How to be a loser

Well you call yourself a loser. So you obviously have a lot of insecurities about your hearing aids. You also allow people that make a big deal about your hearing aids to determine your self worth. Why do you even want to be with people that judge someone for something so petty?

I don't know you, the people who rejected you, your twin, or the various circumstances dealing with all your experiences, but your attitude definitely has something to do with it.

If you absolutely can't live with them on due to being as judgemental about them as the people that have rejected you for it, then take them off, learn sign language, and date other people with hearing difficulties.

 

Overcoming Hopelesness
Pay attention.

 

woman reject me on the daily to buddy, my grandpa always told me, woman are trouble , they make you feel troubled when your with them they try make you feel troubled when your not with one, so i try stay away from them, but one out of a hundred well catch my eye an of course i well pursue her, of course she well reject me, they reject me like its there 2nd job, i only been in two relationships in my whole life ,ive been single for eight years now, but i realize as long as if i dont fap i dont feel lonely or feel hurt cause females dont want to date me, i closed all dating sites this month cause zero females replied back to me, i need to take my mind off woman an theyre need to reject us, i need to refocus a significant purpose i can pursue that well keep society flowing, man rejects a good woman, woman rejects a good man not because he is a loser or she is less , i believe its cause the rejecter has a pmo addiction ,the rejectee isnt a made up fantasy person only found in hollywood movies or hardcore porn, dont be mad or angry with the rejector be upset cause pmo addiction is wide spreading, we attract what we practice so lets stay with nofap an keep our eyes open our special person who also is nofap is around somewhere looking for us as we look for them

 

Learn to use your third ear aka lip reading.
https://www.lipreading.org/beginners-guide-to-lipreading

 

Thanks for sharing your story, bud. I can relate to it through my own trauma. In my case it's a mental disability that set in over years of isolation and feeling like an outsider. I have my cultural identity all confused because I've lived in two different countries, plus a history of untreated mental illness in my family that everybody mostly denies. I know that feeling of wanting to be equal to others but not getting the same benefits because you're different. I mean, you look the same as your twin, you should be getting 9s and 10s too right? Wtf. I've had attention from 9s and 10s too and didn't have the social skills to respond. So I hid and closed off in my shell and missed all those opportunities. Man, how shitty that makes me feel.

First off, about your past. Most of the posts so far are saying you should man up, change your attitude, get an invisible hearing aid, etc. I agree with all that, but they're missing something really important. You're in a lot of PAIN, bro. And you've been in pain for a long time. What you're describing is really fucking painful. Physical disability is not something most guys have to go through. But you had to. And you've been in pain because of it - pain of rejection, pain of being different, pain of feeling left out, pain of not knowing what's gonna happen and how you're life's gonna be, pain of despair. I'm sure growing up like this caused you huge suffering. It's important to acknowledge that and honor it for a while. It's okay to be in pain and it's okay to talk about it.

Yes, you can get invisible hearing aids, and you should. But that won't change the pain that you've been through so far in your life. That pain is still there like a huge heap of snow in the middle of winter. Before you can change your attitude, you'll need to let that heap of snow melt. Think of your negative attitude right now as all the trash and dog pee that's stuck in that heap of snow. As you let it melt, you can let go of all these things that you don't need. You're not defective. You're not a loser. You're not a reject. Yes, you're different. And so far there probably wasn't anyone in your life to tell you that being different doesn't make you any worse.

How do you let that heap of snow melt? The key is compassion. Pain and suffering dissolves when you bring compassion to it. First acknowledge that you're suffering and accept that it's okay to be suffering. It's not fun, but there's no shame in it. There are places (like here) where you can be accepted for your pain, because we've also suffered, we're also in pain and we know what it's like.

Second, start giving yourself compassion. This takes a bit of work but it can be done. Once you start being self-compassionate your self-confidence will increase. You'll start caring less and less what people think of you, because YOU like YOU. That's the most important thing about having a positive attitude. Right now it sounds like you DON'T LIKE you. This isnt' a choice that you're making on purpose. This is the huge heap of snow speaking inside you. This is what your past pain has taught you: that you're a loser, that you're a reject, that girls don't like you. None of it is true, but you can't just snap your fingers and start liking yourself, it's not that simple. But you CAN start melting that heap of snow by finding compassion and giving compassion to yourself. As you do, you'll start actually BELIEVING that you're a great catch with a lot to offer. As you start believing this, you'll start ACTING this way. When you act this way, GIRLS will see it and then there'll be no stopping you. You're gonna get everything you want in spades. It doesn't happen overnight, but right now you can take the first step on that journey.

All this is based on the newest research in psychology. People didn't know about self-compassion 10 years ago, but now we do. It's scientifically proven. So go ahead and use it. Below is a video to get you started and here's a link to some meditations you can use right away: http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

If you can afford it (or have insurance) seriously think about getting a therapist. They can help you out a lot with changing your attitude from negative to positive. If you find the right therapist it speeds up the process. Some places you can find therapy for free (like from social work students, etc.) Hope all this helps bro. I'm rooting for you. Let me know what you think.

 

lol i don't have any kind of disability, yet girls don't even remotely look my way. They just never have.

