Hai guys. just now, i was surfing the internet watching nofap videos on youtube. however, during my surfing I excidently watches some hot girls fapping but it did give the full image of the girl fapping. however, after the incident i was a bit curious about the fapping girl. annddd i search it. I excidently watched some of the clip the browser. it was like maybe like few second before i realize what am I doing. Does it consider me as relapse or reset.please help your friend right here =(
I don't know whether it's a relapse or not, but it sounds like you're definitely treading on thin ice. Ultimately, your goals are your own goals, and only you can answer the question of whether or not you violated the terms of your recovery. If you searched for this sort of content explicitly, I definitely wouldn't call that an accident.
More like incidental edging to me, since you didn't do it on purpose, did you? If you don't keep on fantazising about what you saw nothing will happen.
It's like trying to find a legal way to get your drug. If you don't define your boundaries now, you will keep pushing the envelope until you end up where you never really wanted to be in the first place.
I'll be honest with you... I really don't think you should classify it as a relapse. A relapse is when you KNOW that you're on a program, and you make the decision that you just don't care anymore (i.e. "fuck it"). So you willfully dive back in. And you don't catch yourself or come to your senses. You just bury yourself in it, and probably end up jerking off too. Beginning to go down a youtube "rabbit hole," but then... having your higher self kick in, stopping yourself in your tracks, and not masturbating seems more like growth than a relapse. There's no bottom to the levels of hair-splitting, and purity-spiraling you can engage in. Give yourself a bit of slack. If you really relapse, you'll know for sure afterwards.
Personally I think self honesty is way more important that length of sobriety. We have ways to trick ourselves. We may think we can believe the lies, but we always know the truth deep inside. So even if you find an answer in this thread that you like, it doesn’t mean your conscience will agree. I would say as long as you feel ok about what happened and your intentions were pure, it’s ok. But if there’s any doubt and you know you meant to seek out sexual stimulation, then it’s a relapse. But remember relapse doesn’t mean failure. We put a huge emphasis on the time sober, which is good because it’s a way to measure our progress, but breaking that progress with a relapse doesn’t mean we have failed, it means we’re learning. It can be very depressing to feel like a failure, so I urge myself and everyone else to restructure our beliefs around relapse and what it means. Here’s a quick example. My friend who is a recovering alcoholic came home for the holidays and was super thirsty one morning after his run. He saw a pitcher of orange juice on the counter, poured a glass and started to chug it. About half way through he realized it was half orange juice and half vodka! He was concerned about relapse. After days of self reflection and talking with others he was 100% positive that he didn’t keep drinking once he realized and also it was a true mistake. So he kept his sobriety date. If for some reason he had taken a final small gulp at the end or something to get more drunk and lied to himself, he would have changed is sobriety date, but this doesn’t mean all the work he had done isn’t valid. This just means the date would change. I’m glad you’re reaching out and looking for answers! Thanks for your courage.
after the incident Im just going to bed much early. however, I do fantazising it early in the morning.damn son
Not sure if it's a relapse or not. Set your own boundaries and decide it yourself. If you think that willingly searching for porn and watching it constitutes a relapse, then a relapse it is. Your own boundaries will help you identify and avoid your triggers.
oh yeah, well basicly I only search for the video because i thought yeah maybe it will just give me the situation of the girl maybe not to far for her fapping on the webcam. yeah. but the video went very far to erotic for me so that i stopped.
GOod job checking yourself and pulling away! Spend some time thinking about if this is something you want to do in the future. You might find it’s too sketchy to even do that. Good job though!
You should be as hard on yourself as possible and consider it a relapse, since you searched it afterwards. Being hard will only help you in the long run
In my terms, that would be a relapse. Speaking from experience to you and other people reading this: The fact that you feel like asking this question kind of gives the answer away in the first place. Chances are, that after such an incident it won't take much longer and a full relapse is very likely to happen. It's important to quit that "autopilot"-mode and do something productive. Otherwise you'll find yourself in a bad streak day after day until the full relapse happens.
It is not relapse but it is a warning that you are very close to relpase. Your brain should have kicked the eroticism which is all about stopping PMO but it did'nt . So work more on yourself brother.
I had a similar experience - there was this bar that I hung out at during open Mic nights. (My sponsor was OK with this - I had a legitimate reason to be there. ) I ordered a coke, as always, but this time after a few gulps, I realized there was something else in it. One of my fellow musicians had told the barkeeper to add something. Just like your friend, I stopped drinking as soon as I realized, so I kept my sobriety date. I'm pretty sure I never caught a buzz, thank God.
I wouldn't call it a relapse but now you have a lot of extra hard work ahead of you. Similar thing happened with me during my previous streak, and I kept getting more and more curious about a certain girl I accidentally saw on Youtube as the days passed by, and I was not able to stop thinking of her. Anytime I got a chance, I would watch more and more videos of her and eventually I relapsed. So, be careful and force yourself to not think of the girl anymore.
I encountered a lot of times this issue. I don't like the relapse world butif you were in you, I would like to minimize the damage. Stay away just as possibly you can. Don't despair believe me it is not just about number of your counter, it is about lifestyle and longterm brain changing. There is no counter in your brain so just keep going. Don't worry about it. See this topic I created several months ago: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/i-have-a-question-about-triggers.153505/