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Maybe just moderating? not sure (Cross Dressing, feminine / gay tendencies, rough sex

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by alldonesam, Nov 13, 2014.

  1. Nov 13, 2014 #1
    alldonesam

    alldonesam New Fapstronaut

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    I started porn when i was 12ish, certainly developed some sort of addiction that I would like to control/stop, now I am 24 and am on day 4, have masturbated about 3 times in the past 2-3 weeks, since when I realized I should cool it.

    I guess this is what I am most hung up on. I have sexual interests I developed from porn, which to some extent cannot be fulfilled in real life. HOWEVER, the interests I developed never go into the really messed up stuff, just to more generally hardcore sex. For example I developed a love for rough sex, hair pulling, light slapping, gagging/choking, light bondage, but never got into anything really weird (rape, pee, beastiality, trans, whatever). with some women these interests are unrealistic, but then other women are just as into rough sex as men are. With two consenting parties, it can be a lot of fun, and really is just role play, its hot because it allows you to act out situations but feel comfortable because its all just make believe. and I enjoy it both ways, I find it hot to lightly slap my girlfriend while having sex, and just as hot when she does it to me. So here I am thinking about giving all this extreme stuff up completely, because a lot of the porn I watch is like this, and no doubt i have been encouraged by it, but then again i just don't know if its that big of a deal.

    Okay so somewhere a long the line I developed gay tendencies,or a sexually feminine side. actually it very early, but age 14 or so I was into Anal masturbation, that quickly moved to me seeking out sex with men online by 16, engaging in sex with men several times from 18-23. I Love to cross dress and I have had sexual experiences with guys before, girls and guys together too (always have been safe, its not senseless). I like being like the submissive girl. Most people say that when you engage in this activity it is always a fantasy, that actually doing it will be a turn off, and that you wont enjoy it/regret afterwards. maybe this is true with some people, of even partly with me, because when i really think about it i don't have any sort of real affection/feeling for guys, just girls, also I tend to be turned off by it after climaxing. But, I have for the most part really enjoyed my encounters with guys, don't regret them, and am not grossed out after climaxing, i am more just like "okay that was fun but I need a break". I also do webcam modeling, and glamour modeling for some gay guys I know who run an agency, and have always enjoyed that a lot, and I look fantastic when cross dressing. actually if i didn't look so good, idk if I would have ever developed the interest. By the way, I am not into gay porn in the slightest. Even having sex with men is a heterosexual thing with me, because I am the girl.

    So some part of me feels like I should 100% give up everything that isn't vanilla, but another side of me feels like I really enjoy these kinkier sides of sex, and have had no problem having vanilla sex when I stop masturbating for a while (which has always been my strategy, even before nofap) In many ways I am just doing nofap as an experiment - Maybe if I completely stop porn and masturbation then my obsession with cross dressing would go away, which in one light be a good thing if it truly went away, i would have more time for other things. I would be relieved in a way, but only as much as I would If I all of a sudden never wanted to watch tv again. but in another light, I really like this other persona of mine, and even if it wastes time, i enjoy it, and get pleasure out of it. I guess the defining factor is whether or not I can maintain relationships with the women I want to. I am trying this because maybe it will be really beneficial, i am curious to see how it changes my interests. I am seeing a girl currently i really like, so i will just focus on regular sex and see how it affects me.

    I am really on the fence where I think these interests either serve as a good release for me vs they are inhibiting me. I guess you can say that with a lot of things. tv is a release, but also inhibiting. I am leaning towards just cutting down, to like once a week, and try and control and manage these interests better. I guess its just bad when I have spent like an entire day doing webcam shows, masturbating, taking pictures, meeting guys.

    When I return home from living overseas I will see a sex therapist to ask these questions, but I just wanted to see what you guys thought. I posted here because I am sure that porn led me to these kinkier interests, but even so I don't know if I need to give them up just because of that.
     
    alldonesam, Nov 13, 2014
    alldonesam, Nov 13, 2014
    #1
  2. Nov 13, 2014 #2
    Iggy

    Iggy Fapstronaut

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    So your question is whether we think you should give up on these 'weirder' sexual activities? I would say to stay away from such things completely, continue with nofap and reset your mind, because of the danger going down this path will lead you on. It definitely isn't normal to be involved in these activities, and i guess doing so much of it as well. But really, I think this will only lead to you getting seriously hurt down the line either physically or emotionally.
     
    Iggy, Nov 13, 2014
    Iggy, Nov 13, 2014
    #2
  3. Nov 13, 2014 #3
    GRAHAMDONDIE

    GRAHAMDONDIE Fapstronaut

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    You have to test yourself from now on, find the person you want to be. Porn can lead to dark stuff if you don't treat it with care. And brain plays a huge part on the paths you take, because you teach it to always want more. What you've experienced is beyond my knowledge so I can't judge you, and no one should. But I can tell you, you're playing in a dark place, and you need to escape from that shit before it takes total control over you.
     
    GRAHAMDONDIE, Nov 13, 2014
    GRAHAMDONDIE, Nov 13, 2014
    #3
  4. Nov 14, 2014 #4
    WinstonWolf

    WinstonWolf Fapstronaut

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    I say anything you're doing in the real world, with real consulting adults, that isn't illegal, and is something you want to do: then do it. I am kinkster into the BDSM realm. There nothing inherently wrong with BDSM...I have a loving girlfriend who is kinky too, we have a role playing relationship. Being kink positive is a good thing.

    What went wrong for me is that I was jerking off to porn all the time, when I had the girl of my dreams who was open and into everything I was...instead of exploring sexuality with her, I created a virtual world and gave my energy to it. It had most of the negative effects of PMO addiction including the act of neglecting her.

    Are you here to stop being sexual all together or to stop PMO? It opens up the discussion of your take on sex and your experience with it. You say you might be wasting time with it, but on the other hand getting pleasure from it. It's all in your mind: if you like the pleasure of being sexual, then it's probably natural for you to do so. If you think you're wasting time, you may need to balance your life out more so that sex fits in better. All these things should be done in a healthy manner, i.e no porn. Maybe you should take a break from being kinky, try being vanilla. Always know the kink community is very large and diverse, if you are within the scale of people in it; there is a partner for you out there. See how you feel about it, if you are ultimately kinky, tell your current partner about it. Don't waste her time if she's not into it...being secretly kinky around your lover is not cool. All in all, definitely get off the porn and masturbating...spend that time off learning about sexuality and figure out who you are. In a healthy way, do what you want to do.
     
    WinstonWolf, Nov 14, 2014
    WinstonWolf, Nov 14, 2014
    #4
  5. Nov 15, 2014 #5
    NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    It's fine that you have these kinks, as long as you can abstain from watching porn involving these kinks (or any other porn for that matter). However I believe that some of them have been falsely incorporated into your life by saturating yourself in porn. I recommend abstaining from all sexual activity whatsoever for 90 days (or at least 30), and at the end of that period review your thoughts on your fetishes.

    This is coming from me- I saturated myself in porn for 5-6 years, and developed many fetishes (like the ones you describe but also more extreme ones as well). However these fetishes have nothing to do with what I would actually want in the bedroom. After abstaining from porn and masturbation, I have found my fetishes to have virtually disappeared.

    I think things such as this would only be a healthy release for you if you were to be able to achieve them in real life with a consenting partner, instead of jacking off to a computer screen watching other people do it.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2014
    NoBrainer, Nov 15, 2014
    NoBrainer, Nov 15, 2014
    #5

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