The discomfort of virginity

Hey,

I am a 30+ yo virgin. I understand what you're talking about. Currently, I'm in doubt about if I should just find someone I really like to have sex with, or just do it with a random girl. I have no idea.

 

Screw the people that ridicule you for being a virgin. Your not really missing out on much. When you lose your virginity for the first time, it wont be a magical feeling of change. It'll just be another human being trying to connect with another physically.

[If you looking to make more friends, my doors always open xD]

If your serious about losing your virginity regardless. Here some tips.
1) Find your type/preference of girl you like.
2)Be observant, like what there wearing, if possible how they talk
3) Be confident (Cliche i know but it works)(I got my last girlfriend basically by saying, Fuck it. I want to meet a cute lady and just blindly went for it)
4)The worst someone can say is no. If it takes 50 no's to get to that 1 yes. Then its worth the effort.
5)Be your self, never filter other view on yourself and become those. Your a unique person!
6) When you do have sex with that person your giving a piece of your self to them. Make sure their worth it.
7)Enjoy yourself! If your talking with an attractive lady and her personality is terrible move on! Some people might put up with it but, I know you have higher standards for your overall self buddy.
8) Be creative, Ex:Write a funny message on your phone using a drawing app to say she has a cute smile.

Hope this was helpful. Good luck

 

Same here
23 yo virgin

 

Would you get a trophy for not being a virgin? Me and my wife waited to have sex until we were married, and I was the one who would ridicule any person who would even suggest that it was impossible in these times. Up to this day, I find disbelief on their faces funny.
We're not animals. Sex is one of the most beautiful gifts of love you can give. Don't waste it.

 

Brother my streak is just regarding masturbation
So here are some physical changes which I have seen

• Deepening of voice ....which is best thing so far
• Gained around 9-10 kgs more....which not look good
• Arms have become bulkier
• Increased stamina
• More fun while excercising

I think that's it .....as I watched porn between this streak which is very wrong
But the thing is I have considered masturbation more harmful than porn
That's why
But now I have changed my streak to without porn also

 

I genuinely have a great respect for people who preserve virginity for marriage
But I want this from all of you
Does virginity affects our confidence
Please reply

 

I think it affects you if you let it to affect you. I am far advanced in virginity perspective as I still believe that it should be done with the person you want to. But I also don't know it is better for us or not.

 

As a 22, soon to be 23 year old virgin, the thought of losing virginity hovers around my mind 24/7 but I never be suicidal when it comes to this issue because I actually accept the fact that I will die as a virgin even though I am really frustrated.

Everyday I just come across to shitloads of norms who lost their virginity when I just learnt how to get a grip of my penis and I somehow jealous of them but I know I can do nothing about it because I am not a norm.

OP, I can fully understand you and I think it's best off trying to distract ourselves from brooding over this issue. I know it's hard but let's try it out!

 

22 year old virgin here, and no, I don't think it affects my confidence. Being a virgin isn't something to be ashamed of, and it really isn't something to be that proud of either. It's just a stage in life.

There are circumstances where I could have put in just a little bit of effort and lost it, but I've decided against it. One of these times was actually less than a month ago with a friend of mine. Not sure if she would have gone for it or not, but I felt like my chances were a lot better than 50/50. I knew it wouldn't be right for her though, and that she would feel used afterward, so I didn't try for it. I'm also committed to waiting for marriage, but even with that aside I like to think I wouldn't have pushed her.

There's nothing particularly manly about convincing a girl to sleep with you one time. Any insecurity you feel over this is probably either about wanting to be accepted, or about wanting to appear more masculine. To the guys you hang out with it might make you look better to them, but I don't think it will make you feel accepted, especially if it's just physical and you don't have a deeper connection to the girl.

 

same here 27 yo virgin

 

i am very happy to see virgins like me
hehehe

 

Virginity is more of a mindset and attitude than it is a physical thing.

It's lack of experience. That lack of experience leads to incompetence and insecurity. You end up comparing yourself to others. That insecurity grows as time goes on and you become anxious or overly analytical about it. Which leads to that mountain becoming bigger and bigger... while you feel smaller and smaller.

The actual act of losing your virginity is so fleeting and insignificant. There will be no parades or festivals in your name when you lose it. Your life won't change. Maybe you'll brag to other people, but they really won't care about it.

What you should really be addressing are bigger issues. Like why something petty like virginity is causing you insecurity and loss of self worth. Why you aren't able to connect with others and build deeper relationships. Why are you overly reactive to the opinions of others on your life journey that's completely different from their journey.

Don't aim to lose your virginity. Aim to develop yourself into a better person and have a better life where something like sex becomes a natural consequence of the new you and your new life. Until you come at a relationship from a place of wholeness, all you will experience is attachment and validation. Not love.

If you stay on the mindset and attitude that you currently have, then what's next after losing your virginity? You'll move on to the next thing that you're self conscious about because you fear the opinions of others / compare yourself to others / focus on petty and insignificant things. You would live life like a leaf in the wind blown out of control in every direction rather than a stable rock that has a solid purpose.

 

@elevate Hey man you're so wise. You said everything I wanted to express...and more! If you were a woman I would marry you! Ah ah.

Just to add my "5 cents": Sex (for the sake of sex only) is so fuckin' overrated it makes sick. We all feel society is very sexualized in these days and seeing porn just makes it worse. When I was seeing porn frequently and fapping to it I thought everyone was having sex frantically. Like I was the only one who was not getting any of it. But when you are on a streak or abstaining from PMO during some time you "feel" that other people are not getting so much sex you thought they were. Now that I'm thinking on the subject I feel I don't want to have sex with any random woman (even if she's "hot"). Doing sex with the "wrong" one (if she doesn't have character or integrity for example) makes me disgusted actually nowadays...

I think I raised my standards...

 

You can have sex and still partly be a virgin. Some people have plenty of sex but still, a part of them are virgins.

This opinion isn't a widely held opinion but I think it's true. We should actually think about virginity and ask ourselves what it actually is. Virginity isn't one thing, it has plenty of layers.

 

I can't speak for everyone, but for me it absolutely affected my confidence, and was the reason I ended up starting Nofap.

I mention most of it in my journal, but I'll reword it here; I was PMOing on a fairly regular basis to the point where even though I hated being a virgin I wasn't interested in sex. At all. I felt like a hetero-romantic asexual; attracted to girls but not interested in sex, as all my energy was focused on porn.After a decade of purely PMO I tried asking out girls, but the situation was inappropriate and I got 4 or 5 rejections, this only lead me to PMO more, which started driving me mad... So I went the other way and ended up here.

Almost everyone I care about (family, friends, etc) knows I'm a virgin. there are the occasional jokes that I "need to take a trip to Amsterdam" or what-have-you but I am in 2 minds about losing it: on one hand I would love to just "get it over with" after all these years, but on the other hand it does not affect me that much otherwise I would have actually done something about it, be that trying harder with girls or just going to a "professional".

Tl;dr: Yes, being a virgin affects my confidence, but only to the point that I let it.