NoFap Newbie

Brand new to NoFap today. Started seeing more and more articles about this website and what it was and hoping it will help me.

A little about myself: I'm a 50 year old twice-divorced male living in the PNW. My second marriage ended a little over a year ago after eight years. She was/still is the love of my life and porn (and the masturbation that watching porn led to) was a major contributor to the end of the marriage. I watched porn even while married to her. She's a very sexual person so there was literally no reason for me to turn to porn (it always affected my performance in the bedroom for a couple days after watching). When we separated and eventually divorced, I turned to porn as crutch to "replace" the connection I had with her. Watching porn became a daily event for me (usually in the mornings and often times before bed at night). During our separation we were still friends (and still are today, just no romantic or physical involvement) and started to talk reconciliation. She approached me several times for sex during this time and each time I couldn't perform (due to the amount of porn I was watching yet not once did I consider removing porn from the equation) to the point she stopped trying and I was scared to try out of fear of disappointing her (it was a dark time for me). She recently started seeing someone who makes her very happy (her words to me) and that catalyst made me step back and look at the things I did (or didn't do) that led to the collapse of the marriage. When I did this and was completely honest with myself, I realized I had a problem with porn (I think I've always known that but the first step is admitting it right?). This is why I'm here today, to find a way to reset my brain and get back to a "me" that I and the future person I'm with can find happiness in.

Apologies for the long winded opening salvo. Looking forward to the process!

 

Thanks for the reply and it helps to know I'm not alone in this. I can tell you that in hindsight I wish I had communicated better with my ex-wife about all this (and that I had faced my addiction sooner). You'd be surprised at how willing people who love you are to support you.