2 years alone, cant approach. whats going on? I'm going insane

Change you mindset when you're looking at girls, instead of thinking that they would tell you to fuck off, say to yourself that no matter what happens it will increase your confidence for the next time you approach.

The worst that can happen is rejection, rejection only means that you two are not a good fit and it wouldn't have mattered how you looked like or how successful you were. When you have approached the woman who is a good fit for you, you two will hit it off. tell youself you're only searching for the women who are compatible to you.

Adapt this mindset and rejection won't seem so scary anymore, you simply don't match.

Of course there are things you can do to improve on yourself.

Three things I can't suggest enough are

Cold showers (This has a lot of health benefits as well as making you mentally stronger, will also boost your metabolism)

Meditation ( A lot of health benefits here, you'll also eventually feel more comfortable in your own skin)

Weight lifting (A lot of health benefits here aswell, you'll increase your confidence and feel stronger)

Meditation I think is the hardest one of these three because you will face a lot of past trauma or simply feelings that you thought you were done with, but just breathe and it will all be over soon. During meditation you will likely find out why you do alot of the things you do today to get the results you are currently getting.

I think you can improve a lot and I belive in you.

Good luck

 

Okay i could start writing forever or i could tell u to go on YouTube and search for RsdMax or RsdTyler or any other rsd coach u will figure it out brother

 

Not being able to take back chicks to where you live is not a problem it's an excuse, Girls usually (in my experience) invite me home to their place I don't think it's ever come up that they insist on or even talk about coming home with me.

I think it's important to have an abundant mindset, there are always another girl that is just as perfect for you, you don't need to "close" the deal with any girls you talk to, having this mindset will not make you needy and girls appreciate that.

Have a hobby or something that you can do alone, you don't want to be around the girl at any time she wants to, you need to have a more busy schedule, That which is always available is of less value.

Just be more relaxed around girls, if you don't know what to do just breathe, something will come.

 

Think less, or at least think more productive, cognitive behavioral therapy can help. PMO is poison. While on Nofap your brain can make you feel really crap and insecure, but that's part of the process. You can't build your luck or happiness in a day. Rejection is part of life, it can hurt, I totally agree, but not trying at all will only make your insecurities worse and will make it only more difficult the longer you wait. As said before, cold showers help, you learn to handle an uncomfortable situation. Approaching women is for you an uncomfortable situation, so train your brain. Meditation, simply to learn who you are and find your own truth. Create yourself

 

It can be related to PMO, you are so used to your "heroine" shot before you go to sleep that you can feel anxiety. From my experience the 2nd week is the most difficult. I had huge sleeping problems, lying awake for several days, which made it even harder to get through, but eventually I got asleep without PMO.

 

When you can't interact with a person it's usually because you have a specific outcome in mind and you're afraid that you won't get it. The thought of it not happening would hurt your ego. You place the person above you, you below them, and you believe you need special techniques and methods to close that gap. You hide your intentions and act in a way that you think others will like you for. You believe that your honest self expression isn't good enough. You depend your self worth on a stranger that you know nothing about simply because they have physical beauty. You aren't in touch with reality where some people like you and some people don't... instead you believe that you shouldn't ever get rejected... so you try to manipulate situations so that everyone will like you.

It is all about ego, which has its origins in a man’s insecurities and fears where you only have value if you have a beautiful girlfriend who causes other men to envy you.

It is a no win game of seeking external validation through getting desirable women to desire you. If you don’t feel good about you, getting a beautiful woman won’t change that. You will soon tire of her and go seeking the next shiny object that promises to fill the empty space inside of you.

It's all about trying to fulfill unrealistic fantasies of women, sex, and relationships fueled by Hollywood, pop culture, porn, and the over-active imagination of guys who have always been bad at talking to women (i.e., chasing unicorns). It uses women. It treats them as one-dimensional objects whose only value is boosting an insecure man’s self-esteem. It's based on a one-dimensional measure of attraction and value – physical beauty.

