What you MUST read to get the right mindset to stop PMO once for all

This is a very, very long post, Read it slowly. Some are my ideas, but many of them originated from yourbrainrebalanced poster Underdog and a lot of others sources i don't remember, I'll be fixing speling errors and always improving the content. thanks for MlohavaCuna for inspired my to do this.
Thanks for all the warriors from nofap.org.

I separated this in 3 parts :

1. Where you are. The true nature of the problem and the foundation of a proper reboot.
2. Why. Create a purpose and vision, and give urgency to it.
3. How. Readjusting sexual expectations and applying the "no arousal method".







The true nature of the problem and the foundation of a proper reboot.



Porn Addiction is Being Severely Underestimated



Most people in the community believe that in order to get rid of this addiction, all they have to do is keep trying over and over again, until eventually things will just 'click' and their brains will finally become rebooted.

Very few are treating this as a true addiction. They just see it as a habit they want to break.

This is evidenced by the stubborness of many, relying purely on willpower for months, only to constantly reset their counters and beat themselves up for not making any progress.

Most people don't realize how incredibly difficult it is to completely remove artificial stimulation (of any kind) for the rest of their lives. We're talking about years and years of brain conditioning here. Many of us here have been in this community since 2010 and we're still struggling in one way or another. That is almost 4 years of trying to quit for good. 4 years of trying to get to 100 days or whatever. We're dealing with some powerful stuff here, but it is not treated seriously enough, probably because it's widely accepted by society and is not a substance like heroine or cocaine.

I cringe when people relapse, reset their counters, and proclaim This is it, I've had enough, I'm going to do it this time.



Stop kidding yourself, really



This is an addiction that has to be attacked from many different angles. You need a full arsenal of tools and strategies, as well as a proper mindset. Willpower alone won't do shit, abstinence is NOT recovery What people usually try to do is go as many days clean as they can. That's all they do. That's all their goal.

They achieve a certain amount of days, then for whatever reason they relapse, so they start over and repeat. That is abstaining, that is not recovering. It is extremely common for people to achieve a certain milestone, such as 30, 90, or 100 days, relapse a few days later, and then find themselves unable to get momentum again. They go back to the beginning and they feel like they lost all their progress from their run. There is a constant frustration for lack of progress, people are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, trying the same thing over and over again without success.

This is because very few are addressing the real roots of their problems. Very few. Everyone is focused on how many days they have managed and if their symptoms are either present or gone. They judge their progress by measuring dick hardness, spontaneous erections and morning woods. They are "trying to quit porn" so that they can "get rid of their ED". So they abstain for as long as they can, hoping that this can cure their symptoms. This is the wrong approach

If they don't see ED improvements, they get discouraged. If they see ED improvements, then maybe a porn session or two won't hurt, right? f there is no woman around, they justify watching a couple of times. After all, they are not having sex anytime soon, so whats the point? They delay dating until their ED is cured or they have managed to go 100 days. But they never achieve this in the first place precisely because of this incorrect mentality.

The same applies to other symptoms such as social anxiety, energy levels, motivation, etc. They try to quit porn, so that the symptoms can go away, and so they can finally live life. People are focusing on the wrong things, they are not changing the way they think. They are not changing the way they live, they are not changing the way they view sex and women. They are just trying not to masturbate, while everything else remains the same That, is called abstinence, not recovery.



The Foundation of a Proper Reboot



Porn is the symptom, not the disease Porn addiction is not the cause of your shitty life. Read that again.

Of course, it's difficult to improve your life when you're having intense porn sessions every single day that drain your energy and make you a zombie. But porn is not the reason your life sucks. Please, this is very important to understand, you have to stop blaming porn for your problems.

This mentality of "life awaits me after recovery" is destructive. Porn is not the reason you're a procrastinator, porn is not the reason you're depressed, porn is not the reason you're lonely, porn is not the reason you haven't been able to lose weight or gain muscle.

