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No sex with wife in 6 years.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by I'm Done-No More, Nov 24, 2014.

  1. I'm Done-No More

    I'm Done-No More Fapstronaut

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    So naturally, I PMO all the time...but not anymore...I'm on day 5 of the 90 day challenge...I can't take the shame and defeat anymore...I can't watch the NSFL stuff anymore...at least not without staying in depression...I don't know if there's any hope for my marriage, but at least...thank God...there's hope for me.
     
    Yesodi likes this.
  2. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to NoFap.

    A few things that I've implemented since joining this site are:

    1) Set my homepage to http://www.nofap.org/forum/forum.php
    2) I'm keeping my door open at all times to make it hard to PMO. I live with two female roommates.
    3) Bookmarked http://emergency.nofap.org - it works best if you don't keep hitting refresh but take what you need from it and move on.
    4) I'm taking cold showers.
    5) I did some research on http://www.yourbrainonporn.com and watched the Ted talks videos there.
    6) I'm reading/posting as much as I can on this forum.
    7) I'm keeping a daily journal and created a counter to track my progress.
    8) I wear a rubber band on my wrist that I snap whenever I have a sexual thought or become aroused.
    9) I flex all of my muscles rhythmically whenever I feel like I'm going to get an erection to direct blood flow away from it.
    10) I've watched "Sacred Sexuality" videos on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/user/SacredS...sort=da&view=0

    For brand new members I recommend doing these three things:

    1. Create a journal and post in it everyday, especially when you get urges. Just writing down that I have an urge helps to alleviate it.

    2. Set a goal and create a PMO counter to track your progress. Copy and paste it in to your signature. (You can edit your signature in your account settings.)

    3. Read and respond to other peoples journals. This will help to make you realize that you are not alone and give you hope and ideas on how to further develop in your recovery.

    If you do these three things you'll be off to a great start.

    Best of luck.

    - vM
     
    Kurapika likes this.
  3. I'm Done-No More

    I'm Done-No More Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much! Lots of good help here...
     
  4. Vision

    Vision Fapstronaut

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    My book recommendation for marriage: John M. Gottman. Good luck!
     
  5. TeddyBear

    TeddyBear Guest

    Have you seen a marriage counselor about this?
     
  6. ResetMe89

    ResetMe89 Fapstronaut

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    One good book i would recommend is Every Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoker. Its a good guide for me on this journey. It also comes with a workbook which helps you stay on top of your game.
     
  7. BrotherInArms

    BrotherInArms Fapstronaut

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  8. I'm Done-No More

    I'm Done-No More Fapstronaut

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    Actually no...she won't go to one...odd thing about it is we get along fine, just that I've been in the guest room for the last two or three years...anyway......
     
  9. beermagnate

    beermagnate Fapstronaut

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    What does she say, when you try talking about it. I suppose she doesn't give any honest reasons. Am I right ?
     
  10. ronin667

    ronin667 Fapstronaut

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    Hey,

    welcome to NoFap. I think we have similar experience. My wife also wouldn't sleep with me except 4 to 5 times per year, and decreasing. I'm also PMO'ing a lot because of that, I'm just not sure whether my PMO is the reason or the consequence. You can read more about my story in my journal (link see signature).

    If you want to discuss that, I'm listening (also by private message if you prefer).

    Greetings

    Oliver
     
  11. Ghost.

    Ghost. Fapstronaut

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    SIX years? Christ, this is exactly why I don't want to get married.

    Sorry if I'm being indiscreet but may I ask how long you've been married to her? Also, to a 21yo guy asking, or to your 21yo self, having lived the experience, what would you say? get or don't get married?
     
  12. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

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    I would say this is not normal for marriage, don't be scared away by one person's experience.
     
  13. I would say your marriage exists only on paper.
    Is it at least a friendship?
    Or is it only a kind of living community?
     
    rave756 likes this.
  14. mrlaw

    mrlaw Fapstronaut

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    And this one of the MANY REASONS why i AVOID MARRIAGE like the PLAGUE in the WEST!

    Seriously why are you still married to that.....???
     
  15. mrlaw

    mrlaw Fapstronaut

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    Ha another example lol

    I rest my case.
     
  16. Why avoid? Marriage can be very pleasant!
     
  17. TeddyBear

    TeddyBear Guest

    There's no case to rest. You can't take the negative experiences of a handful of people and attribute it to the marriage of everyone, especially to those in the "West". Marriages have their ups and downs, but just shrugging off marriage because some people have bad ones is not logical. No relationships are perfect.
     
  18. ronin667

    ronin667 Fapstronaut

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    And I thought that this was a community where you can share your sexual problems without being made fun of. WTF was I thinking?

    But seriously, although this may come as a surprise to you, there are more reasons to marry a woman than sex. If women have no other purpose for you than sex, then marriage indeed isn't for you.

    Also, there are good reasons not to get divorced, even if there are serous issues in the relationship. I don't know anything about I'm Done-No More, but maybe he has children. Would you put your kids through a divorce just because you are discontent with your sex life?
    Or maybe he's financially dependent on his wife. Or maybe he thinks he's unattractive and won't get another partner if he leaves his current. Or maybe he just loves her anyway.
     
  19. I'm Done-No More

    I'm Done-No More Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that's pretty much it.
     
  20. ronin667

    ronin667 Fapstronaut

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    Then let me make some more guesses, please correct me if I'm wrong:

    - She doesn't tell you any reason why she doesn't want to have sex with you, other than "I just don't need it" or "I don't feel like it" or the like.

    - She doesn't think that there's anything wrong with her, she's fine with not having sex.

    - That's also why she doesn't want to see a counsellor, she just wants you to accept it.

    - She probably told you more than once that she doesn't want to discuss that subject any more.

    - She knows that you love her and wouldn't leave her just because of lack of sex, so she doesn't see the need to change anything.

    - You don't want to tell her how much that bothers you because you don't want to put pressure on her.

    Am I right on any of those?

    You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

    Greetings from Germany

    Oliver
     

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