Was doing great until I went outside: short shorts and tight skirts

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by MasterRoshi, Apr 21, 2018.

  1. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    I’ve started to correlate the intensity of my desire to look with the intensity of my emotional state. The more depressed, anxious, nervous etc... the more I feel the urge to look.

    This week was an eye opener, because I’ve been incredibly depressed. And as you posted even the most benign of videos get my heart racing this week.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2018
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  2. bagonzero

    bagonzero Fapstronaut

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    I was going through this thread and a lot of great things are mentioned. I can definitely say im addicted, it is an addiction. No doubt about that. I don't come close to sobriety as my closest has been 12 days a year back. But there was an exercise I wanted to mention which some of you might have heard of or done, which might reinforce my idea into doing it daily consistently.

    You sit in a quiet room or anywhere quiet and just breathe in and out. 5-6 breaths in, 5-6 breaths out. Slowly, the mind empties by becoming present, but when thoughts do arrive, it all about acknowledging them and letting it go by focusing back on your breath or something else in the present. Doing this for 10 mins, thoughts will definitely come. By not dwelling on it and letting it go, discipline will increase for moments when you deal with images or women or pmo related stuff. I kind of look at it like practicing dribbling or shooting a basketball so when it's game time, I won't end up hitting a brick or travelling with the ball.

    This might be a meditation exercise instead of a breathing exercise, but I refer to it as breathing.
     
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  3. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! I do zazen meditation which focuses on the breath, so very similar to what you’re talking about.

    I never thought to apply that concept to this problem. Really cool concept! I’ll try that!

    Appreciate the help and insight!
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2018
  4. bagonzero

    bagonzero Fapstronaut

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    No worries. It's something my teacher said. You practice the skills so when it comes to the moment, you're able to apply it.

    Btw, I saw a post of yours on another thread. I couldn't find the thread anymore but you mentioned something about having a group to be accountable to. So instead of a single AP, did you mean you had a group of AP's? I'm just curious how that works out for you.
     
  5. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Oh, I go to Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)meetings. I have a handful of phone numbers of people that I can reach out to. I also attend 2 SAA meetings per week, so I have a chance to share to the group my problems and urges.

    This is probably what I meant. :)
     
  6. bagonzero

    bagonzero Fapstronaut

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    Ahh ok, that makes sense. I thought you were originally referring to an AP group on here at NoFap. With SAA, has it been a big beneficial factor for you?? And are the people you have contact numbers with through SAA only? Of course, the accountability is crucial but I am just curious of the overall experience and benefits so I hope I'm not infringing here.

    Different ways of being held accountable sometimes lead to different results, some better than others. Other times it depends on the person and what works for them doesn't always work for someone else.
     
  7. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    You’re not infringing at all :) I’m happy to share.

    accountability is an interesting topic. I’m very anti social due to my anxiety and my years of PMO. Making friends is hard and keeping in constant contact with those people is even harder. So the people I reach out to isn’t on a daily basis, although I would like something like that. I also don’t necessarily reach out when I’m having a craving (I haven’t had many). I reach out when my emotional state is bad; the feeing that I use PMO to run from. Also general “how do I live life without PMO” questions.

    WitH SAA, I have a sponsor. He was the only person out of 2 different meetings over the course of 4 weeks that raised his hand offering sponsorship. Due to his genuine desire to help other suffering addicts, I have a tendency to trust him more than most others.

    Along with him there’s about 5 people who show up every week and aren’t constantly relapsing AND expressed that they are a sick as I am :) These people have figured out something about staying sober that I desperately need. So I reach out to them as well.

    I do have to say that the 12 step writing I’m doing and developing a relationship with a higher power is very beneficial, because there is going to be a night when no one answers their phone and I’m left alone and the world is crumbling and the only things I can turn to are the tools I’ve learned and also a higher power. So in a sense, when he sh!t hits the fan, this is my accountability partner.

    On a more vague and larger scale, the SAA groups I attend are an accountability partner. I go weekly, I share weekly, I stay after and discuss for 10 minutes about problems, I ask questions, I dissect my addiction and seek answers. The meetings I attend are book study only so we really talk about the literature. There’s something really powerful to hear others talk and know you’re not alone, while focusing on the recovery rather than addiction.

    So... is SAA benificial for me? Yes. mainly for the accountability (which I’ve had to force myself to seek out, it’s not something that is easily offered), and most of all the ability to be taken through the 12 steps and start working on a solution to my problem. As long as I show up with an open mind and heart, and I’m as authentic as possible, I hear a great message and I feel the love and support.

    that said not everyone is sober, not everyone is nice and some people are kinda strange. But it’s not my job to decide who needs to stay sober. It’s my job to show up, put my hand out and meet people where they’re at.

