Story of my life

My parents was hitting my since i can remember and gave a shit on my feelings so i had get a sozial phobia(means i was ever hardcore afraid when i saw people and i couldn't even think anymore, but it,s for everyone a bit different)and complex.I lived with the shit my whole life and had get as thanks depressions from this. And no i had no friends. But I'm making a therapy . I solved already the most of the problems and i don't even compare me with others. Yes it's my first day but the girls still look at me. I,m a virgin but i don't have problem with that. I know it needs time. I found out that the piece comes from the inner, from yourself. BUT to solve my last problems i need more strength and motivation.
One of this problems is that I'm on day 1 again. I lost and after all the shit i solved in my live, I'm wondering why i can't even make 90 days.
My record is on 47 days and yes it gave me more power and motivation.
Just wanted to share this with you. My weakness is that i don't have much connections.

Sorry for my English