Meanwhile people around me have girls they don't know following them on Instagram and stuff.

To be honest, I'm in a bit of a conflict: I don't know if I should assume that I'm a woman repellant, or that I should just keep improving myself and stuff.

 

To be honest, I'm in a bit of a conflict: I don't know if I should assume that I'm a woman repellant, or that I should just keep improving myself and stuff.

If you are here then why you not trying to improve? The pain of regret is way worse than the pain of failure. And if you have been failing already there are only positive outcomes from trying

 

I am going to improve for my sake in any case, but my concern was this:

What if there's no reward for all the trouble? What if its something that isn't meant to happen at all?
Won't I have wasted my time and energy? The same time and energy I could have used somewhere else?

 

Any advice on how you actually do this?

To someone who doesn't have self-esteem, this sounds a lot like "Yes I know your right arm got amputated, but just grow it back! Until you grow it back you're fucked."

 

I want to chime in on the thread here with my own take. I am a recently divorced middle aged dude. As my divorce was getting finalized, I started approaching women. Without fail, I was either friend zoned or just flat out rejected. So I realized that my problem was narcissism.

To understand the problem, look up narcissism, and consider if it is your problem. What I did that helped me understand it was to look up the criteria, and write under each one whether there was evidence to support each aspect of the problem. Guess what? I had tons of it.

I make a strong argument here, and I'd bet many guys will not agree with me, but I would bet money that your problem is much more about your insecurites, fears, and other narcissistic tendencies, and that is the one thing a woman avoids like the plague. If I'm wrong, I apologize. I can only offer advice that I have lived myself. There is a strong chance that your twin brother, for reasons I don't understand, is simply not as needy as you are. And as he was banging chicks, that made him even LESS needy. So he built momentum, but you had some problems.

What is the answer if narcissism is your problem? It's called confidence, and REAL TRUE CONFIDENCE can only happen under conditions of "life improvement". I know I sound like a broken record, but please, do yourself a favor and purchase Mark Manson's book "Models". It is a game changer.

 

Dude, you’re going after the wrong “type” of woman. Intellectual and alternative types of women will eat this up. They’ll think your hot because your hearing loss. It’ll make you “deep” and “interesting”.
Find a different type of girl to pursue. Where are you looking? The bars?! Don’t! College. Art stores. Book stores. Poetry slams. Dude, you’d make out like a bandit at those places.

 

I mean it's hard to just decide to like yourself and have self-esteem. It's a bit like trying to decide to grow your arm back. You can't snap your fingers and make it happen.

 

@Sychar has a thread going about self-esteem practices to undertake. I'm doing them as they look like a good way to work about oneself, and, if at the end I still hate myself then at least I'll know I've done something about it.

 

The Christian answer to this is opposite the modernist. Accept that there is much about yourself that is unworthy, flawed. Accept that you are a flawed sinner and look to God for forgiveness and mercy. Then spend your time trying to love others (rather than yourself) accepting them as similar flawed beings made in the image of God.

 

obviously there is no objective good if God doesn’t exist. So, “youre a good person” becomes meaningless platitude. If God doesn’t exist there is only opinion. Were the nazis bad? Not to the nazis.

But, as a response to the op “how to be a loser”? Great answer - spend your free time attacking cherished beliefs and offer in their place a completely subjective and empty world view.

 

I used to know a guy who wore hearing aids when he was in his twenties, he used to get plenty of girls. But he didn't really seem to give a ship about the hearing aids. He used to wear his hair in a mohawk so they were clearly visible.

How bad is your hearing? Can you communicate effectively with them in?

 

Exactly, you can't grow a missing arm back just by deciding on it. It's the same with self-esteem and self-confidence. You can't just decide to do it. When you hate yourself and you keep hearing others say "You should just accept yourself as you are, just love yourself!" this is gonna make you feel even worse. Now you're saying to yourself "fuck here's another thing I can't do right".

But check this out: https://humanlimbregeneration.com/how-can-stem-cells-regrow-limbs In the future we'll probably have technologies to grow our missing limbs back.

It's the same with self-confidence. You can't do it just by snapping your fingers. But you CAN do it over time by following the right process. @Boeing747 I was asking you what's your process for regrowing self-confidence? Let's say someone had his self-confidence 'amputated' like an arm and now he hates himself. What steps do you take over time so in 6 months or a year say he can have his self-confidence grow back?

 

Have you ever heard people say that you shouldn't argue about faith?

Everything you're saying is true, there are lots of contradictions in the holy books. And there are lots of disgusting and immoral things that people do in the name of God. But people who believe usually don't do it because of reason or morality. They do it because of a feeling of submission to the greatness of God. Faith comes first from the power of God. Everything else follows after, like morals, reasoning and arguments. If you're religious, all the contradictions in the holy books are actually a test of how strong your faith is: can you believe IN SPITE of all the contradictions? Can you believe EVEN WHEN God is asking you to do something immoral? This was Abraham's position when God asked him to sacrifice his only son Isaac. Abraham followed God's word even though it was immoral, and he became the father of the faith. Jews, Christians and Muslims all revere him because he chose God over morals.

That's hard to swallow for most people, and it should be. Faith isn't meant to be easy.