Rebooted and feeling quite good.

I took a full look and made some real changes: better food, more exercise, better sleep. Feeling happy. Writing right now because I'm bored and lonely and that's a big trigger. So.

I'm doing no porn, not no masturbation. But I'm watching my thoughts: I don't want pornographic overlays on my life, so I'm not checking women out, trying to see all people as people, see what their face says, instead of seeing objects or icons around me.

 

Fucked up. Yesterday, and again today. Restarting. Goal: 20 days. Sorry me.

 

First few days I still really wanted to come, really jonesed for it. Two days of that. Then, now, I'm feeling even-keeled and glad that the blip was for once a blip and not a longer dive.

The craziest thing is that I don't LIKE the porn anymore. I've always been ambivalent, but it's pretty much a negative feeling from the start, which I have to PUSH through to use. Which should make it easier to stop, and sort of does, but it leaves a hole in my life - a go-to pleasure is gone - and I have no great replacement for it. One thing at a time though.

 

Still doing good. Feeling great. Happy to be winning this one.

 

Mildly tempted today but SIXTEEN DAYS - not blowing that. I feel good. I'll take feeling good over the shitty spiral of titillation becoming an orgasm mixed with guilt and self-loathing and moral self-doubt and depression. Thanks nofap. Keeping this up.