88 Days - PMO Free - Changes Noticed & Restart

I'm a 37 year old. Have been doing PMO (mostly MO) since the late teens. have tried on and off since the age of 30 to be MO free.I had realized at that age what was causing my low moods , depression, lack of energy & drive and felt mostly lethargic - with a brain fog. Life just continued and was just putting one foot in front of the other each day to be able to sustain myself through the day.

I did at one time around the age of 31 go 3-4 months without PMO. The changes at that time were amazing, I did cardio and was able to lose 12 kgs over 8 months. Had amazing energy then, could run up a flight of 30-40 stairs without feeling tired.

However life took an ugly turn again and I was back to my old ways. Various triggers - especially stress - used to get me back onto MO which felt like a safe haven and I never really recovered after that except for a few valiant attempts which lasted 15-20 days.

I have been a long term observer of the site, but writing for the first time now as I feel like this time around it is working and very well.

For the past year , have almost been in a trance like state due to the lows of MO. there have been times I have been sitting in bed and dont even have the energy or will to throw out the snack wrappers in trash of stuff that I am eating in bed. I just throw it to the floor and decide to collect them all later. Getting ready to go to office felt like a chore in the morning. Used to get tired by afternoon and really didn't feel like doing anything in the evening, except eat to maintain my mood levels and watch TV/ internet.

However situation has changed over the last 32 days with no PMO. I believe in no 'O' and believe it is the most important part of no PMO, as it do believe it takes away all your vitality. I have suddenly started having immense amount of energy. I have started jogging in the morning. This time my body is leading my mind. My mind is still scared and says this cannot be happening. However my body says, hey lets get out in the morning, and once I reach the park, body says to mind again, why dont we jog a little - I feel like it. My mind says 'nooo, I dont believe its possible, haven't done it in a long time'. However when I go ahead and do it, my mind is slowly getting back to normal. Now it believes I can do stuff. I am beginning to believe in myself.

My brain fog is clearing. I am again starting to get the passion for learning and then get a job, more in line with my interests. Needless to say I have more drive , energy. I have started to leave my bed for long outings outside the home and am not getting tired. I feel like I want to travel again, maybe go on a trek. I a generally in a happier mood - I believe this has a lot to do with energy levels. Also once you reach this stage, you absolutely dont feel like MO'ing. The things that triggered me earlier have a lot less effect now and I am able to control myself. Automatic objectification of women is gone. My hair dont feel as dry earlier - weird side effect. Also dont feel the clicking in my bones that I did earlier. I do believe in some of the eastern hindu texts that say that semen not ejac is re-absorbed and does lubricate your joints among other. Life is suddenly feeling a lot more meaningful. My mind is now able to analyze things and articulate for me a lot better.

What is working now:
- The main thing that's different in this attempt is that I have acknowledged to myself, the MO is leading to sure death. I can feel my energy depleting even more and more with age and recovery periods are getting longer. I can no longer continue to do this.
- I acknowledge that maybe PMO affects me a lot more than it does other people. Maybe its the genes or physiological make-up. Maybe god made us where it does affect some people a lot less, mostly who deny NOFAP benefits.
- I have had my share of fun and its enough for me. Time to live a meaningful life.

Whether or not I am unfortunate based on what I mentioned above, the bottom-line is that this my lot. These are the cards I have been dealt and what I have to play with. The only Option I have is no NO-PMO. Maybe others can get by in life without it, but I cannot.

The days progression after 'O':
- Day 1-3 : Matter of survival.Cranky. I try not to but sometimes get irritated pretty quickly and may snap at people due to low patience. Order a lot of food and eat in front of the TV. I know starts to get better after day 3.
- Day 4-7 : Start to feel a lot better. Some energy is back. Dont snap as much. Mood is generally better. Start going out of the house a little.
- Days: 8-15: Start feeling somewhat normal again. Think about long trips but really not that much energy yet. Do some city sightseeing but live my normal life. Brain fog is clearing a lot. Think about eating a better diet.
- Days: 16-30: Many changes. Still not 100 %. Brain is clearer. Have jogged for 2-3 days of the 15, not very long distances. Feel like I want to do this.
- Day: 31, 32: Mind feels sharp. Feeling energetic. Am able to see things a lot clearer. Went for a jog both days. Body is leading mind. Ran for longer than I expected I would. When I exercise, my eating habits automatically become a lot better,and is happening.

-----------------------------
Edit - Day 42
------------------------------
Had a tough time past few days. Kept having lot of urges and edging as a means of release. This was due to multiple pressures in life - personal and professional. However the good thing is while I would have 'o' ed at beginning of journey, has not happened now. It is a slippery slope though and I'm getting off it again.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Musings/ Notes to Self/ Principles to follow/ Self evident truths
----------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Do not edge. This is like playing cricket or football. Ill call it the game of edging. If you are a batsman in cricket or a goalie in football - you can be the best in the world, ultimately you will get out in cricket or concede a goal in football. This means that ultimately you will end up fapping even if you a high degree of self control. No question about it. The enemy has to win just once.