You watch porn to escape reality, you watch porn to manage your emotions, you watch porn because you're bored, lonely, stressed, depressed, angry, isolated. You watch porn to feel good for a moment, to replace uncomfortable emotions and situations in your life.



Managing Your Emotional Life



Porn addiction is much more than just getting cravings and relapsing. One of the reasons we become addicted is because of our inability to manage our emotional lives. You have to remind yourself that quitting porn is about growing up and becoming a much more mature person. We've been using porn for years as a method of handling our emotions. We need to stop hiding away from uncomfortable life situations. We need to stop using porn in order to escape from reality. We must learn how to handle life and emotions without the need of porn.

A common motivator in recovery is the hitting of 'rock bottom' or, in realistic terms, hitting the point where the pain of the addiction can no longer be numbed by the addiction itself. When the emotional pain of the addiction's consequences have grown too great, the motivation to end the addiction kicks in as the addiction is no longer capable of serving its purpose. Although this is a significantly more powerful motivator than the first, it too, is ultimately doomed for failure in long-term recovery. Or, more accurately, it is doomed for a long-term recovery/relapse cycle.

What happens is this: when the emotional pain becomes too great to temporarily manage with compulsive behaviors, the decision to recover provides an intense emotional boost that helps to manage that pain. The person feels good, that feeling may last for weeks, it may last for months, but eventually, inevitably, the emotional intensity that came with the commitment to recover wanes, and the person finds themself, once again, lacking the ability to manage their emotional life and a return to the addiction (or another addiction) is the only emotional management strategy that they have. This, followed by a re-commitment to recovery, followed by another relapse...f and so go on... The cycle will not end until the motivation for ending it has changed.

Those who are motivated by a desire to end the pain of their addiction fare much better than those who are recovering for the sake of others. Such individuals can generate sustained, long-term recovery efforts. However, in order to make a true transition to health, the key will be found in their ability to move past the initial stages of recovery and begin to adopt healthy life management skills that will allow them to achieve emotional maturity.

So, in preparing your road to recovery, you will need to prepare yourself for a time when you might feel empty inside. It will come after the euphoria of beginning your recovery, and it will come after you have put an end to your desire to continue your life the way that it is. This period may last a few days, it may last a few weeks. Rarely, will it ever last longer than that. And in those few weeks, your goal will be to recognize this emptiness, and begin to fill it with the values and the dreams that you believe in.

We need to understand that one of the reasons we relapse is because we're pussies that can't handle negative emotions. We use porn as medication, we use porn to hide away from life, we use porn to temporarily relief anxiety, stress, loneliness, boredom, anger, etc.

Learn how to manage your emotions without using porn and you will be achieving long term success .Embrace all your emotions, negative or positive.



How you will get rid of this addiction



You don't focus on quitting porn so you can finally get to live life after you're recovered. You focus on learning how to live, how to manage your emotions, how to change the way you think and view the world. You put all your energy into building the life you want, this will naturally lead your mind away from porn, because success is not measured by how many clean days you've managed, It's measured by how much your life has improved since you started rebooting.

 

Create a purpose and vision, and give urgency to it.



Write a life vision for yourself



How do you envision your life a few weeks, months, or years from now? Spend a whole day (or week) thinking about this. Don't say "I don't know what to do with my life". Even if you're not sure, you need to give your life some direction.

This is by far the most important part of recovering from pornography addiction.

Write like crazy. Write many pages if you want, make the biggest post you've ever done in your journal talking about how you envision your future life, this life vision will be the foundation of your reboot, this is what you will focus on 100% from now on. Close your eyes. Visualize it. Write it down.

If you don't know what you want in life, then this is actually a more serious issue than porn addiction itself. Like I said, spend a whole week if you need to. Ask for advice. Take a notebook and go to a park. Inspire yourself. This is the beginning of your recovery. Take it seriously. If you didn't, please, give urgency to your life vision now. If you don't have your lfie purpose or vision, go do it now and back here later.

