Relapsing loop

Hey guys.

So today I relapsed, after 33 days of abstaining. Previous streaks have similar amount of days. I'm failing at 3X days. I would not write it, but I think that my strategy isn't working for me.

I have K9 installed and got filtred all this keywords, I always use,
I have made by me counter in C#, so I can do smoething for a moment and be proud for this program,
I have written diary, so I can track my progress,
I'm working out, I'm going on a walk, I'm trying to get myself busy all the time,
I'm trying to go out if there's occasion.

I'm trying to replace my bad habit, but it isn't working that way. I don't know what to do now, because it's another streak down with the same pattern. Please tell me, what are you doing to replace your habit.

Any tips will be good.
Thanks.

 

Hey, sorry for not replying, but I'm kind of busy in few last days.

I was lonely on the weekend. I was hoping to go out with friends to pub or another place, but my closest friends went out with someone else, or was busy with work, was spending time with GF etc. I couldn't deal with it, so this feeling took me and pressed me to the ground.

It's 3rd or 4th streak with +30 days, so I thought that my strategy is wrong. I have read many articles on YBON. Yet I think it's good to have streaks with ~32/33 days, if I think about guy on reddit, who tried 2 years to achieve one week.

I have changed. So much. I don't want to change back. This journey is so good, I don't want to go off this road.

My record is 50 days. It was during summer, so I had much free time, job and some duties. I was busy, so I easly got to the 50th day and fall off..... because of the same reason as 3 days ago.

I don't have a girlfriend. I didn't have one. Yet, I see that girls are looking at me in the subway, buses and other public places. I had so many opportunities to talk, but I have block. I can talk easly with other people - older woman, man, children or girls in my age (19), but I can't start the conversation. Before NoFap I did it once, it was awful, my whole body was shaking and my voice was trembling. I think that this experience left some bad expression on me. But month ago, some woman (about 30 I think) came to me and start talking. She was beautiful and very charming. After small talk (she have so beautiful eyes), we exchanged phone numbers and said goodbye. A week later we talked through phone once, but I think that she don't want to go on the date, so I gave up on her.

I don't have experience with woman. Mostly by fapping. To repair it, I reached for PUA materials (some of the things there are helpful, but some. Mostly they are bad.). It was short journey, because I have so much knowledge and nothing of practice, so I gave up (again).

Posting here gives me relief. Like it's home, where I can say anything I want. I'm thankful to God for the day, I discovered NoFap, and thankful for you guys. You're always there to help. I know we will succeed some day, and we will forgot about our falls, relapses, streaks and live fully.

tl;dr:
I was lonely on the weekend, so I relapsed.
I'm happy that I'm progressing with +30 days streaks.
The reason I relapsed is the same as my the longest streak.
I can't talk to girls in my age because of the block.
I love you guys.

@monkotto: thanks for carrying.
@Gasparzinho: Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing, but trying to stop it, and get myself busy with other stuff. I have read this some time ago. I think it's time to read it again.
@Jimb0: Hmmm... My goal is to be happy regardless of the situation. I think positivly, so I'm on the good way. I want to be a good son, brother, friend, in future - boyfriend, husband, dad and grandpa. I think this goal is ... good, but it is not specified. There's no other reason. I think I must set some goals.
@KrmGrn: I did it in the summer! Yeah, I must change my homepage and help others too. Thanks for reminding me this!
@monster_carrot: I don't have problem with forgiving myself. Number on the counter encourages me to be better and change something in my life - for better. Yet, in the future I want to forget counter and live my life.
@Abel: If my thoughs came true... I would be sex god before NoFap But this is true. If I kill this little though on the start, it will not bother me. So yeah, thanks.

Thanks for all your replies.

fukin too long. im so tired.