Suicidal thoughts, tired of trying

Looks like major depression,
Consult doctor right away.
You need antidepressants for 6months to 1 year and you will be fine, then slowly tap off.
And keep fighting, life is all about struggle, try to get job, study further if possible.
We all struggle at different levels.

 

It sounds like you realise you need to take action and begin to get yourself functioning at a healthier level mentally.
This is actually great, although it doesnt feel like it at this time.

Id suggest therapy, and an addiction group/programme.

Through the above you can explore many things if your truly honest and open.

But nobody will sort your problems for you, people can help though, and you can also help others.
You cant make your past disappear but you can learn from it and learn to move forward in a much healthier way.
And learn to be kind to yourself.

 

Thanks for writing about this issue. Honestly I feel the same way myself! I often hate my life, especially cause I don't have the same 'fire' that I had before and I blame this at my 'PMO-misstake'. This night I thoughted of putting up the rope in my appartment... but I was to cowardly... You are not alone. Probably you suffer from depression, and so do I. We mustn't take everything so seriosly...

 

You can do this! I know it's hard right now, but I know that it will get better. NoFap is a testimony that anyone can beat porn... even you.

 

You can try to socialize little by little. Don't go and try to find friends right away. Rather just start having a chat with the cashier, or with people you meet on the bus. Little conversations can make your day and reduce the suffocating feeling of loneliness.

 

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, my friend. I know it might not seem temporary right now, but it is. Even if it takes years or even decades, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

You can fight this. You can prove stronger than the demons haunting you.

Also, go seek a therapist or a counselor, and start taking some anti-depressants with the advice of a doctor. There are resources out there that can help you manage or even mitigate your depression. And don't be afraid to open up about it, either.

 

My personal experience of anti depressants is not a good one if I'm honest, but I wouldn't advise anyone to take or not, that is up to a Dr/psychiatrist in my opinion.

 

Hey Eddy7,
My younger brother hung himself from a tree about 15 months ago.
He had struggled with pretty much the same thoughts as you, and TBH, I as well.
He was diagnosed bipolar after a failed suicide double attempt (swallowing pills and then hanging himself) and given meds which he took for abut two years, then quitting for two years and finally offing himself.
The main issue, IMHO, is NOT KNOWING WHO YOU ARE!
Although I have some life experience and have been through all sorts of ordeals, it didn't help me in finding myself or my "calling," only bits and pieces but nothing coherent.
Another thing I struggled with was finding THE ultimate set of values to live by that coincided with the identity I adopted at the time.
So I started reading and watching documentaries, mostly about history, and started to develop a sense of how I, here and now, came to be.
I went back to the origins of mankind, religions and civilizations, on through to my current existence (with varying degrees of rigor.)
It took a while and it involved many mental resets (if you do the research thoroughly and considering that you're a PMO addict), and keep in mind I was getting high the whole time, (but staying active though not so much socially.)
For me, finding the truth was what gave me strength, a sense of purpose, and after while also a sense of self. And Self.
Consider that you are now in a situation which you wish to escape, but remember - it was a long winding road getting there, and not all of it was your choice.
So what were the choices, and more generally - what is you identity/personality trait/s that made you inclined to making them, and where does it come from (the trait/s), both in a biological/cultural aspect and a personal aspect.
KNOW THYSELF.

 

Addiction is best sorted out of your system when this is combined with other positive life changes. The difference is that you are treating NoFap as a means to an end, not an end in itself (although you could say that PMO is inherently bad, which would justify seeing the end in itself as well... it's kinda both, I guess). Work on yourself, keep climbing that mountain, learn from your mistakes. The fact that you are talking about your addiction on here alone is already good, far better than drowning yourself in it.

Most importantly: Eventually you will die, anyway. And if you don't kill yourself today or tomorrow, you can still do it the day after tomorrow. There is nothing you can gain from suicide. The only thing you can achieve is making a questionable statement to the cruel world and society you want to get away from. If you are feeling worthless or guilty for existing remember this: You have been born without being asked for it. It wasn't your choice to step into the world, so how should you be guilty? The only thing you could be guilty of would be to not be living your life the way you are supposed to (assuming that there is *someone* who decides how you are supposed to live it in the first place - it could be god, but it could simply be you, too), but suicide would increase this guilt instead of freeing yourself from it.

The best thing you can do is to deal with what is at hand.

Hope I'm not getting too philosophically-abstract.