OK, you know what you want in life. Now you need to give your life direction, you need to move towards this direction. There still a problem to address. Many of us know what we want, but we keep delaying it, we're experts at delaying goals, we wait until New Years, or the beginning of a month, or until circumstances get better....



Give urgency to your life vision, now



Write down why you ABSOLUTELY MUST start working on it right now.

Let's suppose you're 27 and you have no job, no car, still live with your parents, and spend most of the day playing video games. Why in the world would you wait more time before starting to do something about it? This is urgent bro. You're fucking 27!

Or maybe you've never had a girlfriend in your life before. Well, what are you waiting for? Go buy some nice clothes, start going out more frequently, make mistakes, get rejected, ask women on dates. Start getting some experience NOW.

You have back pain? Start working on it. Don't wait. The more you wait the worse it gets. Start doing yoga or swimming. Move your hips and back constantly every day.

You have to stop living like this, this is urgent, this is high priority. You must convince youselve that change is imminentIt's very important. A life vision is no good if you have no urgency, you'll just keep delaying it. Waiting for circumstances to improve, waiting for motivation to arrive, waiting for the beginning of new year. Create urgency now.



Develop an indestructible belief in yourself


One of the main reasons we quit goals is because deep inside we don't believe we're actually able to do it. When successful people like Arnold Schwarzenegger decide they want to achieve something, they become completely obsessed about it. They have an indestructible belief that they will achieve it. They are not affected by circumstances. They create results in their head before they even get them.

This mindset will be foundation of your reboot, this make rebooting so much easier and your mind will be completely focused on what you want in life. You will be fixing the root of all your problems, to focus all your energy not fighting the old, but on building the new.

Stop making posts complaining about your shitty life, stop making posts saying how you're sick of being addicted to porn, stop talking about porn altogether. Instead, transform your journal into a self-improvement journal, Stop TOP STOP . stay focused 100% on moving towards the life you want. "Forget" about porn.

This is basic rebooting stuff, yet many people are constantly breaking this rule, they write about porn cravings, morning woods, spontaneous erections, what day they're on, how much they struggled to abstain, how they can't wait to reach 90 days, etc. When you consistently focus 100% on building the life you want, your mind will naturally move away from porn. You will also lessen the void left by quitting porn, which is very real.

Many people quit porn only to find themselves in this life emptiness that is very hard to handle. Then they go back to porn precisely because this void is too much for them, focusing on your life vision is a superior rebooting approach. Relapses aren't that discouraging if you're actually improving your life, ironically, you will notice that the more you focus on what you want, the less frequently you will relapse.

It's important that you think in terms of life vision and pursuing your dreams, not in terms of "I have to get busy and fill my life with activities so that I don't watch porn". This is something you're doing for yourself.Stop ranting about porn. This journey is about your LIFE. Focus on that and the porn will go away.

 

Readjusting sexual expectations and applying the "no arousal method".


Readjusting Your Sexual Expectations


This is by far one of the most difficult things to do. When you quit porn, you're not just saying good bye to artificial stimulation. You're leaving behind the world of "never ending flow of hot chicks with big tits and round asses". Real life is nothing like that.

We've been spoiled by porn. We believe that we should be out there having lots of sex with different women. We believe that this is the key to happiness and fulfillment. The problem is that it is incredibly difficult and unrealistic to "fuck hot chicks on a regular basis".

There's nothing particularly wrong with having that goal, but you have to be willing to take some MASSIVE action. You have to go through hundreds of rejections. You need to have a lot of balls. You must do what 99.9% of men are incredibly afraid to do. How many people here are doing what it takes to have the kind of sexual life we all dream about? Very few, if any.The rest of us are living in a dream world.

We see these super hot chicks on tight dresses and we hope that maybe someday we might be able to have sex with them. We read books about seduction. We visit PUA forums. We watch videos on YouTube of guys approaching girls, we make theories and discuss them online, but we aren't doing shit about it...

