New member struggling with oggling.

That's quite the predicament you seem to be in there. One of the best things I could recommend when you feel an urge is breathing exercises. I've given it to a few people already and they say it's really helped them relax with their urges etc. Talk to you wife about installing K9 on your computer. It'll block all kinds of inappropriate websites.

https://www.drweil.com/videos-features/videos/breathing-exercises-4-7-8-breath/

 

As much as it sucks to have to do that, it's a wonderful start. Perhaps you might try to suggest taking some kind of class together with your wife to help strengthen your bond?
I.E Bookclub, knitting or something like that

 

For me it's white women I hate to go to the mall with my wife. I look at them like they are some exotic creature that I've never seen before. I'm fixated on their skin and their blue or green eyes. I don't know if my wife just gave up on confronting me or if I've just gotten better at hiding it. Either way I still feel guilty and I know the woman I look at are uncomfortable too. I'm sorry ladies. Same boat.

 

Man man man. I feel you. Although I'm not married. Starring at a women in lust isn't cool. For me i like all women. But I'd have to agree for me it's majority white women. Idk what it is even though I'm not ashamed to say I like white women like how most black men are because if the backlash we get from black women. It's not that I think white women are better cause I don't think that. In fact I want to marry a black women. But there's just something about a white woman that gets me going. Their skin tone wether it's tan or pale. Their eyes and persona. I'm extremely bad with ogling at older white women like in the 35-55 range. Maybe it's due to the fact that I've slept with a childhood friends mother once I was grown. I saw her naked by mistake when I was a child and I used that image as masturbation material for years. Ive been had a thing for white women. But she did it for me and once we had sex when I was about 21 it was everything I imagined. I did everything I imagined I would. Ever since then I've had sex with alot of white women. Older an dmy age. Sometimes I think I'll get carried away and shack up with some older white women just to fill out my fantasies again. But I don't want to be a sex freak or a creep. So I try hard to keep to myself and look women dead in their eyes while talking and show complete respect. I had a gay guy oogling me at work so I know how women feel about us men ogling them.

 

I benefited from the Steve Akerman book Every Man's Battle. Some one recommended it on another ogling thread, so I bought the ebook and read it. If you are not up on your Bible (like I was) the first 1/4 of the book is a bit difficult to get through. But then he breaks into strategies for breaking the ogling habit and also offers a woman's perspective for balance. I had been doing pretty well until recently. That's what brought me back to redirect my focus away from the good looking girl sitting in front of me on the train right now. Typing and reading is also a good way to keep your eyes under your control. The book says if you can bounce your eyes away immediately (forget about 3 seconds or even 1) for 21 days, you build a heathy habit and avoiding an ogling incident in the future becomes easier and easier. Good luck Metal!
W.

 

I am in the middle of reading Ever Man's Battle again. Since reading it early last fall, I have begun attending weekly mass and find myself more in tune with my faith. During Lent I gave up alchohol but unfortunately my ogling habit came back. It's a great book and very easy to read. If you have trouble with your eyes going where they shouldn't, consider reading this book. W.

 

Interesting. I really struggle with staring at women. I always justified it by saying “what do they expect when they dress that way? They know what they are doing...” perhaps I’ll give this book a shot. Thanks!

 

You know Tiger, for me it's really more about keeping myself from being overwhelmed with lustful thoughts that then eventually trigger me to act out". But yes of course, as men we shouldn't look at women in a lustful way out of respect for them as people too. God decreed women to dress modesty but not all women are listening. Check out the book. I think you will like it! W.