Does anyone have advice from there therapist on treating mental lust

Keep us posted! Thanks!

 

I have one
Stop sinning with your eyes
You cant avoid mental lust until you stop looking on girls

 

Can't help but also curious what she will tell you too. Thanks for sharing this with us.

 

Yeah, the lower brain is relentless. Try asking yourself the question "Why do I find this attractive?"

You might find that you don't like the answer you get. I guess it's about an agreement that you have with yourself. We all have different agreements. Why are you not watching porn? Why are you not masturbating? What are you hoping to achieve by abstaining from these things? Perhaps if it's not already part of it, throw in the idea that you want to stop sexualising women. We are primal beings but we are also cognisant beings. We cannot simply be controlled by our primal desires. If you see an attractive woman or group of women, is your attraction because you want to sleep with one or all of them or because you want to get to know them as autonomous beings who have ideas and desires of their own? Whatever your answer, there is no right or wrong. It is simply about the agreement you make with yourself.

 

Any update on what the therapist said??

 

interesting topic. I am a woman. I am attracted to random good looking people. How do I deal with it? I say "wow! that person is hot!"
And move on. I don"t stare at them or yell random things at them...
Okay once I did but he was really really beautiful, sweating with his shirt unbuttoned. Yes I total cat called him...But I generally do not.
Seeing something beautiful give us a rush. its pleasant . so,many things in this world are not. we had this one guy come to the coffee shop, he smelled so freaking awesome that none of the staff could speak. he literally stole our words with is very expensive fragrance. what is there to do about it? nothing Appreciate it and take it for what it is. but not doing anything those people would not appreciate if they were there with you. I think this is a healthy view

 

Well i have heard from psychologist that mental lust is just a fantsy we play in are minds not reality

 

I dont have a therapist, but something that helps me is remembering that theyre humans and not just beings for us to lust after. They are all daughters and sisters and moms who have lives and personalities. When i think of that they become less sexual and i feel sick for thinking that way in the first place. Just a tip that helped me.

 

I was told this by my therapist a few years ago.

Think of something my ex wife did that really annoyed me in the relationship (something like badgering me to take out the trash). Now, first three second rule, then conjure an image of this person badgering you to take out the trash.

Essentially, realize that this person is a real person and probably just as much a pain in the ass as anyone if you got to know them

Peace,
-Quinn

 

Meditation, Meditation, Meditation, Meditation, Meditation, Meditation, Meditation, Meditation, and then... Meditation.

Train your brain to focus on things you want and there's is the focus you need.

 

It might be helpful to understand the steps that lead to relapsing, from a substance use/abuse perspective. If someone is a substance addict and in recovery, there are typically 4 steps in the relapsing process: Trigger —> Thought —> Craving —> Use.

The step where we have control is Thought, and the same can be said of a behavioral addiction. We don’t always have control over Triggers (as happened in the situation cited, though we can have control over known triggers). However we DO have control over our thoughts. Are you able simply to acknowledge the trigger (“Wow, she’s very sexy!”) and then manage change your thought to something non-triggering (“Wow, she’s very sexy ... but I’m choosing to focus on driving, on the tasks ahead of me, and remembering the reasons I want to remain sexually sober”).

If we indulge the initial thought instead of changing it, then we continue the addictive processes in our brain, furthering the release of all those chemicals and neurotransmitters that create a craving. At that point, relapse (or at least a lapse) is almost inevitable.

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is all about learning to change our thoughts in ways that are more in line with our core values and goals we have.

Does this make sense???

 

Think the person without skin. All beauty will disappear. Well that's the reality. Imagine the person made up of bones, flesh, muscles and skin. It will automatically kill the list.

 

Well, that might be working for you haha. But since i'm out of flatline i can get horny from everything. Even from people without skin haha

 

You can say in your mind she is beautiful and attractive without saying “I want to have sex with her”.


Avert my eyes after seeing a woman who I may have looked at in this way in the past/take self out of situation (easy mode, using this in the early stages of my reboot)

Focus instead on making eye contact or saying "hello" with the person - (may have an added benefit for insecurity and self-confidence?)


Focus instead on my conversation partner or my wife (visually focus on them and appreciate some of her features, recall a fun memory...)


Humanizing/Personalizing the stranger (they are a daughter, mother, friend, colleague... with dreams, struggles, etc. just like me and others I love)


Understanding what my value system has been as it pertains to "attractiveness" and beauty


Reflecting/visualizing the type of man I want to be and being honest with myself about how this behavior will not lead to that outcome.

For me this was really hard a few weeks into no p or m but it’s leveled off a bit after a couple months. I still see women and think they’re attractive but I don’t freak out over it nearly as bad.

 

I’d say that’s ultimately your mind because you define what you see. But yeah, stop sinning in the mind is right too. You have the right idea, I’m just being picky

 

My PA boyfriend was going to a therapist and he taught him to put things away into the “messy box”. Everyone has a messy room or messy box in their house that gets used to stuff odds and ends into not to be looked at again. When you see something that triggers you, just put that thought away into the box and close the lid. Then walk away.

In other words, divert your attention away from the stimulus AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Don’t linger or give it space in your head. Just look away and focus on something else, say a prayer or count to 10 while visualising the numbers in your mind.

The minute you start entertaining the dirty thoughts or reasoning with the thoughts, you will lose the argument.