Here's how most people get laid in real life: a guy meets a girl he finds attractive, so he asks her out. They get to know each other. Then they continue to go out and form some sort of relationship. Then after some months the relationship either becomes serious or falls apart. That's the real world. You have to accept that, unless you're willing to take massive action, you won't fuck anywhere near as many women as you expect to. Accepting this is very difficult, but it is necessary.

You must stop living in dream land. I know this is very difficult to accept, but we have to give meaning to our lives outside wanting hot chicks. You should definitely change the way you view sex and women, because I can assure you it has been completely distorted by porn. By the way, there's anything wrong about pursuing casual sex instead of a relationship, just make sure you keep both feet on the ground.

We need to learn how to live without this world of endless hot chicks, otherwise we'll become extremely disappointed and dissatisfied with real life, which is nothing like porn. Anyone here is more than capable of getting a girlfriend, but our girlfriends most likely won't look like pornstars, nor they will act like them. There's a very high probability the sex won't be pornographic in nature. There's going to be a lot of sensuality, caressing, and also clumsiness. Some days your girl will look sexy, other days not so much, some days she'll be in the mood, other days she won't. Some days you'll struggle to keep it hard, other days you'll cum too fast, she might be able to achieve orgasms, or she might not. You might do it every other day, or maybe only 3-4 times per month.

Relationships are about sharing your life with another person. I know many people here want a girlfriend so that they can finally start getting laid, but relationships go much more deeper than that. If you've never had a girlfriend before you'll know once you get one.



Thinking About Sex is USELESS



What's the point of fantasizing? It accomplishes nothing. It slows down the reboot, increases the urge to masturbate, and reinforces neurological pathways related to porn. It's a meaningless activity that should be eliminated. It keeps your mind focused on sex, tits, asses, fucking, when it should be shifted towards other activities in life. If you find yourself thinking about sex, you should mindfully and calmly redirect your attention to something else. You want sex? Great. Then do something to actually make it happen. Fantasizing by itself serves no purpose at all, you need to understand that if you want to abstain from orgasm and masturbation, you cannot be thinking about sex and women, because this will inevitably cause you to relapse. Trying to abstain while at the same time fantasizing or peeking at pictures of chicks will only lead to frustration.

Stay away from any kind of artificial stimulation. Don't take peeks, don't browse pictures of girls online, don't type pornstar names on Google image search, Don't read escort forums. Just don't. If you ever want to achieve a long streak, you can't be checking out girls online, even if it's just some bikini pictures. You can't be fantasizing when you wake up in the morning. You can't be taking 5 second peeks at porn. As soon as you do any of those things, this huge beast called porn addiction will take control over your prefrontal cortex and it's just a matter of time before you relapse. You have to be extreme here my friend. But don't worry, it's much easier than it sounds.

There is no grey area where you are alone thinking about sex or checking out girls online. This accomplishes nothing, it serves no real purpose, it will only increase urges, lead to relapse, and make you frustrated.
As soon as erotic thoughts pop up in your mind, you should calmly ignore them and refocus your attention to something else. You keep practicing this forever until you master it.

You have to attack this addiction right from the root. Trying to abstain from hardcore porn accomplishes nothing if you're still constantly fantasizing and peeking. If you keep strengthening the mindset I talked about above, you will be making meaningful progress. This used to be called "Monk Mode", but I don't like that name because it implies that you're going to become celibate. This isn't about becoming celibate. This is about doing what it takes if you want to get laid, instead of wasting mental energy on sexual thoughts that will only improve the chances of relapsing.

It's actually harder to stop yourself from relapsing once you're already thinking about sex, than it is to not think about sex in the first place. How do you not think about sex? Simple. Focus your mind 100% on your life vision. Every....single....day.



No Arousal Method



Basically do not arouse yourself, you have to adopt a philosophy of "I'm either trying to get laid (approaching, texting girls, going out on dates, flirting with women, hanging out with friends, getting rejected) or doing something completely unrelated to sex (work, studying, exercise, fun, reading, playing an instrument, chores, housework, watching movies)".It's Black or white, again, there no gray area.