    Finally, I just wanted to say again, that the people in general are great but being able to find a sponsor and work through the steps has been a huge help for me, which wouldn’t have been possible without going to an SAA meetings.

    Hope this helps and please ask more questions if you have them. This helps me stay sober.
     
  8. bagonzero

    bagonzero Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the response. For sure, if I have more questions I will definitely ask, I'm not going to hesitate :)

    I agree, that accountability is... an interesting topic, for lack of a better word. But based on what you have said, it seems you have found what works best that works for you and I'm happy to hear that. Like you say, accountability is important and the person usually has to reach out for it cause it's usually not going to reach out to you.

    At the same time, who to keep to have you accountable makes a difference as well. Not saying they have to be 24/7 but the genuine desire like you stated and the need/want to help makes a difference. If I ask for something, expect me to do the same. I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite, and say one thing and not do it myself so it's good you have that kind of person to get support from when in need.

    I guess I'm just trying to learn from others and then find some accountability for myself. My lack of accountability is I feel the big difference. I could definitely use it. I use the following analogy: it's like going to the gym with a partner. Sometimes you need a pick me up certain days cause you don't feel like going or whatever the reason. Other times, you need a spotter to push you and motivate you along the way. Just small increments but a slight push is usually all it takes. I relate to this cause I've done this with someone where he was in need and it changed him. Only difference with PMO is you might need that spotter for certain moments throughout the day or week instead of 4 days a week in the evening when you go to the gym.

    Though I'm not foolish enough to say that is the only thing I lack. I know I have a void, and sometimes those feelings whether it's life or making it in my career, come up and I fill that with PMing. Other times, you know what the void is and how to fill it and what to do but for some reason you are not doing it. There's reasons for that as well, which can range from lack of discipline to something else. Accountability can help out with that as well. Like when we go to school as kids, we get our report cards. If the mom and dad know, they will ask for that report card. Obviously if they don't like what they see, they will discipline or set up tutoring or whatever. They are keeping us accountable and then we want to do better in our grades. Sometimes, if no one bothers, you spiral and your grades spiral with it. And people wonder what happened.

    It's good to hear from others like you said. I guess I wanted to hear what you've been doing to keep yourself on top it so I can learn from it and see where I might be going wrong and where I can improve. Finding someone who works with you and you for them if that is also the case, is key. Along with that, I agree there will be moments when it's just you and you need something there to keep you strong and convicted in the choices you make. A lot of things you said has only reinforced some of the things I believe or have gone through, so I appreciate that.
     
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  9. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    Realize how hopeless and messed up mankind has become and you will be depressed and your libido killed, problem solved.
     
  10. AsharKiller

    AsharKiller Fapstronaut

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    I agree with all of the advices here as everybody have some sort of experience. I would say. It is all about mind game. There are times when same women are 100% attractive for me and there are times when same women are 0% attractive for me. From the house maid to the beautiful girls of my country. It is the amount of liquid released in your brain or something like that due to your sexual desires. Treating every other like the same creature helps a lot but it requires an immense amount of maturity. And it comes from practice. And the last level of this practice is when you see women without clothes and you feel nothing. And this is when you have reached absolute maturity. Though it only happens after 80's. But nothing is impossible . You see rich people in this world they can buy girls they can do whatever they want do but they don't do it. And why they don't is because they have greater things .
    when ever you look at a girl accidently redirect your eyes and then after taking 3 to 4 steps forward ask yourself what new did you see in that girl. She was tall thin etc etc, Ok so there was nothing new about her. I have seen such before. She didn't sighted me. And i am not a bitch thinking about her the whole day. They key is in lowering your gaze and being an innocent nice kid irrespective of your age. And you will become more beautiful than them. Remember everything that leads you to maddness P M and O is your enemy.
     
  11. Geoge watson

    Geoge watson Fapstronaut

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    That is male brain works. When you a girl with a skirt look away.take a deep breath and fill mind with Heavenly themes.George Watson
     
  12. JRex

    JRex Fapstronaut

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    Try being bi/gay and going to the gym three times a week, with men in tank tops :eek:
     
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  13. bagonzero

    bagonzero Fapstronaut

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    That's not a bad idea but for those who can't channel that depressed mood into something positive or use that to better themselves, than it might be an issue. There is a lot messed up in the world, so that does work. That or always be thankful for what you have and where you are. There is always someone out there suffering. I use that sometimes, albeit not consistently enough, and my libido dies right there and my focus changes.

    Btw, the 'bounce and starve' technique is awesome. That really helps, with disciplining yourself and in general. Appreciate that to whoever mentioned it!
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2018
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