Found myself liking kinky, weird porn instead of normal porn

Hello,

Let me just said this to you, I started masturbation when I was about 7, I watched porn when I was 10 and add multiple porn books when I was 14. I was in "normal porn" and had a girlfriend. We had great sex together but I have to admit that I enjoyed a lot scene where I was able to watch her face doing things instead of enjoying the feeling.

I had sex for the first time when I was 17 and after that I became addict to porn and started to watch more and more terrible bullshit.

I ended up watching hardcore, then fake porn with fake tits, fake dick, fake cumshot.. Then I've started to read porc comics and hentai because reality could not satisfy me anymore.

I had sex with 6-8 girls in total. Why not 6 or 7 or 8 ? Because I've put my penis in 6 girls with my dick "hard".
1 - first gf = hard like rock -> orgasm
2-5 : bluepill, drunk, mess, not really hard -> no orgasm
6 : last gf, we waited one year, drunk for first times then it's pretty ok but feel like masturbation ++ -> orgasm
7-8 : 2 prostitutes, I've put my penis in but I was not hard -> NO ORGASM LOL

And I don't count the times I had ED and had to go back home feeling like a joke. Plus that girl that made fun of me when I was 19-20 for this (I'm 25 now). She was just a dick (the irony). Every one wanted to fuck her, I did not want cause I knew I would not be able to, but she convinced me cause she was an HB+ and I tried to let myself go, drunk and bluepill.. She was a beast of sex, doing amazing thing.. But I could not stay hard even with an insane porn blowjob that made me hard.. She took 30s to take a condom and my dick was dead, no desire..

When I was 21, I wanted so much to have ONE girl, I stoped watched porn and masturbation to fuck up, I relapsed so many times, could not hold my hand after a week.. But I still managed to put my dick in her. No orgasm, sex was meh, she masturbated me and the orgasm was awesome but I had to focus on my toughts ..

What I want to say is that you should NOT feel alone, you did stupid things on internet, okay, just read the forum and oh i'm here too so we're at least 2 now. Don't fall thinking like I did "oh, i'm so fucked up, no one has ever been fucked up as I am, I'm lost, I should not give up on porn cause it's the only sex that works with me" BUT NO, it is false. I bet you never tried to stop masturbation for 30-60-90 days ? Neither do I.

That's the prove that doing the same thing again and again and again won't change anything. So, do your no PMO journey and then, if it does not work (it will work) you can go back to porn. Don't waste years like I did.

No matter what you've did, no matter what you've have watched, no matter what you've done with your dick and toughts, you're not a monster, you're human and everyone will tell you this : this is 100% reversible.

Oh and, you shoumd read this as well :
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...and-desensitization-and-how-you-can-to.74377/

 

I believe if you stop porn and commit to no PMO, you will get hard when you find a partner, and also will develop confidence to find a partner and want to have “normal” sex. I cannot give you a time frame, but I’m 30, married, have been masturbating since I was 7 and my sex life with my wife has never been better lately.

My entire sex life before was tainted and ruined by porn because I thought that the way sex was in porn was the way it should be in life. And that’s not to that case at all. Porn is scripted, fake, over exaggerated and unnatural. Make porn stars are given blue or yelllow pill just to stay hard and erect.

 

@ShockTheSystem Your post gave me hope.

 

@BlueEye “Look at me, I'm living proof.
You're not alone. we have each other and we'll pull through.
This chapter's called "you're alive."
You've been writing it the whole time.
So come back to life” Vanna - “Digging”

 

@ShockTheSystem This fit perfectly with the situation + I did not know this band, I like that song, it does match my kind !

 

Yes sir, @BlueEye, Vanna is an amazing and positive band. If you like that song keep listening. I read through your other posts which I will reply to ASAP about you and your father, they have a lot of songs about situations similar. Please keep listening and venting and telling your feelings, it’s really brave and inspiring to me.

 

@ShockTheSystem Thank you for sharing your music, I do like it. Yes, I'm trying to be as honest as possible to fix myself once and for all.

 

If you like Vanna, please listen to an album called “Renacer” by Senses Fail. It has got me through so much lately with how positive and life changing it is.