Nvr Again, No lookin back, Only up there is to go

I broke promise I made earlier is what hurts the most.

 

This is what happened - "I already watched porn, so f*** it why not just relapse completely." Stupid brain. It pisses me off to know l am still addicted to this shit. I cannot go back to my old ways. I must fight. Porn is not good. Sexualizing women is not good. Wasting semen for seconds of pleasure is not good. How would my future partner think if she caught me watching other girls? I must stop this completely.

I was doing so well and then I failed my driving test and fell back to my old depressing habits. I stopped working out, I started playing videogames and wasting time on internet. I stopped reading. I stopped learning the new language. I denied my friends who wanted to play ball and hang out. All of this led to this shit depressive state. I have fell down thousands of time. I have failed over and over. But one thing I guarantee you I wont fail at is giving up. I ain't giving up till the day I die. Fuck you PMO. You will not control me. Fuck you depression, you will not chain my thoughts. I will be successful. I will not give up no matter what. I will not let these past 10 days ruin my summer.

 

Some motivation for me to keep going - Your father was a heavy tobacco user for a long time, and he was able to quit it and haven't touched it for 2 years now. If he can do it, so can you.

 

I abandoned NoFap, but its actually a great help. I need something like this to keep myself motivated. I hate myself for falling for this shit again. Completely back to where I was. No control whatsoever. Back to square 1
Imma gonna beat those 100 days.
Life without PMO is so much better

 

Thanks bro much appreciated. Yea, even though I know how good life is without PMO, I still keep falling for it over and over. That 100 days was almost a year ago now. I probably relapsed 100 times since then. Nonetheless, what matters is I do not give up. Someday, I'll be completely free from this. I 100% believe NoFap helps unlock your full potential as a person.
And I really do appreciate you reading my whole journey, it gave me motivation to be back here. Its the best part of NoFap. You can share your stories and learn from others. Normally this stuff would be a difficult topic to discuss with friends/family. Anyways, I am glad to be back. I wish you success on your journey friend. 16 days is damn awesome, keep it up!

 

Day 1 complete. I feel Great. I am highly motivated.

 

Day 5: I've achieved accomplished one of my goals I've trying for a year now yesterday. Super pumped.
But these urges are getting stronger and stronger. Came back to the forum to get my head straight. Haven't accomplished much today and day is almost over. I need more motivation... How the hell do I keep this up forever?! I don't care about a streak, I never want to do this ever again. Has there ever been such a man strong enough to resist urges for the rest of his life? Is this even possible?

 

Day 7: First week over, but I don't feel like I have made progress. On two separate occasions, I went on Instagram and started looking at super hot chicks. Started fantasizing.. Ultimately, I end up feeling like a loser knowing that not only the fantasy will never come true, but the fact that I sexualize women so heavily. My mindset is all f***ed up. I must stop doing this. I know that I can be a better person than I am right now.

 

I've done it again. Downloaded some pics of an ig model on my phone (deleted them). Watched twerking videos (never watching again). This is me finding ways around PMO to fulfil my lust. Therefore, I'm resetting my counter. I must abstain completely. Even my thoughts, I must battle. I will be free.

 

Pathetic. I will never lose.

 

Loneliness and boredom are two of the biggest reasons why I end up masturbating. Being lonely and bored means I am not doing anything productive. AKA missing out on an opportunity to become better, falling behind on deadlines, and simply wasting life away. I know I'll look back in the future and regret this. Mind tells me whats beating my meat one more time in the grand scheme of things? Not like anything is going to change. I fall into the trap. I do it. Then I regret it. Cycle repeats. This has happened thousands of time. And today, I'm putting a stop to it. Be hopeful, not helpless. Know that this is something you can control. Nobody is forcing you. Fight. Never give up. Succeed.

 

Back to day zero. Smh, Im so stupid. I knew what was gonna happen. Oh well, i can use this as a learning experience and not make the same mistake. NEVER GO TO ANY MEDIUM THAT HAS EXPLICIT CONTENT. Chances of relapsing increase by a thousand times. Once you've had that taste, its takes superhuman mental strength to resist. Cut off everything, no social media, no internet unless for work/school. I am determined to make this the last time.