It's degrading to women and men. It implies women only have value for their genetic beauty and men can only get these objects by hiding who they are. It encourages men to be something they’re not. It builds on the belief many men have that just being themselves isn't enough to get a good woman. It's all about “scoring” (getting a number, getting a date, getting laid) and not personal connection or growth.

That's when people start buying into special techniques and methods that tries to fill the gap of believing that they're not good enough. It's often pitched by online marketers who play on the fantasies and insecurities of men who are introverted, socially anxious, and not good at talking to women (“99 proven ways guaranteed to get the hottest women in the room in bed with you tonight”). It plays into socially awkward men’s tendency to believing in fantasy and magical thinking and offers them a magic bullet that promises to make the most desirable women desire them without risk of rejection, pain, or embarrassment.

Women are complete human beings that have the choice of accepting or rejecting you. There's so many different types of individuals, with different circumstances, and with different interests. The chances of some random woman that you're physically attracted to is going to be interested in you isn't really that high... and you shouldn't be easily giving away your validation either. You don't know anything about that stranger. So instead of going into these interactions with "I fully accept you because you're beautiful and now I have to prove myself to you"... it should be more of an exploration where you both interview each other.

So if you're ever afraid of interacting with someone... it's most likely because you're coming from a place of ego, you want a specific outcome to happen and you'll manipulate your way to get there, or you live in a fantasy world where you believe that you're not supposed to ever get rejected by another complete human being.

The solution isn't to fill the gap of the belief that others are above you and you below them. The solution is to figure out why you believe there's a gap in the first place and why your honest self expression isn't good enough. The way should be to become even more of who you are and find others that resonate with that. Rather than trying to act in a way that you believe others will like you for and attract people that aren't even good for you.

 

Please buy a book called Body Keeps the score by Bassel van der Kolk. Is is all about trauma and trauma healing. I expect you will find a lot of answerers to your question in there.

 

^ What a great read! I enjoyed reading that!

 

Agreed!

 

This is gold Elevate, you have put into words exactly how I've been feeling for years about these dating coaches and online marketers. They are now offering the same seminars to women to 'attract a higher quality man.' The basic idea behind what they say is 'you're a failure and a loser but don't worry, pay me and I will tell you how to pretend to be a different person who will attract more women/men.'

If you follow what they say you might attract more people, but the interaction has started with dishonesty. For example if you're an introvert pretending to be an extrovert it's going to confuse and repel your newly attracted partner once they find out that it was all an act. Whereas if you'd just gone out and done some introvert hobbies you might have met a woman who much prefers introverted men plus you have the shared hobby and similar lifestyle.
It's so much healthier when people can relate to eachother as humans and see if they get on without all of this acting and pretense going on. I'm going to save your post and put it in my notes, thank you.

 

Expressing yourself honestly, getting rejected by those that aren't aligned with who you are, and attracting people that resonate with your honest self expression is a difficult and uncertain process with no guarantees.

Manipulation, dishonesty, compromising your values / beliefs, convincing others to be interested in you for somebody that you aren't, and following a marketer's "answer" that plays to your insecurities, fears, and uncertainty is easier to do. With enough effort into this way of life you'll end up getting exactly what you want, but on a journey that changes you into someone that completely betrays everything you stood for.

Why help people better their lives in a positive way rather than instill fear and desperation into their lives when the latter gets you more of the results you want? Why sell organic food when you can sell meth? Why go through the process of rejection to find the right person when you can just trick people to liking you for somebody that you aren't?

 

Yes, very true. It's a reflection of the toxic world in which we live. Good to see people are waking up to it and realising there is another way. We have to find our own truth, our own peace and on that path, connect with other people who appreciate us for who we really are.

 

This 100%. Thanks very much for this post, this is the core to all of my major problems I have at the moment. I had no idea that I had a huge ego until people around me started to attack it and use it as an example to show me how it’s holding me back, it was a real eye opener. Thanks again!