I keep blaming myself, even tho it is not my fault - Relationship/dating.

Hi,
(Not really relevant to the post: Sorry that I have made different threads the last days/weeks. But I guess I am facing a lot of new parts of my life, that I am thankful I have already got help with, but I guess I still need some tips - I am sorry for those who are tierd of watching all my posts, I would be tierd of reading about my problems too hehe.)

My problem:

I understand that a relationship is where two people need to enjoy each others company and support each other. I accept that, and sometimes one person enjoy it more then the other - so there is never really someones fault if we look at a "simple relationship with out bigger problems.

Even tho, I was in a late dating stage/early relationship stage, I still really blame my self that things went wrong. The last time we were together everything seemed so perfect, and I felt she enjoyed being with me too, she even told she liked me that nigth.

But after that nigth, she have suddenly changed. Sometimes I think that I may have been to needy, other times I think I have not given her enough attention, other times I feel like I was to slow moving into the relationship, other times I think I may have pushed to fast into the relationship.

I know I most likely will never know, and I understand that it is not really one persons fault that it did not work out. It is just that we don't really fit together.

But still I find myself angry, blaming myself that it did not work out as I had hoped. Someone have tips to work through this or similar experience?

I do work on myself, like I did before I met her, but when I am trying to give myself time relax or when I am going to sleep or waking up, I wake up so angry, so many ideas that it must have been me. I work every day, I workout everyday, I hang out with friends and family every day. I do what I like, but sometimes I just get stuck with all this bad ideas.

I do understand that not everything can be perfect, go the way I want, and I should love myself. Most of the day I am my normal self, but when I first start thinking about what happend, I get stuck. I know what happend in the past is just something to learn from and move on from, but still it is stuck with me.

(Don't really need to read the next part, just some extra back ground story if you want):
Back ground story of my problem:

So a few months ago, I met this girl I felt was a perfect fit for me. We had meet at school and a few partys, but I did not really talk too much with her then, even tho I wanted too. Not too long ago, I found her on a dating app, and we started talking more and started using snapchat.

The first week of chatting I took the big step to ask her out. It went great and we started hanging out (Not too often, since we were both two very busy people - so maybe once a week).

Everything went great, at least I felt so but after one time we were together all the sudden she changed for some reason. And I don't know why at all. I asked if she wanted to hang out, some times she said we could talk about it later, sometimes she ignored me and other times she ignored me but started texting about a whole different topic. So I thougth she maybe needed some more space, so I gave it her.

After 3 days of no texting, she contacted me again. We talked a little, was quiet for day, then we got in contact again. Two days after that I told her I was going for a hike and she could join me if she wanted (because that was something we both liked). I asked very late, so I fully understood she was busy that day as she were.

We have not spoken since.

 

Thanks, yeah. I guess I just have to give myself some more time.

Not sure if I want to ask her or not really. The reason may help me walk from the relationship I had with her a lot easier, but at the same time it may hurt me a lot more too.

I guess I will just have to give myself some more time to get over her, and accept the thougth that there is actually no one to blame in a relationship, we may just have not been the two that wanted to be together. Even tho it hurt me a bit still, after starting to understand it two weeks ago...

 

Thanks again for a good answer!

True that she has her reasons, but for me it felt so weird after how she acted when we were together the last time.

I am not sure if I want to know or not. If there is actually an other person that she were dating behind my back, it would destroy me. Even tho I would never imagine her doing something like that - but maybe I have created a more perfect picture of her then I should or did not know her well enough.

It can also be the timing of the relationship, bad for both of us.

Again I am thinking too much...

I guess it is time for me to stop thinking why, and just move on. I did what I could to make it work, I am no better, no worse. If she can't accept or tolerate that, we are not ment to be. And there is nobodys fault that two people are not ment to be, people want different things in a relationship. I have to just keep searching and work on myself.

 

Yeah, I agree with what you are saying.

I am still not sure if I want to know why. Maybe it will make it a lot easier, but I am also afraid it will hurt me a lot more. I don't think that she would ever be a person that could date more then one person at once, but at the same time I am afraid I maybe created a false picture of her, or maybe I did not know her well enough. But deep inside of me I am very sure thats not the reason, I don't think shes that kind of person. I belive she kept cutting of contact slowly, was because she did not want to hurt (tell me that we did not fit or what ever reason), even tho it made all worse for me.

I will just try to accept that not everything can work out, and there is no one to blame. I will try keep myself busy and learn from it and keep improving myself! As you say I can not change the time I woke up this morning. That is something that is a part of me, and need to be accepted or tolerated.

If she ever contacts me again, I may try talk to her. Maybe I can meet her in person than and we can talk in person, which is a lot better then texting as we have been doing the last weeks. She already knows how I feel about her and that I would never do anything to hurt her. I just hope I have not been "used" in that why, but I don't belive that really.

I belive in the end she is a nice person, she did not want to hurt me, even tho she did. I have already told her last time we spoke that she could send me a text if she wanted to catch up (even tho some may say she was bad for me). But at least now we have not texted in 3-4 days.

In the end, there will be someone that makes her happy in the end, and me

 

Yeah, there can always be done questioning regarding more specific details maybe, but what I did or did not is just a part of who I am Maybe I was to slow moving the relationship forward, maybe too fast - there is no answer, because people are different I will always be afraid I could have done more too, but I think I have done my part (maybe more) when it comes to effort to make time for each other.

At the same time I have been thinking that the timing for both of us to start a relationship is terrible in many ways. We are both students that are busy with work and exams now the next months. The month after both of us will be traveling (because of summer holiday). The month after that, both of us will start moving to an other city, and no one of us know where we will end up for sure. So it would maybe be a difficult start.

I will just have to learn from the experience! What done is done, whats not done is not done hehe