Triggers led to edging, which led to relapse :(

Stay away from the triggers. In other words, human beings aren't strong enough to resist temptation, so just avoid it all together.

 

Shai_Halud I actually just relapsed today too. I was clean for a week and yesterday I recieved a check and I started fighting my self telling myself I wouldnt get a prostitute. And I was doing good until I was with a friend leaving Dollar tree and I see this homeless man and I give him a dollar and as I'm doing that this woman (like in her 30s) walks infront of us and I happen to be staring at her butt. She of course was a good looking woman, and I was trying to forget.

So last night as I'm trying to go to sleep her image came to mind and I got tempted and started looking for a prostitute I was unable to meet up with one. So of course the closest thing is Porn.
I've PMO'ed several times today. Feel like crap I'm hopeless, pissed, deppressed, and helpless.

I wish I were stronger to overcome, to hate porn and pmo. I've prayed to God several times to upgrade my power and strength but I guess he doesn't like me much cuz here I'am in another relapse..
You know (like many of us) If I had the absolute choice not to PMO ever again by the power of God, I would take it. Not to say Human reproduction would not be done, just not PMO.

I hate being at day0, I fucking hate it. I feel weak.. I hope we all overcome and destroy porn and everyother form of it.[/SIZE]

 

Don't let your brain tell you you can't survive without PMO. You tell your brain you can live without PMO and that it's going to be painful for a little while but in the end you and your brain will be happier. It's not that God doesn't like you because of your weakness, he guided you to this site because there are people here who can help you. People who've experienced, know and understand the challenges your going through. You didn't get where you are overnight and you sure as hell won't beat it overnight. Continue to pray for strength and allow God to help you through others and this sight. We're all soldiers in this fight again porn and we'll leave no man behind. Hang in there and have faith and trust in your God and in this group of great people.

 

Kenworth, is it possible to cancel your ISP? Live without private access to the Internet.

 

Thanks Dean058 for your words. I wish this world weren't anywhere what it is. I hope you and all of us get through this.

Jason, I've thought about that (canceling my ISP) and even living off the grid.. But I would miss my music.. I've tried K9 Blue coat web filter and had it installed last night, unfortunetly I was able to by pass it. My temptation was too strong.

Honestly I could live without PMO, its just the fact of temptation and the internet offering a quick solutiong with porn, unfortunetly.. I've gone weeks without a pc/ internet and Its freedom, but I also get my news on the internet..

 

First off, thank God for the victory of a week clean. Even if that's not a very big victory, it's better than you were before, and better that what could have happened. Thankfulness in the small things helps bring joy over all.

Secondly, realize God does what he does for a reason. I was trying to go all through advent MO free, but unfortunately I reset half way through... but I did learn something from that. That God is strong even when I'm weak. That he resisted temptation even though I cannot. That's what we're celebrating through Christmas, is it not?

I'll be praying for you. Keep praying yourself; it does wonders.

 

Ken,

You might need an accountability partner, someone you can actually call when you're just about to PMO. Better than any filter!

 

Shai_Halud I see you just relapsed again.. Keep trying maybe one day we will get through this bro. Besides our differences we have something in common. Good luck..

AnonymooseCub, thanks for your words bro. I wish quitting PMO was a quick and stable choice, something we didn't have to battle with, because of temptations in our world.

Jason, your correct I do need someone I could call, unfortunetly at the moment I got no friends or family that are either smart enough or spiritually able to help me. None of my friends have an issue with this or just don't give a rats ass about walking righteously.. But yes Jason I agree, I do need a partner.

 

Damn, wish I could help, but we're in far-sundered time zones!

 

Kenworth_95 and shai halud. I know how you feel. But its actually a great motivation to be angry with yourself. And to honestly hate what you're doing to yourself is what is going to get you out of it. I believe so. We have the strenth to chance our lives and we will.

I've relapsed so many times that I know exactly how I feel about it. I feel hatred and sadness all together with that feeling of emptiness in everything I do.

Opposite to when I'm on nofap and I feel that there is just this life in all the things I do. It's like I can sense everyone and everything so much better. A feeling of fulfilment.

Instead of craving PMO, try craving happiness and life.

Best of luck. Now kick that PMO habit out of you life on its ass and elbows.

 

Thanks for sharing man. It's stories like these that make me glad I found this site. While it's not good that u relapsed, it's good to know that there's 1000's of other guys who feel the same and want to make a change. I too have told my friends about nofap, and many don't care for it and think I'm crazy.
Being on day0 is a shitty feeling, but a good thing to do is use your anger and disappointment to motivate you to do something NOW. As in, think about what led u to that situation. Could it be that you had too much time on your hands? If so, plan something now to fill in those empty gaps. Turn this shit situation into a positive. Take action.