Did PMO fuck you up?

Yes. Definitely fucked my life. Kept me from working through difficult emotions, keeping me in an unfortunate state of emotional immaturity.

 

That dependends under what point of view you have it, but I'd say yes. It made me more distant from others, more anxious and scared, and my concentration is often affected by the need and struggle of watching porn. However, I have the untested theory that a battle against our inner demons is one of the hardests in life. And that if we can make progress in wining that fight, then we get the opportunity to be even a better version of what we used to be before PMO.

 

Yes, it did. PMO severely affected my life in many ways, like dispersonification, my personality, the things i love, my thoughts... All affected by PMO. Everytime i see a attractive girl at the street, my brain already pushes me in the urge to knockout her and take to a desert place... I cannot recognize myself anymore...

 

I don't know if I'd go that far. I wouldn't say it's taken away my sense of urgency, my senses, or my reasoning, but PMO has definitely affected my life negatively. It's developed into an unhealthy addiction, where the reward center in my brain depends on the dopamine rush I get from porn. This leaves me frustrated at times when I can't watch porn, and makes other things that Non-PMOers would find satisfying seem like 'not quite enough to do the trick'. It's basically set up a vicious circle where I use porn to make my brain feel good, but my brain doesn't feel good when I'm not watching porn. So yeah, I'd say porn has messed me up pretty badly.

Fortunately, from what I understand, these negative changes in my life are reversible. I haven't completed my 90 day reboot yet, but I'm about 1/3 of the way there and I can already feel some major differences. I generally feel happier, and I find greater amounts of accomplishment and satisfaction in everyday things, such as practicing a musical instrument, exercising, working on a personal project, accomplishing something at work, or connecting with a friend or family member. I also have been enjoying sex with my girlfriend much more than I was when I was watching porn all the time. Slowly, but surely, my brain is re-developing a healthy reward center, and I think you will experience similar results if you stay committed to your recovery.

 

Seriously?!
Be respectful.
People are on here to be encouraged. This feels a bit much like berating.
Not sure where you’re at with things, but this felt manipulative.

 

You lost me there. I'm not really following you.

 

YES !!! 100% here’s my brief story with some parts vague on purpose.

I started PMO at age 10, I’m 32 now and have 29 days sober. So basically my entire life I used PMO to comfort myself when any uncomfortable emotion came into my head. I had a tough childhood with a crazy brother (knives drawn, cops called, fights often), and very weird borderline abusive sexual encounters with friends from school (age 10-14).

I was looking at P from the internet at the birth of p2p file sharing, so as a kid I was exposed to all sorts of fringe/taboo/fetish porn very early on. You would download a folder, and there would be a variety of very hardcore stuff mixed in and you were just happy to see naked people, and not have your parents find out lol.

Fast forward many years later and the internet is so robust that P is so easy to get. My appetite continued to grow, and I began to stretch my limits and blur the lines of what’s ok with my morals and what I was willing to look at, especially with high speed internet on an iPhone, doing PMO anywhere anytime was so easy.

There are many many genres of P that I’ve seen and have changed my opinion of what is acceptable to look at, for example I’m not gay, never been romantically attracted to a guy, and when walking around the world, I never ever ever have turned my head to look at a “hot guy,” however, lol, I have definitely spent lots of time on that part of the PMO internet. There are of course other examples as well.

This constant need to stretch my sexual boundaries really effected my emotional state and caused me to have very low self esteem and this weird paranoia that others know me for the weirdo sex crazed freak that I am. Aside from that, so many years of pushing my feelings aside and soothing/calming myself with PMO, I have very little ability to cope with life’s problems.

This constant behavior and constant exploration of various P genres, has really changed who I am, and my thoughts. But I do believe that deep inside me I have a moral compass of who I truly want to be, and I have heard from others and seen very slightly in myself, that the new sex crazed person I’ve become, which has seen things and become attracted to things that I never would have thought, goes away over time and our natural sexual balance starts to return.

All of the emotional issues of lack of motivation, no senses, sadness, loneliness, boredom, anxiety, lack of appropriate emotional response (too angry, not happy enough etc...) are all happening to me. Some of it is a chemical imbalance in our brain and some of it is caused by the years of abuse we have done to ourself. But over time this is suppose to balance out also, and we become more “normal”

You’re not alone! Good luck and hang in there!

I’m 29 days sober today with no real crippling urges.

 

It's good to read that people have gone through similar things and struggled. I also started PMO around 11. It's good to hear that things can be reversed.

The fears in my mind are these: I wonder what capacity I have to have a romantic relationship. Because I know that PMO has definitely messed up my expectations of relationships in different ways throughout my life. When I first started having sex, thinking it should be like porn, and then later when I thought I wanted a kind if bdsm relationship. So silly. I wonder how many of my failed relationships could have worked if I'd not had such ridiculous perspective. I wonder how many girls I could have attracted if I didn't have depleted charisma and confidence.

I know that I have a strong strong desire for intimacy with a woman, physical and mental, and I know I have repressed the expression of this desire with PMO my entire life. Facing it truthfully is frightening.

 

Very well said...

 

Did PMO fuck me up? or did I just abuse myself?..
I think I have to take the blame for my own fuck ups really