 

We are all in this together bro, stay strong.

 

“I have no idea what purpose I wanna serve”

Oh it’s interesting you write this since I was just going to ask if you heard of logotherapy, which is all about finding meaning in life.

A book called “Man’s search for meaning” is about how people are more motivated by purpose/meaning in their life than anything. And when meaning is unknown it is an “existential vacuum” that causes things like anxiety/depression. Victor Frankl wrote it in the holocaust, and used his experiences there to develop Logotherapy.

I’ll let you do more research about it since my knowledge is limited, but I hope this is a good avenue for you to check out. Purpose is sometimes really hard to know (no one can tell us what it is), and can feel nebulous, and takes time to figure out.

 

Hey man !

I can definitely relate to your story. I was once where you are now. From the parents stuff to not Finding yourself and trying so hard but never succeeding and others who dont really try somehow doing better than you. It is a terrible situation to be in and though to get out of. But It definitely can be done! In mine opinion what you need the most at this point is a positive experience. A feeling that you do matter that you can achieve something. And then you can build from there on a better life. Nofap can also be very helpfull. A lot of the stuff you said like social anxiety, performance in the gym tend to improve when you're on a long streak. Just like all the negative things in your life right now worsen each other it also works the other way around where positive things better each other and feed on each other. So my advice would be try to get a good streak going (30/60 days+) and at first try to focus at one part of your life you want to see improvement. And build on it from there. Don't give up yet ! Give it another try. Life can definitely change around ! And we will be always here for you!

 

My answer to you : yes life is shit in many ways. In fact i am not going to argue about that. I am myself very smart and i can relate to that feeling, when other people around you seem a mystery. It's because you lack calculation about people. You need to understand how they work better. Most of them are stupid, pointless, careless, dishonnest, etc...
What i am going to argue about, is that if enough men and women of good will do their duties, do their work in life, accomplish something, then the world will change. Someone has to do the job.
So find something, a purpose, a valuable one, and commit to it.
Otherwise you are just pussying out of life. Nofap will help you achieve goals. Become someone, do something, and bring your stone to the world. Only then you can die, but chances are you will not want to anymore

 

Porn is so strong that it has this effect on many people, it weakens us to such a state that we end up on our hands and knees begging for help. The P industry is guilty of ruining thousands of peoples lives, if not millions. This forum is place where we start to stand up and fight for our rights to have a normal life. Well done for coming here on this forum and sharing. I have been in a similar situation as yourself, its a very dark place, but rise from it, it takes time, each day can be hard, but do new things, eat well, sleep well, go running or go swimming, go into nature, look up at the stars at night, find a fitness class and become a regular.

 

Hi @Eddy7 I thought your message was very well-written and you have a lot of self-awareness. All I did when I was in high school was addictive behavior but I had all the same stuff as you going on deep down. I didn't find out until 23 yrs old or so when I had to go to a recovery program for drug addiction - I had been running from these kind of feelings all my life. I still don't have any answers except that I experienced some love from people in recovery that led me to feel love inside myself and now I love myself more. I went through an arc of suicidality for a few months of last year, and learned about my options. I decided every suicide option was either too painful or too risky. So here I am. I didn't even attempt anything because like I said too painful or too risky. Staying clean and working nofap seems to have made me feel a lot better about life in the last month or so. I used to say that if they ever made a "painless suicide pill" that was 100% guaranteed to work, I'd take it, but I haven't thought about that as often recently. For a while I concluded that I am just "trapped" in life and there was no way out that I would be willing to take, but I still didn't want to be here. I still don't really LOVE to be alive but I don't HATE being alive either. Btw I am 28 now.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation man, I dont know if this is an appropriate reply.. however i recognize a lot of your story, and i found a lot of inspiration from the words of 2 youtubers:
Infinite Waters
Gabriel Kalei Bocanegra

I hope it might inspire you too, but also if not, in general i hope that you can find meaning and more peace in life again, and take things step by step for improvement in life situation. Maybe try starting writing things down for yourself, see if you can set certain goals or ideas?
I realised at a certain moment that I am the only one who has the power to change my life... also ofc youtubers can not do that for me, but they have inspired me big time. But now im just on the beginning of the right track again, but luckily i feel things are going in a better direction... i was very lost and now a little less lost, trying to get more and more into the bright, right, good side of life..

Every day is a new chance to (try to) do the things which are most right.. i wish you all the best bro