my ruined life

You are wise to start now and stick with it. Read the “success stories” and become inspired. PMO is very similar to any drug in that fact that it alters your brains chemistry. The most important thing to remember is this-
You will have cravings but they will pass, you just need to ride them out. You will feel stronger and healthier the more you resist.

 

I believe in you man. Got to be strong, remember the end goal. One day at a time.

 

Great choice Sam.

 

You can do it. I started when you started and didn't get help until I was 38. By then it had escalated WAY out of control. If I can do it, you can do it. All you need is help. You should find plenty of it here and there is even more if you need it. Your life is not ruined, it is just beginning. It warms my heart to see you making a decision to get a handle on your life at such a young age.

Peace to you,
-Quinn

 

Keep at it, don't be discouraged. Even if it's your 100th, keep at it. You will learn and grow and you WILL get there. Every time you relapse, look at why. Take input from others as to why. Always always reach out for help. Start a journal here if you haven't already. People will help you. The more tools, the greater the odds of long term success.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

We are all here to help. One suggestion to your last post:

We don't get better by fending off relapse when the urge arises. Usually by then it's too late. You'll have to make a choice that will at times be too hard to make. We get better by actively working against it. We "live in the solution" is what I was taught. Engaging in some form of life affirming activity away from the Porn every day whether I'm feeling good or not, whether I want to or not is what it takes for me. So pick something, like starting a journal or whatever you like, and stick to it every day, even if you don't have urges.

Peace,
-Qunn

 

I would maybe pick up a hobby, focus your mind on other activities. Avoid using too much technology when possible.

 

@sam200 You've come to the right place. We ALL have been (and are) in the same boat that you find yourself in. We are here to support you in your reboot, recovery, or whatever you choose to call it. There are lots of good suggestions that you will find on here as you explore. I too am very new to NOFAP but I have already found such good advice and support in my attempt to stay PMO free. In my opinion accountability is the first and foremost way to conquer this beast. As @TheMightyQuinn said we don't get past relapse by fending off the urges as they come because at that point it is probably going to be too late. So I have a couple of suggestions. First find someone to be accountable to. You can be accountable to us on here, although that doesn't help you in the dead of night when that urge is so overpowering. In those cases, here is my second suggestion, and it has already been listed here. Find a "magic" diversion. Have a plan for when those urges come. Go take a jog, a cold shower, make the next level on a game you're trying to win. Come on here anyway and write about what is happening until the urge goes away. Anything to distract your mind. To be a little funny, maybe imagine the one person in the whole world that you would absolutely hate finding you in the act walking through the door horrified. All kidding aside, the first days are the worst. But you CAN DO IT!! Keep with it no matter how many times you have tried, it will be worth it in the end. And yes, I would recommend prayer when those moments come--good always wins out, right?

 

Oh, and your life is not ruined--it is just in need of a little repair.

 

Hi Sam.

It gets better with time. Insomnia is normal and will pass. Everything will eventually pass. I don't know all of the behaviors that you're trying to change (is it porn and masterbation?). I had a lot of behaviors that included those but some were worse. In my experience, I had to cut out the worst stuff first. It was very hard for me to "cold turkey" everything at once. I'm not saying you should or should not do that. I'm just telling you my experience. Different folks have different views. But for me, breaking the problem down into smaller accomplishments helped at first. Your recovery is yours and ultimately you make the decisions about what works for you and what doesn't.

One thing I would suggest, take a break from the problem, stop staring it down. You've got time. Spend your time building community. Read the success stories on the forum. Post in your journal, respond in others' journals. Get to know people. That will bring you closer to the solution.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

Trust me, I know how hard it is. The triggers are everywhere! Don't give in to the fear. What happens now is you have to learn how to have those discussions with your friends, and I would even say it is okay to look, (BUT just look), however, when the discussion is over, put the "rock" down along the side of the path and forget about it. Don't dwell on it. Right now your mind is fixated on stimulating that reward circuit in your brain. This is probably why you can't sleep without that release. So let's try something and see if it works. As you get ready to go to bed tonight, find some nice music. Make sure the music is not "suggestive" in anyway. We want to clear your brain of any thoughts of girls and the urges to M. Next, take that music and go out for a short run (if you can since I don't know how safe that is where you live). While you're running think of the things you want to accomplish tomorrow. Plan out your day, DO NOT think of any girls in any way. When you return home, take a nice shower, NOT a hot one tho just warm enough to take the edge off, and just enough to clean up a bit before bed. Say your prayers, ask for strength, and climb into bed. If you need to, keep the music going--remember, nothing suggestive. If you have to, find some classical instrumental music, I know--probably not at the top of the list of likes but I am hoping it will ease your mind so you can sleep. Now, why am I suggesting this? In my research on all of this, and you will find here on NOFAP that many suggest exercise because it provides a a similar effect on the reward circuit on the brain. Music just plain makes you feel good if you find the right kind. So it is my hope that we can get you past some of these desires. Let me know if it works out for you. YOU CAN DO IT MAN!!!

 

welcome

 

How you doing man?