Getting Married in 28 days

Long story short (hopefully) - I've been in a relationship with my fiancee for 3 years. In just a short 28 days from now, her and I will be saying "I Do" to each other in marriage. She is the love of my life, whom I've always wanted to be with. Our sex life is great and we currently live together. We actually just closed on a house yesterday. So, needless to say there's a lot of moving parts in our relationship right now.

One problem has plagued me ever since I was 12 years old...and that is P addiction. It didn't really become a problem until i was 22 and would do it multiple times a day every day of the week.

I've monitored NoFap from afar but decided now to write my first post, because I'm distraught. I have had very good streaks. My longest being 60 days. However for the past 2 months, I cannot get past 20. I'm not sure if it is due to the stress of house hunting and wedding planning or what, but in 28 days my fiancee and i will have our wedding night together and I want to stop PM right now. I want her body to be the only one I see for the rest of my life. She's a huge support of mine and she does in fact know of my PA. She is doing her best to help in every way she can.

The good news is that I haven't seen any performance problems when it comes to me being able to perform with her, however, after reading many articles and posts on here, it is a problem that can indeed happen at ANY time and I do NOT want that to happen. I want my marriage to succeed and our lives to flourish with each other. I want to stop it now. Please - any advice from women and men on here would be greatly appreciated. I can't keep emotionally cheating on her any longer. Any guides or advice is welcomed.

 

Thank you so much! I am not in therapy currently, but have been in the past. I was sexually molested by a neighbor when i was 7 years old and it has affected me to the core. I've worked through a lot of the hardships in therapy, but am haunted every now and again. I think that my PA was sort of caused by that incident when i was 7.

I am glad to hear that you thin it is amazing. She has been my rock through this all, and she sees how bad I want to stop this. My fiancee actually didn't catch me at all, but she always knew something wasn't quite right. I actually came clean to her one night and talked to her for hours about it all. Surprisingly, she stated that my odd behavior sometimes now made sense and she promised me then to help me in any way she could, and she has. I just want to be the best husband I can be for her by not letting this addiction rule my life anymore.

 

Thanks @Stevenmdot - i know exactly what you mean. She always said that she knew something was up with me and had a feeling it was something along the lines of what I told her. She just knew because of the way I would act when feeling guilty. My temper would spike, i'd be sluggish and just not pay attention to her sexually. She is super happy that I came clean with her though and that was step 1. I do NOT want to become that "passionless sex" couple as you described. I have a friend who was recently divorced from his wife of 6 years because of the lack of passion. He too also had a P addiction but didn't want to admit it, which was no doubt the demise of their marriage. Thanks for your kind words and helpful encouragement! I am staying focused on the prize. It's been 4 days and I can feel the benefits. I know I've been down this road before, but the fact that in 24 days i will be married, that just lit the fire under my butt to stop making excuses, be who I want to be not only for me, but for her as well and get it done!