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I'm out of control...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Teck2021, Apr 27, 2018.

  1. Apr 27, 2018 #1
    Teck2021

    Teck2021 Fapstronaut

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    I started NOFAP the beginning of this year. Was only able to make it a month without relapse but cut out porn and hookers completely. I felt I was getting somewhere. A few days ago, I relapsed to porn. Today, I had sex with 2 hookers and then masturbated afterward.

    I'm completely losing control.

    Worst part about it: I want someone to tell me "it's alright." I want someone to tell me "happens to the best of us; get right back on saddle." But I know it's not alright. I've exploited innocent women who are being taken advantage of onscreen and in real life. I'm a bad person for rolling backward this far knowing full well that it's so wrong.

    I'm scared now. I feel completely drained of my vital energy. I feel not depressed, but numb with a touch of guilt. I feel scared that I may have another std. I've already caught herpes from a hooker. Now I have to waste more money getting tested and waiting for the results in complete paranoia.

    I know I deserve this.

    DON'T RELAPSE. STAY ON TARGET. IT FEELS TERRIBLE. IT FEELS LONELY AND IT FEELS DEPRESSING. THERE IS A VOID IN MY HEART THAT NOFAP WAS HELPING ME WITH AND I'VE RIPPED IT ALMOST WIDE OPEN. IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT!!!
     
    Teck2021, Apr 27, 2018
    Teck2021, Apr 27, 2018
    #1
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Apr 27, 2018 #2
    jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

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    Keep fighting.
    Same case as you.
    Never use my money for girls but I can tell you that I know how deeper it IS.
    Be strong man
     
    jk243, Apr 27, 2018
    jk243, Apr 27, 2018
    #2
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Apr 29, 2018 #3
    Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    There are resources available to help you, my friend. To name some, there are SA meetings, there are CSAT therapists, there are people willing to be accountability partners (even in this forum!) and there are people willing to be your sponsor. There are tools out there to help us in our battle with this addiction. Whether someone tells you its okay or not, you should always get back on the horse and keep riding, as they say! This is a battle that will never be worth giving up on. Even if there are no family members or spouse or children to benefit from your recovery, there is always YOU and that is always worth fighting for, my friend!
     
    Joe1023, Apr 29, 2018
    Joe1023, Apr 29, 2018
    #3
  4. Apr 30, 2018 #4
    jeremiah960

    jeremiah960 Fapstronaut

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    You are not a bad person...you are a person that is hurting and uses sex to medicate that hurt. If it were me I would join a support group and find some counseling that gives you accountability and direction. ( I have done this myself ) We are all going through our own version of this struggle. You are not alone.
     
    jeremiah960, Apr 30, 2018
    jeremiah960, Apr 30, 2018
    #4
    Joe1023 likes this.

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