Intense sadness when forcing myself not to look at girls in skimpy outfits

Same. Here. Exactly. I’ve also been trying the 3 second rule and no second glances. It’s hard. I do fail sometimes. But sometimes I don’t. I’m better than I used to.

I used to do like you said. Re-position yourself for better views. Or at the store I would go down a aisle I didn’t even need to go down to check out and stare at a female.

 

I think I can relate to that. Sad that I didn't have it when I was at the right age and knowing now that it will never happen.
I think that I'm learning from this site that there is common experience and we aren't as alone as we think we are.

 

....and I thought it was just me.....

 

I do that too all the time! I didn’t even to go check that aisle and go there when I see a hot girl

 

I did that a lot in the past. Much less now, though once in a while.....

 

I'll take this a step further. I have sometimes considered going to stores in the poorer districts and being fairly obvious in my ogling - with the tip of a $100 bill sticking out my shirt pocket.

I haven't considered it long, but it doesn't take much of that sort of thinking to know that I am a sick fuck.

 

Teens are attractive accept that.
You feel obsessed because you have a Cognitive dissonance over the attraction you feel. Your arousal system says one thing while you pre-frontal cortex is saying another, this gives it a taboo quality which makes your mind associate the feeling of attraction and the feelings of anxiety together creating a extremely powerful concoction of chemicals in your mind.

You need to accept that, (regardless over that societal echo chamber regarding age and attraction), people under the age of 18 can be/are attractive. When you accept it you can then learn to let it go, when you let go of this obsession you will find that you'll begin to see attractive qualities in more age appropriate women.

When I say accept that does not mean you have a free pass to gawk at teens and certainly does not mean you should peruse them (though, from the way you speak I can tell that's not really your intention).

Accept means, notice and move on, you can look, you can notice, but work on stopping your obsession. When you see an attractive teen think to yourself "I acknowledge she is very attractive", then detract your self with something else, I personally recite the loving kindness mantra.

 

Exactly, transcendence as opposed to resistance.

The other Buddhist perspective on this is that compulsive attraction and obsession is a massive reduction of full reality. They therefore practice exploring all sides of phenomena, including the more unsavoury and gross aspects.

I.E there is the valid view of a pretty teen girl as seductive and arousing. But she also has skin, teeth, hair, nails, bone, nerves, guts, blood, pus, faeces, urine etc. All equally real and present.

 

This reminds me of a dialog with another member, in a completely different thread after one of my many relapses. The way you feel is not abnormal at all:

(emphasis added.)

 

Your honesty reflects your commitment to change. It’s a hard emotion to confess but I certainly have felt the sense of loss when I consider I’m attempting to never think of women other than my wife again. I think that isn’t uncommon. I also feel I missed out on some precious time as a teenager. Confidence issues, objectification, P, all interfered with me getting a girl and P became the go to girl.
Not helping us forget about those girls of our high school memories is the huge P focus on young women. It’s no surprise we fall to lust for the objects we have been bombarded by for years of P watching.
Trust the proceeds!!! Reboot should help with the physical and the mental reinforcement of negative and destructive P thoughts. I agree, as long as we lust after women we have no chance, no actuall need for, and are entirely inappropriate, then we are boys, not men.
I’m sorry about your marriage, mine too is at great risk, depends on my ability to beat this problem of Lust.

 

I think it's a little deeper than that. I think it's a sort of imprinting, because we are surrounded with young, developing girls at the time that our puberty occurs, and the hormones start flowing so hard. I think it's more than just the porn. And that's another reason I think that the attraction to young girls is natural, or at least to be expected, given how our school systems are set up. Certainly though, it is not helpful as we grow older and try to make ourselves right.

 

The teenage years are a short period. very short, in which most dont really get "what they want": they dont have the wonderful puberty/adolescents that the movies etc promote. Instead its a time full of fears, bullying, pressure and spots (exagerated of course....) A very small number of guys makes in this time really 1. good sexual experiences with 2. really hot chicks. I think this causes a lot of subconcious resentiments: against the "winners" (of that time) against the girls - and against oneself...The thing is that sooner or later one cant repeat it. The chance to get in touch with a girl that age over 30 is relative small. It happens though, but usualy wont function because of 1. the social stigma and 2. the individual differences. I know what im talking about (the rest is up to your fantasy...) Its is actually really "impossible": and this is what probably hurts most - knowing that we did miss something that wont come back. Cause the only "chance" (if one wants to call it like that) is a super complicated, surely faced paced relationship to a girl that has - you can be 99 percent sure - big issues herself. And since teens are insecure, afraid and picky chances are it wont be the "cheerleader-super-hottie". And even if so: there`ll be her issues, as well as yours, and the social stigma... been there, lived it hahahahaa
I wouldnt perceive it too much in pathological terms: its perfectly fine finding a well developed girl somewhere between 16 and 18 attractive. we "all" do... They are sometimes surely cuter since they do show features which are anyway supposed to be THE attractive features for women of all age (innocent, fresh look etc).
To put it into a single phrase: i think what you suffer is the terrible idea of never ever being able to do something you did lack to do in your life. One of the worst feelings one can have. I can only see two possibilities which have both clearly downsides: try to fight it - try to get in touch with such a girl.

 

You're not alone. I tend to stare at guys a lot, especially guys in their twenties who have bulging muscles. It fills me with sadness as well. Reminds me of my loneliness and longing.
But you're not alone, trust me. I regret the years went by as well, like my puberty and early twenties were wasted on all the wrong things and that my youth is a waste in itself.

 

I relate to the OP, I too am 32, terrified of "life".... I also see the teen girls and regret what I missed, I FEEL like a vampire when I see these 16-19 year old kids so full of life and I guess what we both feel is regret that we NEVER got to experience that.

But fear not man... 32 is still young, we can still achieve so much outta life

 

actually even if you have had experiences (like ie with teens) its never enough. So it is with our desires. Its a hole without a bottom. because you can easily miss as well what you did experience - not only what you didnt. our desire always sets a trap for us.