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Suicidal thoughts

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, Apr 27, 2018.

  1. My thoughts are frequently confusing... Although I don't really consider suicide an option... I don't want to live anymore.
    Less risky behaviour lately... But I feel as though I'll eventually snap. End up on a drunken mission.. a misadventure to die.
    I see it almost like a video game but without coming back if that makes sense.
    I'm so tired. Knowing that I'll wake up has made it difficult for me to sleep lately. I don't want to wake up.
    I'm not even sure what I'm asking you guys? I'd like to be a normal happy person. What's helped who
     
    u376 likes this.
  2. Well, my first solution to everything is God, but if I mention that as an option I'll get in trouble for "proselytizing." Really everything else pales in comparison to the life changing knowledge of salvation through Christ, but I'll leave it at that, lest someone gets mad and decides to report me for trying to share an option that has helped me, just like everyone else does here.

    But, if you're unwilling to explore that option, I would highly recommend therapy. I'm a big believer in therapy. I studied psychology for a few years and used to want to be a therapist, but decided on a different path ultimately. But I still fully support the field. It can change your life.

    Also, in addition to therapy, being willing to entertain the idea of medication if it would help might be an option. There's no shame in that game at all. If you had a physical ailment, you wouldn't hesitate to take whatever the doctor says will help, and the brain is no different.

    Also, connection is so important in life. Johann Hari says the opposite of addiction is connection. That when we are connected to something important, it's so much easier to replace those bad habits. I think that can apply to depression as well, or stress or anxiety or whatever else you're feeling. Finding something to be connected with, whether that's a hobby or a group of friends or family or a job or self improvement of some kind.

    I also think there's value in changing things up, especially if you're feeling the way you are. There is so much richness in life to enjoy, and most of us haven't even scratched the surface. There's new foods and diets to try, new places to visit, new hobbies to test out, new types of people to meet, new music or movies or shows to enjoy. Maybe start trying some new stuff? You don't have anything to lose, really, and if your current life isn't bringing you joy, perhaps trying some new things will change that.

    Best wishes to you <3
     
    TC10, Hitto, calo9025 and 1 other person like this.
  3. I just posted this: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?posts/1438099/
    to another thread about suicide. Please read it. I have been where you are and have come out the other side.

    I second everything @Castielle has said.

    If you no longer want to live, please seek professional help. I am on medication and see a therapist in addition to using this board and 12-step meetings.

    The #1 thing that has given me a sense of joy, peace, and gratitude is connection to others (that is how I view God, actually). That connection first came in the context of meeting with people who were suffering just like I was from addiction. Specifically for me, was an SAA 12-step group, but whatever works for you is what you should do. Today it has spread out to a social community and religious community.

    You don't have to just survive. You can thrive. It is possible to feel joy and gratitude, to love your life. Get connected and stay connected.

    Chat me up anytime. I am here to support you in your recovery.

    Peace to you,
    -Quinn
     
  4. EthanW.

    EthanW. Fapstronaut

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    (Disclaimer: Mileage my vary. What worked for me might not work for you. Consider all options.)

    The Short Answer: Get away. Get far away from whatever it is that is making you feel this way. A house, a job, a school, people you know; it doesn't matter, just break whatever it is off. It might not be immediately possible, so make a plan to have it happen as quickly as you can, even if it is only for a month or so. Separating from situations that cause you to feel sinking hopelessness is the easiest thing you can do right now. You need distance to re-evaluate.

    The Long Answer: You must rebuild yourself from the person you are now. That is as simple as I can say it. You need better goals, better eating habits, better sleeping arrangements and a better sense of what you are doing in the world. You need time to think, and then you need to really think about what you want. Then, don't hesitate to start planning and working toward the thing you have decided to pursue. Absence from PMO behavior will help keep your mind clear in this pursuit, so don't give in to the addiction: it can make things worse.

    If you can, see a therapist, otherwise the next best thing is a journal. Pour your soul onto the page, read it over again. You will find words, images and thoughts that can be further analyzed, connections to things you have never considered that you now find staring right in front of you. Work through the clutter in your mind, give it new breath and order.

    Clean your space and your living area. Sometimes, the hustle and bustle of life creeps into our personal space, and even that can make us feel like life is closing in on us. Also, cleaning and organizing are quick ways to manifest purpose. Fixing something will also help.

