[30-CHALLENGE] THE THIRTY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 12/90.

 

Day 8
Third time i reach it
The the last one ( insha'allah )

 

Day 22. I still have some wishes and thoughts. But I am fighting with me/them. Every day is a battle and I am the winner.

 

day 11

 

6/30

 

22 and 23 of 30

 

Relapsed yesterday and was not able to check in .. I'm not letting myself to binge and feeling of self condemnation, I recognize my mistake and wrong doings. I'm moving forward and continuing my NO PMO journey. May God bless my plans. Today is day 1.
Take care my Brothers.

 

Day 17/30 no PMO. Day 40 without porn, yet still feeling the urges.

 

Day 0

 

2/30 hard mode
Last night I had one of these messed-up porn/relapse dreams. I see it as a sign that I'm right in the recovery process. And I am curious what dreams I will have when I break new grounds.

 

Day 0/30.

 

7/30

 

Day 8. I’m getting better!

 

day11 done day 12 had a video call with my GF hope I can control the trigger and complete day 12. Stay strong brothers

 

Days 8 and 9.

 

Day 1/30

 

First day! also in the two weeks challenge but hey, why not do both xD

 

Day 24 started

 

Day6

 

In the middle of Day 3.

I got out of bed quite good, had a big breakfast, black tea. Made the laundry then I had an urge to visit the forum. Since then urges are growing. At first only body. Then notions of porn came up. Heart beats too fast.

What can I learn?

• Explicit porn-fantasies are gone. Even now there are just as I call it notions (or more poetically: shadows). Maybe it's because they need to be invited (like with vampires, witches, demons in horror stories: they can't enter unless you invite them). But I guess porn flashbacks will appear at some point
• Writing about it helps. More precisely: thinking and writing about my state helps, watching my surroundings listening at the birds singing helps. Thinking about the urges, about their nature doesn't help. The addiction wants to think about porn. Because that's the most subtle way to fantasize. Watch out the sneaky attack! It will talk you into doing a "testing". It will beg for just one explicit picture ("it doesn't have to be a nude, just one female form on the screen, PLEEEEASE")
  
• The sexual craving is an energy. I think the urges give me extra energy but also do the "natural" energies push the urges. And it's difficult to channel the energy in a benefical way when it comes so massive like today. (I think it makes a lot of sense to talk of "energies" here, not refering to the physical model of energy of course and without promoting any esoteric theory).

What can I do?

• Realize when the addiction is talking. Debunk the wrong ideas. Don't negotiate with the addiction.
  
• back to my mindset. I WILL NOT LOOK AT ONE SINGLE BIKINI MODEL. I HAVE NO FEAR. I TRUST IN MYSELF. I CAN DO IT AND I WILL DO IT. TODAY I WILL NOT EVEN MAKE A SINGLE SLIP.
• Now I go outside. Later work. Enough fighting for today.