Relapsed...

I've relapsed about two weeks ago. It's been my fifth or sixth time since I've started my strugle to get rid of this stupid addiction! Everytime I masturbate and orgasm, I feel like complete shit. So the mechanism I've come up with is I masturbate, I keep edging and I never orgasm. Result: the urge gets amplified, I get almost desperate and I can't think of anything else!
Despite all that, I'm gonna keep trying. Life goes on and I have to keep fighting. Started the counter all over.

 

I was solid until the middle of the second month... One day all the right conditions appeared and screwed me over. And fucking reddit... Gone wild always gets me. I wish I could go back in time and not know about its existence.

 

The worst of it all... I've been a long time meditator. It even throws me off meditation. But thanks, this is solid advice!

 

Never give up, dude! We will win this stupid addiction, in the end.

 

That's what I'm doing. I've long been a Shambhala Meditation practitioner, so I have a large toolbox... I've started again and I'm looking at it one week at a time. Next monday, luckily, I'll be able to say that I've restabilished my meditation schedule.

 

Here I go again... 1 month and a F$%#$#$%! relapse... It was so stupid that I almost feel ashamed.