Relapsed and binged thrice today

I feel sorry I broke my streak of 25 days today and I feel horrible I promised myself if I cant go through 60 days doom will happen on me. This is just a strategy of keeping myself out but I was extremely stressed today thinking of career and stuff as I am jobless now and competitive exams are in 40 days. I feel I let myself down and my loved ones I feel guilty and shame I feel like shit now. I dont know what to do feeling hopeless and weak. I thought I had to share how feel even though its not worth sharing.

 

Thanks brother yes you are right no point in crying over spilt milk in this case spilt cum lol. I should have acted tougher and not give in. Anyways a new streak starts from tomorrow and new beginning. Thank you for the encouragement and no brother Its not your job you are just being kind and I appreciate it. Thank you

 

Yes bro we can do this Lets start a new streak together you and me are on the same day lets keep tab on each other once in a couple of days or whenever you get time. And I should be the thanking both of you. I love this brotherhood in the community good people all around. Thank you once again hope you have a good day.

 

Warning : It might be a bit long
It all started from yesterday I have all blockers installed on my PC like stay focusd and cold turkey yet I checked on some filthy facebook psubs ( because I did not get things done yesterday hence the guilt ) and then there was this nagging thought that I had already ruined the purity of my streak ( Being an Indian we are obsessed with purity from milk to women and now to NOfap) I did not meet my daily goals yesterday and this cut throat competition of getting job made me feel I am loosing the race just by wasting time. Woke up 5 in the morning with The bad news of Barcelona blowing up there unbeaten streak in La Liga it pissed me so much slept for 2 more hours after totally messing my daily schedule. Then my cousin brother mocked at me for being jobless since 2 years at 26 years of age felt low at that moment of time. which led to me finishing only 20% of days work. Now my evil brain kicks in tells me there is a panacea for all this pain " Why don't you see compilations of actress in youtube scantily dressed techinically you are not watching porn just dont MO"
Me : " Well I can do that I did that yesterday also but I didn't PMO"
Porn brain" He he he he you have totally ruined your streak by watching youtube videos till 25 days you didn't and now you ruined it. YOU know what you might as well as MO otherwise the dopamine in your brain won't let you study:
Me : ' Fuck it you are right I wont be able to concentrate I MOed( not that great though even though spilt milk was huge)
2 HOURS LATER I finished a 90 minutes mock quiz scored with 100% accuracy.
Porn brain: " From tomorrwow you will be a starting a streak which will be longer than 25 days you atleast deserve a great Orgasm."
Me: " You have a point Here comes my SECOND RELAPSE THIS TIME WATCHING PORN"
Since I deleved into porn of wife sharing it scared me and made me feel sick thinking I can no way share my girlfriend with anybody.

HERE COMES MY THIRD RELAPSE FOR FEELING SHIT ONLY TO MAKE ME FEEL MORE SHITTY. !

Here's my story thanks for your patience if you read it full.

 

Thats the learning although I am a slow learner I will remember the lesson.

 

Today was tough I had this lingering and recurring thought of having one last binge before starting a new streak as I didn't feel content with my last orgasm. Had to fight the urges to look at my favourite actresses and pornstars still fighting. Blocked myself of all Internet almost for the entire day. The battle is tough after the end of streak.

 

You are right Tiger !