    Get connected. Reach out to people around you. I know, most of them will think everything is good (mostly, because we tell them that we are fine and everything is good) but at least you can try to start conversations that will make life not so empty. Sometimes, this is not an option, but I would say that there is at least one person in your vicinity that you can open up with -- if not about your feelings then at least about your life. If you still feel like you are alone, reach out to people on this site. Join more groups, or open up more on the threads. In fact, you could join a real club near you, or even attend a religious group; if you're not religious, don't go for the service, go for the community. Even if you sit in the back, close your eyes and just listen, being around other people in a group will give you a sense of belonging, however synthetic it might feel at the beginning. But, stick it through, because you can find real motivation once you listen to other people who are happy and alive.

    In the end, it is up to you. Break the cycles you are chained to. You might be one, flickering computer screen in the dark, as far as the Internet is concerned, but the Internet is not real life. Neither are movies, video-games or YouTube videos, dig? You, out there in the real world, is what matters. Your talk, your walk, your trust, your loyalty, your humor, your love, your want for self-improvement: all of this is defined in that person that sits behind the screen. And, that person doesn't have to live in a dark room while the world turns outside. That person can move. They can stand up and shout, they can clench their fist against the air, they can become something else than what they have been. Everything is in their power, if they are willing to fight for it.

    And, if they want to fight... they will win. YOU will win.

    I hope you find what it is you are looking for.

    Peace.
     
  5. life is beautiful. please do be considerate about your life. i had suicidial thoughts but i know i would have never acted out. why do you have these suicidal thoughts? if you want, you can send me a private message and i can help you
     
    joarev85, LEPAGE and EthanW. like this.
  6. Find your purpose my friend. Seek out beauty and truth wherever it may be. Leave no stone unturned. Message me if you need a listening ear.
     
  7. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    I am seeing more and more posts regarding suicide here
    I want to share my personal experience regarding this. ....it's a bit funny and long
    But please read it
    I have experienced sick emotions like emptiness, sadness, loneliness , public humiliation , bullying
    I have mentioned everything in detail in my journal.....
    While I was in hostel ......I used to think that it's better to suffer from a chronic disease and to die in peace without committing suicide.....but only thought of my parents used to stop me from having such wishes
    Every day when I woke up from sleep....I used to feel ...that it's better to sleep forever
    As sleeping was an escape mechanism
    Though this feeling was not constant
    Some little happy moments used to cheer me up
    But one day in July 2016.... I think that was 23 July.....
    I become seriously ill.......I was having fever in my head and my lower back was hurting me very much.....
    The pain of lower back was very disturbing and 104 fever was making it worse
    Then I got checked myself and it was virus of certain type
    After 3-4 days I recovered
    Then in mid August 2016 while I was traveling back from hostel to my home which is a 5 hour journey.....the back pain again resurfaced
    And this time the pain was also in thigh region and it was 10 times more intense....
    When I reached home ....I went to bed at around 1 pm and I was not able to sleep whole night
    In between I googled my symptoms....now here is the funny thing
    My symptoms were matching with bone cancer
    As I am a very negative person I feared for the worst
    I just started praying that please god. Have mercy on me
    Forgot what I wished earlier....I want to live
    That was one of the most difficult night for me psychologically
    Day after that I met with one of the best doctors in my area
    He told me to get urine and blood test done
    Now again I was anxious because that's how they diagnose any hidden disease
    When he called me for the result
    Thank God everything was normal and that injury was because of gyming for one month....there was swelling in my bone
    From that day on whenever I woke up the first thing which I do is to kiss my both palms and to thank God for giving me this life
    And thank God that dark time has gone now
    And right now I am in a comfortable place (fingers crossed)
     
    TC10 likes this.
  8. Thanks for all your thoughts.. yes I do see a therapist currently.
     
  9. The therapist... He's good.. sometimes it feels like talking about all my issues is too exausting and it makes them worse
     
    u376 likes this.
  10. Yeah, that's a valid point. I can see how that would be tough. I hope some of the other advice here can help you out.
     
  11. Plenty to live for, those that love you and those you love, your future can be great seeing all that you have accomplished but if you end it you won’t only hurt yourself but your friends and family your future will be lost and what accomplishments you would have had as well as any happiness that would have come your way find somthing to live for my friend even if it’s yourself you are important. Ask yourself what do you want from life then persue it.
     
