My husband can't see what you see.

Clearer than ever.
Just watch the success stories section there's some good stories on there with benefits they've noticed by abstaining from porn.

 

I would not focus so much on how to bring your husband to whatever you believe is right, rather explore the reasons behind why you struggle to accept your husband for who he is and not judging or trying to change him in anyway.
He is right by saying, that if you had high self-esteem, you wouldn`t care if he watched porn. It`s not his problem, but first of all - it`s your problem that you can`t accept him for who he is. Watching porn bothers you more than it bothers him.
If you can`t accept him and love him unconditionally, he will find somebody else who will love him better than you. Besides, the primal reason, why men are turning to porn, is because women do not accept them, so they loose interest in their wives not only emotionally, but physically as well... and you know that right? That`s the very reason it hurts you, because you feel deep into your guts that you are the primal reason, why he watches porn in the first place. And religion cannot and will never be sufficient ground to quit porn. It`s not about morality, it`s about personal and spiritual growth and benefits gained from nofap.
If he doesn`t feel it`s beneficial to him, he woun`t quit. And if he feels you do not accept him for who you are, which is true, he will keep watching porn and his interest in you will continue to drop until he leaves you or there is no love or real bond in your relationships and you both will start looking outside for love.
So please, my dear, accept him for who he is, allow him to watch! If you want, you can come watch porn together when you feel not in the mood for sex - this might turn you on as well and he might bang you instead of jerking of all alone to some hot chick on the screen. This will also remove any taboo between you two, and increase trust in each other.
In stead of talking about breaking promises, talk to him why he wants to quit, what are the reasons to not watch porn and so on. And if he is determined, empower him, make him believe in himself. And if he doesn`t feel like quitting, accept that.
When he feels that you trust him and love him and accept him for who he is, he will do the same and feel the same to you, and he will start seeing by himself, how porn destroys your relationships. Besides.. his libido to you will increase as well, so he will bang you instead of the screen.
Now.. no expectations. Only love and unconditional acceptance. Love is the answer. Always

 

Do you have any solid research to back this up? Personally i think that is just a poor excuse 'i use porn because women don't accept me' it might be a small part of the motivation for some people but i believe the reason why men use porn is because men are more visual in apprasing potential mates and are more easily aroused by visual stimulus whereas women tend to appraise potential mates on a more emotional/status level. Many men have been exposed to it as children too and it has formed their view of what sex and relationships should be like. Also we have paired it in our mind with masturbation thus masturbating to porn becomes some peoples only sexual outlet and later find they lack the social skills to interact with women on an intimate level, in that case it would be 'women don't accept me, because they wont act and behave like the women in the porn films i watch'

 

This is retarded. If she has a problem with her husband watching porn she shouldn't be watching with him. That would only reinforce negative behavior. Also many people here have tried watching porn with their bf/gf only to have less trust than they did before.

 

Porn is not about accepting women. Women get abused doing and get Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from doing porn. There are a high rate of suicides from being r*ped over and over. People are desensitized to watching it and are not getting enough of a dopamine fix. These production companies are allowing and encouraging women to get beaten (lot of what we don't see gets edited out) so that the addict can get the dopamine rush that they crave.

 

A spouse that watches porn with someone who is addicted to it - this is the textbook definition of co-dependency.
It's saying, "I give you permission to watch porn if I can be with you."

 

The trouble is he might not want to stop it because you told him to. I know of SO who refuse to do things because their SO suggests it, but if someone who isn't their SO suggests the same thing they would do it. I guess they feel like their SO is ordering them about so they refuse to do it.

Having said that he could do this quiz to find out if he's got a problem. J.K Emezi also has a podcast and the first episode might get your husband to think. But maybe you shouldn't suggest it because that might make not want to do it.

I've watched such videos and they've been no help really. Sure I feel bad when watching them, but feelings don't change behaviours - self-discipline/control does.

 

I think you confused marriage and Tinder. If they are married, he will probably not let her down because of porn and get another girl to replace her. That's complete nonsense.

I don't think so. First, men are not "turning to porn" but actually we could say that men are turning to women, because men are exposed to porn way younger than to real relationships. Perhaps 80% of men watch porn regularly before meeting their first real girlfriend.
The fact that this is her fault he i using porn is an excuse, as Thorswrath said. This is a real society problem and women can't do much to avoid it.

But I agree with you when you say that the problem takes his roots on everyone of them. We don't know enough about their relationship to determine if his use of porn is a real problem that put his health and feelings in danger or if this is an untrue feeling of abandonnement and jealousy which creates the conflict. I don't know who is right or wrong, but they both have to think about it to find the good solution.

