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No way out?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Blackswan, May 12, 2018.

  1. Blackswan

    Blackswan Fapstronaut

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    It has been 6 months since I found out about my husbands porn addiction.... my husband says he is not watching it anymore and does not have the need to watch it.... I try and trust him and hope he’s being truthful.... however I feel like my husband has no desire to be with me sexually... ( he never has been- but that was due to pornography)- so what’s the reason now? If ‘he’s not watching porn’ but has no desire to be intimate with his wife what does that mean?
    He has no attraction to me anymore because he’s only attracted to porn stars? Or for him leaving pronography is also leaving sex and everything about it? I dnt no what to think.... apart of me thinks mayb he is having otherways to release? Mayb he is still watching it? I dnt no... any thoughts?
     
  2. After what you have been through, you will need considerably longer than a few months to trust him again. He will have to earn your trust and respect over the coming years. The only answer to your question can come from your dialogue with him. It would be impossible to guess at the matter, especially for anyone here. It would be meaningless speculation.
     
  3. Blackswan

    Blackswan Fapstronaut

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    He doesn’t want to talk about it and also doesn’t think sex is important in a marriage... he has no sexual desire for me... is this fixable?
     
  4. Have you considered the fact that maybe he is in flatline or having withdrawals?
    When I was going through that...sex was the last thing, going through my head!
     
    seaguy44 likes this.
  5. Blackswan

    Blackswan Fapstronaut

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    What’s flat line? And withdrawals? How long did u hv pornaddiction for? And wen did u strt wanting sex again? @Hasegawa
     
  6. The terminology is here https://www.nofap.com/glossary/
    As for me, the desire came itself after a while. Can't say what period was it and it's not going to help you anyway because each individual is different. Myself I had (have) an addiction for almost 15 years. I went into reboot for couple of months, and after 30-40 days I had no desire to have sex at all...nothing.
    But, I can say you this. When it comes back, IT REALLY COMES BACK! It's raging and exploding and it's very different from anything before.
    Oh and btw, my wife used to bug me about this all the time...Am I releasing somewhere else? But that is not the case. If he really, quit watching it. It will take some time to shift the balance in the brain but it usually, changes for the better.
    I know I did!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 14, 2018
  7. Blackswan

    Blackswan Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your message...
    I spoke to him last night and he said he doesn’t find sex exciting- is tht normal? Is that something you went through too? He doesn’t have the want to have sex....
    My husband was a porn addict for 20 years... and has been over it the last 7 months.... is it going to be a lot longer route to recovery?

     
  8. seaguy44

    seaguy44 Moderator Assistant

    He’s totally right. For men, when we are in flatline, sex is the farthest from our mind. Our sex drive is dead. Withdrawals can be intense so sex isn’t necessarily what he wants at the moment.
     
  9. seaguy44

    seaguy44 Moderator Assistant

    Ask him specifically:

    1) how is his sex drive?
    2) How are his erections?

    During a flatline, a lot of men’s erections are basically dead. Mine were dead in that time.

    If he says yes to both, then chances are that he is on a flatline and you two have to wait till the flatline is over then his sex drive will be back very strong! It happens to me
     

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