  12. I don't want to die but I ain't keen on living either... Yeah, I know the feeling.

    Sometimes it's best to think that it will turn out alright, it might not but if you can trick yourself into believing it will you might get in a better frame of mind.

    Meditating might help as well.
     
  13. Lots of anger at stuff... Working on some changes... Unfortunately the anger builds up over a long period of time... Undoing all the things you're upset with doesn't happen over night
     
  14. Hey dude am sorry to hear about your situation. What has helped me tremendously (i was also totally messed up in life) were the teachings of Infinite Waters on youtube.
    I hope the best for you, pm me anytime if you want. Peace
     
  15. Ever feel tired of watching/reading self motivation? It's like... Does everyone else find it this difficult to feel ok in life? Can't I just wake up and live instead of always trying to look fopr answers
     
  16. Yes, you can! In fact, I would highly recommend that for you, at least temporarily. Self improvement is absolutely exhausting sometimes. It's good to remember that you're just human and you're allowed to feel crappy sometimes or to just have fun and let loose and not always try to be perfect all the time. I used to be such a huge perfectionist, but I've thankfully gotten past that for the most part and learned how to enjoy life more and not feel so anxious or stressed or guilty all the time.
     
  17. Yeah I have certain thoughts like that too, I'm sorry you feel that way. Sometimes I feel like if I died, it wouldn't be a big deal. Life would certainly go on. I think this is because I have known people my age that die young and it's sad, but I've witnessed it firsthand.

    Now I'm not suicidal in a sense of having fantasies or seriously consider suicide. I look at it as an option, I'll sometimes consider it a little and then decide not too after a minute or so. Would anybody that's not family attend my funeral? Would people in general be upset or take the "damn, that sucks" approach? I wouldn't want people to be upset necesarily, I would want them to remember the good times with me. But sometimes I wonder how many good times there were. You know, it's just one of those things that is there, I don't want to die but at the same time if I did it would be meh. I used to (I quit doing drugs a while back) do alot of risky behavior of mixing uppers & downers drugs and drinking excessively w/ them. I've calmed down a bit, but sometimes I think I'm supposed to not.

    I know your feeling of trying to be feel like a "normal, happy person." I envy that on real psychological levels, and sometimes I am happy. But I feel like I do have depression and it should be dealt with. I'll leave you with one more thing, I think alot of these people that seem happy and normal do have some sort of trouble in their life that their struggling with, might be depression. We're all going through stuff as humans. Maybe it will get better, maybe it won't. But there's only one way to works towards and remain hopeful. After all, hope is literally all we have. Hope might be faith ("God") for you or just a general sense of that things will get better.

    Good luck..
     
    Deleted Account and u376 like this.
  18. calo9025

    calo9025 Fapstronaut

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    You are not the only one going through this. I want to share my own personal story in hopes that it will help you. I have recently been hit hard with depression and anxiety and had similar thoughts to yours. I would lie awake in bed and just constantly have these dark thoughts going through my head. No one loved me, I was going to lose my job, my life is a failure, etc. I thought multiple times about ending it but kept convincing myself to keep going. The one thing that has kept me going is my faith in Jesus, my family, and my friends.

    I eventually reached out to my friends and then reached out to my parents. I righted a wrong that triggered this depression and I am now much better. I still have a long road ahead of me and I am not going to get better overnight but I am taking the steps to get better and get my life back. I have scheduled therapy sessions, I make myself go out and do things when I don't feel like it, I talk to my parents or trusted friends about what I'm going through to help me process this. I see that you are going to therapy which is a good thing.

    The point of this long post is that you are not alone in feeling this way. I too feel like I have had the crap beaten out of me emotionally and mentally and just want to have a happy normal life again.

    I am going to echo what some of the other posters have said on here and say that my faith in Jesus is what has gotten me through this tough time. Without Him I am nothing. I'm going to second @Castielle's statement and say that there is nothing like having a personal relationship with Jesus. I would not be here to type this message if I did not have that.

    I hope and pray that things get better for you.
     
    TC10, u376 and Deleted Account like this.
  19. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    I used to watch interviews of my favorite celebs to get motivated
    You should try that
     
  20. I used to... I feel like I want to give up on stuff
     

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