Hello, I just want to get that off my chest

Hey guys (and girls) I am Kevin, first time poster in here.
You actually helped me out already, to be honest. A few months ago I was in a kind of relationship and I had some issues , like getting and holding an erection And I was just so dissappointed and depressed, because I had the feeling that I was not good enough for her or couldn't satisfy her, you know? That's when I thought that something might be wrong with me. Before said relationship I was masturbating a lot and I even paid (actually a lot) of money for porn sites. After that I did some research and found your site, where I read about porn addiction. That's when I decided to try it.
So far so good. I did pretty well, if I may say so. To be honest I did not stop masturbating at all, but I had myself under control, kind of a "just masturbate once on the weekend"-rule. And I felt really good! I think the start of the new semester at university did it job as well, distracting me and so on (I had the biggest problems in the "dead time" between finals and the new semester, because I just had nothing to do, you know?)
But I had a major setback yesterday...and I just can't figure out how that happenend. It was like watching a train wreck, while knowing you can prevent that but you didn't. I actually had a nice day, even had a date with a lovely women which I will see again.
In the evening I then started watching a movie and drinking a beer. For some unknown reason I felt the urge to drink (back when I had the most issues, most of the time masturbation and drinking went hand in hand). So I got drunk yesterday and started watching porn again...and it somehow just got out of control again. But hey! Now I am the (not so-)proud holder of a 2year membership of a pornsite. And now, the day after, I just feel like shit, like my own body is disgusted of me. The damage is done, the money gone. The money may not be the real issue here, but I am really afraid that everything I went through is repeating again and I don't want that. Not that I got to know the women I mentioned before. I don't want to dissappoint her like I had the feeling in my previous relationship.
I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Thank you for reading this!
Cheers, Kevin
Ps: If that is the wrong forum for that I apologize, but I could'nt figure out in which this would belong otherwise.

 

thank you for your kind words and your advice! Yes, I was actually thinking the same, that the date somehow triggered something...I will try to distract me from now on when I get the urge (got even the Emergency Button on my bookmark bar )

 

Had a few hard days recently...got again to a point where I had the feeling that my body is disgusted at myself...But I thought that I will become a better human again and this morning was actually really fine. I was happy and all, looked at the bright sides of life and just enjoyed the good weather here. But then I got some msg's from a "friend" and...well...I just relapsed.
I hope I will get again to the point where I can get two to three weeks without relapsing