 

Not knowing his personality and your level of connection /relationship it's difficult to advise. However if he watches a lot of P sooner or later he will probably suffer from PIED, and that's a weak point if you know how to explote it. Do it with tact.

 

Porn destroys relationships and harms this is too much for me i can not believe that people can tolerate this destructive porn culture.
Here are some useful videos for you too and hope this helps

 

Imaginary-real contract, FedEx will come by to pickup my PENIS, to be delivered on 22 July 2018, it won't be opened for my use only my wifes
Me and my wife been married for 33 years for both Christians we're just both doing hardmode pmo together, I would suggest that you have him and you go on a 30-day abstinence together 100% accountable to each other for hardcore pmo you would be surprised how your relationship will shape itself and do something that the way that God has always intended it to be I have promised to God to not masturbate and to not look at porn until only have intimate sex with my wife we're doing a hundred and twenty days hardmode pmo I'm currently on we are currently day 71 of 122 but really an unknown number feel free to contact me if you'd like I would be glad to help you I'm a 56 year-old man and my wife is 51 and by the grace of God we're going to make this happen we're both Christians also

 

I'm on day 71 and I don't think I've ever thought is clearly in my entire life and I'm we're more than halfway but we might go over there

 

They can but they have to be put in a position where they have to actually reboot before they can do that so you're caught in the crossfire I knew it was a female and so is my wife but I I got to say it's working okay

 

This pure garbage. So completely wrong that it defies belief.

 

There are a crap-ton of scientific studies on http://yourbrainonporn.com. They also dissect the disagreeing studies/articles.

 

The problem is, there are not enough studies about it to raise a general awareness. You're talking about a website that an average guy has probably never heard about, and that will appear for him as almost sectarian.

Just take his place : remember the time you thought porn was normal, and imagine your wife arguing with you and showing you a few studies against it, and in addiction you think that the main reason she's doing that is because she has a self-esteem problem. What would you think ?

 

It's way more than a few over there. If that guy can look at that site and still think it's because she has a self-esteem problem, he's just lying to himself. Plus, having her husband jack-off to a bunch of other women is a perfectly good reason for a woman to develop a self-esteem problem. If he doesn't get that, he's again lying to himself.

 

A part of this and helping him explorer without sounding a nag seem like the solution imo. You love each other and there should be no forcing someone into doing something. Of he truly is an addict where he watches frequently like more than once a week? He will realize himself eventually.

 

Hi Healingwings,

Firstly, there are some problematic responses in the thread. You should know that they are not shared by everyone in the community. Secondly, there are several things you can do to help your husband come to an understanding that what he is doing is detrimental not only to your marriage but also to his emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing.

As many commenters have already mentioned, porn is the object of an addiction that society has yet to acknowledge is real. Sometimes porn is prescribed to teenage boys as an educational tool. Often those who say that porn is not bad are trying to represent a progressive front and a move away from prudish religious ideas. The reason that religion says porn is bad is because it goes against the fundamental laws of Christianity - 1) "Thou shalt not commit adultery" and 2) "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's property". Strangely, these laws are undermined daily by marketing companies working for businesses whose only concerns are profit - 1) Hooters; 2) "Why settle for the iPhone 7 when you can have the iPhone 8? It doesn't do anything better but it'll cost you an arm more, and you won't be outdone by the kid next door!" The real issue here is not that porn is bad because it goes against religion but rather that porn interacts with one's physiology in such a private and pleasurable way that it is bound to create addictive behaviours.

If these behaviours were inherently good, there would be no problem with possessing them. But they are far from good. They cause an array of physiological traumas - erectile dysfunction, scarring, desensitisation, delayed ejaculation (which may sound good for you but it will cause him to eventually lose interest in sex altogether), and these are but a few. One side effect that seems to give people pause is that it causes a change in the things we find sexually attractive. Since porn triggers a dopamine rush, which is what makes it enjoyable to watch, continued porn consumption leads to the dulling of the dopamine receptors, which means it doesn't feel as good anymore. Thus in order to receive the same pleasure as before, it often happens that porn users turn to more exciting but often unsettling kinds of porn. This can cause crises of identity, which lead to anxiety and depression. You'll find many stories of that exact thing on this forum.

These are the facts you should present to your husband. Clearly he has found some way of making sense of porn consumption despite your religious beliefs and, as I've said, that is no different to what society has learned to do. Rather make it about - and this might seem mean and perhaps even unethical - the crisis of identity he would inevitably go through, i.e his masculinity beginning to wane. Show him this website too. It is very easy for us to turn away from information that asks us to come out of our comfort zone because we don't have the intimate experience of what the information is relaying. Challenge him to be the man he believes himself to be.