my story- repentance, marriage, secrets, my weak frame

Hello everyone!

I have a long history with PMO that has expressed itself in various ways throughout my life. I'm also married, my wife doesn't know about the way this struggle saturates my life. She thinks the last time I saw P was years ago. I'm afraid to tell her because she already deals with depression/anxiety and alcoholism and I want to be a rock for her. I'm honestly just afraid she'll hate me for how I've hurt her if she knew. I'm also afraid it would crush her spirit. I've wanted to find others to confess to and bring along side me for years now but have been afraid they would force me to confess to her as well so now I finally found this website. I am asking you all to be the person for me, with me.

A core desire that I find myself trying (in vain) to fulfill with PMO is just feeling desirable. I don't get much of that from my wife, and so I found myself trying to get it from PMO, secretly going to places like hooters. The final straw was a couple of times that I actually went to a strip club alone. It's so unlike me that it was what made me realize my desires were just out of control. And now I'm just sick of the lies to myself and to my partner.

It all started with PMO and now here I am. I think we have a beautiful ability to train our own appetites, which is what rebooting is all about I think. I want to reclaim a healthy sexuality. I want to be the person I have been made to be, and to be a fiercely loyal husband. I want to reclaim the joy to be had in finding my fulfillment of all those core desires in my purpose with God. Will you come along side me?