2. Wet dreams can happen - if you have sexual thoughts or edge during the day. Happened twice to me this year, both when I was edging for days. When in hardmode, you will be surprised that you are in hardmode in dream also.

3. I have had more energy on the days I have not edged. Will investigate this further.
---------------------------------------------
Day 43- 88 - This period was pure bliss. I never experienced so much energy, motivation, general happiness in my life. Sure I had a couple of flatlines of 5-6 days, but tided over these. I stopped posting here because life became normal and I had a new reality. I became far removed from the Nofap community because NOPMO became a way of life and the new normal. I lost quite a few kilos, became fit. Girls did notice me more, because I was confident and could easily converse with them like a friend. I started a feeling a strong interest from 2 in particular and this became my downfall. I had told myself Ill never go back to P or other things. However I might allow O if some real woman came along and I got a real opportunity. And this is exactly what happened. This beautiful girl, a chance to do the deed and it happened a couple of times. The above opportunity came along due to nofap in the first place as before this I never had the energy or gumption to be in touch & converse with a woman for an extended period like a friend. I wasn't gunning for the 90 day challenge but for more, had reached 88 though.
------------------------------------------------
Life has been pure hell after that - Read on
-------------------------------------------------
Day 88 Onwards - I am of the school that once O, even in a real setting, counter resets. That experience led to the chaser effect. Multiple rounds of P and O. The woman above vanished after a couple of encounters, or should I say I became distant. It is now 2.5 months later. I am a shell of my former self. Gained kilos. Lack of energy and drive. Down in the dumps again.
------------------------------------------------
I am posting again after a long time as I have finally cobbled together 7 days again. This time again with slight new understanding and with the inner knowledge that this will be a long streak. Will share these ideas and beliefs.

Regards.

 

Nope I did not, looking at porn and pics is a slippery slope from previous experiences. I did have urges though. The intent was to get through the first 20 days post which urges become less and have a lesser effect if they occur - from previous experience.

 

Hi Theworthywait, I have struggled with previous attempts and this time as well. Urges when I get triggers like inadvertently seeing good looking women on tv/ internet etc. Also, I get urges when I am stressed out due to job pressures etc.

The 'O' after which I decided to go on this streak was a binge 'O', What I mean is I 'O'ed and then went on a streak to do it 4-5 more times over two days. This lead to serious depletion of energy and I was in a hell much worse than when I 'O' just once.

I was convinced that there is no other way out for me than no PMO. This is absolutely the main thing. This belief that you are now cornered. This feeling that its gotten worse with age and I absolutely cant keep up.
One other thing that helps is knowing that there's light at the end of the tunnel. If I ever falter again, I will try remember this present experience of 32 days , the immense energy & happiness and how its vastly superior to the 5 seconds of pleasure.

Consequently what I try to do:
1. 1st step is to somehow get to 3 days with no PMO. This is the most dangerous period as we keep searching for that high and energy. Most of us fail during this period. In order to compensate, I order in a lot of food - home delivery and binge watch tv/ netflix to keep my mood levels up and to distract me. These 3 days I feel like a caricature, not human.
2. Once I have reached day 4, I pat myself on my back, have some energy in me. Cut down on the food a little. Keep myself busy, watch tv, go out, walk around shopping areas , parks. Basically I am passing time, trying to get to day 11/ 12.
3. When I reach about day 12, the changes by that time have been substantial and no-pmo gets a lot easier from then on.
4. I start regular exercise around day 20 and eating a healthy diet - no outside food - since I have decent energy by this time to start these changes.


My thought process was: In previous attempts, I gave in to stress triggers or out of boredom. This time I dont give a heck about my job or its pressure. I do above average work which will keep me employed. I feel like I am losing out on a lot more in life through PMO instead. Also, since I have now decided, that NO-PMO is absolutely the way for me, - so no cheating and away from triggers. NO 'P', 'M' - don't fiddle with the tool . Reach day 12 somehow and take it from there.

 

Amazing that you are on 60. Hopefully I will get there. Yes, you are absolutely right, giving into an urge is the biggest risk. One moment your are standing atop a mountain with months of sacrifice, the next moment you are in a bottomless pit. I am trying to train my mind where urges become less.

 

Hmm, will see if I have a similar experience around 50-60. Right now I am enjoying the daily surge in energy and changed circumstance.

 

Added updates till day 42 and added section on Notes/ Principles.

 

Added updates for 88 days and beyond.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. This time does feel like the previous long streak. Going all in monk mode.