Dismissing erotic thoughts as soon as they arrive in your mind is the cornerstone for preventing relapses. This is basic stuff guys. It's Not Orgasm What You Crave Many people here believe that abstaining from orgasm is the most difficult part of rebooting. WRONG.

When you get porn cravings, your brain is not asking for orgasm. As an addict, it is begging you for your hit, It misses the high, the novelty, the rush, the unrealistic sexual scenarios, the fantasies, the super hot chicks, the perfect camera shots, the feeling of letting go and indulging in pleasure etc.

If lack of orgasm was the problem, then everyone would just fap without porn (or any other artificial stimulation). There would be no relapses and everyone would have 500+ day counters. The urge to ejaculate only becomes a real problem once you start peeking, edging or fantasizing constantly. When you find yourself in a state of arousal then obviously you will want to cum.

But the initial urges are "addiction urges". They are mental. They are not a physical need for ejaculation. If you feed these urges by peeking, even if it's just pictures of hot babes in bikini, then they will invade your mind and rob you of your ability to concentrate or remain calm. Eventually "autopilot" mode will be engaged and we all know what happens next. You're not having urges to cum, you're having urges for a "high" and a "rush". Remember this is why porn urges don't go away when you get a girlfriend. It is a drug, and you need to learn how to live without it, regardless of whether you have a girlfriend or not.

When you abstain for several days or weeks, your sensitized pathways are anxiously waiting for any sexual cue, no matter how short or brief. This is why people mistakenly confuse real libido with porn cravings. They take a peek at porn after 15 days and they feel this intense rush and urge to cum, so they conclude that it is libido and that they must relieve pressure. The problem was taking a peek in the first place. Had they just focused on more important things instead, they would've been able to finish the day clean without problem. If you manage to completely abstain from fantasizig and checking out chicks online (in any form), then going a long time without orgasm won't be a problem.



TL;DR Conclusion



These are 2 routes to take :

Focus on abstinence (what most people do).
The number of days doesn't matter, these counters doesn't mean shit. The rooten root will always be living there.
(You are focusing on the problem or equation that you or nobody can solve.

Focus on your mindset
I believe this is the path for a true change, where your actions will reflect your subconscious intent, the vision that you set for youself. (Now you are focusing on the solution).

Goal is what you want to achieve, let´s say stop porn, it's not strong enough, but your purpose, or vision, the direction that you are taking regardless you reach your goals or not, this is low level issue that you must address to be successful.

 

Yes man, This thing is no joke, people go around this like is just a habit, a game or challenge route, but they are just fooling themselves.

Thanks Havocsma, I glad it help you. first decidided to make this available for me in a dropbox text file,, but said what hell, let's put t online and help people that are in the same situation like me.

We are is the same boat Dubcon, I want to clean my life to be able to change it 360 degrees, I tried to stop and was able to go almost 3 months without O and M, but ocasional porn always broght me back to square one (I was worny all the time), so I got the insight that is not the ammount of time that will change you, the issue will always be there.

I did, In in fact I added and changed this so much, I'm adding content to it as well, and there other souces there I can't remember. As said, my goal is to help people here get ultimate mindset to stop PMO, I would not like take credit or anything, just to send the message. Focus on the end. The messenger in not important.

btw, I wouldn't like to be known like a non fapper article builder in real life. LOL

Thank you guys and have a great day!

 

Yep, fixed.

Im happy! I didn't expect any feedback to make this, You guys make me motivated me to keep improving this thread and make it cristal clear.
Thank you!

This article is not the one from Underdog, 30-40% of this article is mine, I removed A LOT, I got some of his original concept and added a lot to it too.The original source is different, bigger and mess with a lot of links, links to amazon books videos etc.. It doesn't even conclude anything, are just information over information, with no call to action.

Im trying to reach here something simpler, adding new ideas, improving and organizing to better help people from nofap.org the get the final mindset to sto fap once for all..
The issue is not information, but its meaning.

I want to make it acessible, easier to understand with a goal in mind.