[21-CHALLENGE] THE TWENTY ONE DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 11

 

Day 12/21

 

Day 4. Keepin' on keepin' on.
EDIT:
Midday update. Spoiler'd in case of potential trigger(no explicit words used, but still)

Spoiler

Saw no images or vids, just titles, but its insane the high you can get from just that. Especially if its been a while, because you are so sensitized then!
I had forgotten to be honest, its really too easy to forget. Its why the cycle can perpetuate itself, no?
Anyways, the site in question...will need to block it for a while I suppose.
Funny thing is, it isn't a torrent site, its why I got caught offguard. Think I will just block my torrent client whenever that site is accessible, after a period of time of keeping that site blocked tho.
I feel sad...and I could tell the different emotional highs I was getting while trying to torrent, I- my addict brain- was convinced I-it- was doing something fun and amazing and true.
While all it did was worsen its day, lose more time, and kill its current drive just a smidge.

Its not worth it people. It never will be, there's nothing to gain, its an utter illusion.
There' nothing to lose by quitting P and MO, and everything to gain in terms of time, health, energy and happiness. Change brings about quite a few tough questions and hurdles, but I would rather face that than this.

Give me a million hurdles, in the form of finances, people, bureaucratic shit and whatever. In exchange for living my life, I will easily take that over this nonsense.

...exaggeration, obviously, lets try to improve the world as well while acknowledging we have already faced our rock bottom, because there will be other challenges and potential different bottoms to face.

Life, it gunna haf 'tis ups and downsies, innit?

IKR, who edits such a giant passage into their post?
A relative called at literally the perfect time while it was happening, told em and got my shit in order. I feel crappy, but I will exercise as much as I can and definitely meditate an hour at least today.

Lets hope I get through my journals and shit as well, wanted to re-read them and re-orient myself as to where I want to be in life.

...sorry, this got long. So- Day 4, for now, I consider unbroken. Extremes won't help, though its possible in time or in the next challenge I will start considering purposeful searches like this as R's too, albeit minor and not that devastating ones.
oh lawd, I look forward to not being so ultra sensitive to this. DAMN IT PRIMAL BRAIN, NEOCORTEX HAS ACTUAL SHIT TO DEAL WITH, GO GET YO' PACIFIER. ER, ICE CREAM? WHATEVER.

k no me done

EDIT2:
Well...spoke too soon.
Been here, done that, yeah? Not gonna overdo the details. This blocker...I started using it last December, still not fully used to it.
Gonna go over my entire blocked list to avoid any future mishaps like this. Same deal as before, a site with a thing I didn't foresee.

What's done is done...time to downgrade one more challenge level.

 

Day 3/21
A seventh of the challenge finished !!!

 

Back from my business trip and ready to get back to daily posting. I missed you all!

Day 0! Let's get it this time!

 

Day 11 and relapsed !!!

I watched P videos. Initially I was watching movies and encountered many scenes that lead to this shit !!!

 

Been a busy weekend but good to keep my mind off of things. I finally took the next step and put restrictions on my phone (my primary way of looking at porn. Already have restrictions of my laptop) to block all porn websites. Make it harder for myself. According to my count it it is Day 4

 

Stay strong. Just have to not give up and try again!

 

Day 20.

 

Day 13

 

Day14

 

0/21

 

Kinda relapsed. Watched some P and did M, but I stopped before I came. I'm gonna let this one pas and when it happens again I'll reset.

5/21

 

DAY 12/21

 

Relapsed. Day 0.

 

Day 4

 

day 7

 

Day 4 of 21.

 

Day 1

Feeling good so far. It was productive day after all.

 

Day 4/21