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Is this a Bipolar Disorder?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by throwz, Jun 19, 2018.

  1. throwz

    throwz Fapstronaut

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    I must ask you because I don't really know if that's what it is. I "fluctuate" between manic, stable and depressive mood very quickly, indeed too fast as it is officially seen in Bipolar Disorders (it changes within days or even hours in my case).

    I had been e.g. in a manic mood for the last days, really being hyperactive and impulsive. I felt and feel some sort of "happiness" out of it, but it's more of like feeling the rush of adrenaline you get due to being in this state. So, in the end, despite I kind of enjoy life again, I secretly feel empty on the inside. It's like I am subconsciously using my manic mood to "fill that hole" inside me, like people using drugs for similar reasons.

    I am generally a very bad sleeper. I can't have a deep sleep, I tried some things like melatonin or sleeping meditation but literally nothing works. So I feel tired every day, I wake up feeling shitty and worse than I did before going to sleep. You need to know that i am a completely different person when I wake up and when I am about to go to sleep. Today I woke up depressed, and then out of a sudden I became manic

    Back again to my poor sleep: Despite I actually feel the fatigue (this sort of headache and hurting/dry eyes), I still remain manic. I really feel like I could do anything, like I am the king of the world, despite feeling actually fatigue and very exhausted. When I come into a depressive state, I feel desperate, don't wanna do anything, it's more of like getting a "psychosis", obviously not hallucinating but I just feel strange and different, like having a derealization and depersonalization. It's just a very confused state, I feel every emotion at one time.

    So, i don't know from where it comes from, I only know that when I do NoFap I immediately go into this psychosis/"depressive" state (I just call it depressive because I mainly feel unmotivated and emotionally confused).

    What is it, a Bipolar Disorder? Then why does it fluctuate so quickly? And what can I do against it - without seeing a doctor/therapist and getting meds? Anyone has experienced something similar? Could it just be a long-term result of my poor sleep?
     
  2. throwz

    throwz Fapstronaut

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    Right now I am in a depressive state after some time again.

    Many thoughts are appearing in my head. Thinking about the past and being afraid of the future at one time, still feeling this emotional confusion. You have nothing inside you, everything is dull and sucks.

    It's this emotional confusion I hate most. It feels like you have to balance yourself on a small desk and trying not to fall down. You feel like "in between" everything, you are with one foot in the past and thinking about old shows for kids you used to watch and the way you played as a kid, then you are with the other foot in the future being afraid that you will fuck up your life, then you only want to connect with each other and love everyone, then you want to "man up" and be normal. Those expressions and emotions are appearing at once! And this is so overwhelming to me that I start to suffer from some sort of derealization/depersonalization.

    You just don't have any kind of balance in life, it's like a near psychosis
     
  3. I dont know. Juat get some good exercise and meditation, a lot of it. Also fix the sleep and eating non-foods like cookies and mcdonalds fries.
     
    Buddhabro likes this.
  4. throwz

    throwz Fapstronaut

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    Meditation can only make me ignore my depression. It's more like "Yeah I recognize that I am having negative thoughts about my surroundings and so on" but nevertheless I still feel them. You know, although I can separate them from my mind and not to think about them ("Your thoughts are not you"), the problem would still be that those ignored thoughts would still have an emotional impact on me. And "separating emotions" (better said "ignoring my emotions") is literally impossible (to me at least, I see no way you can also ignore that and come into some sort of emotionless zen-state, what I also don't crave for...)

    So yeah, I tried meditation, but it has confused me even more. I rather feel that I must release some suppressed emotions, but I don't know which kind of emotions.
     
  5. Well you may need to see a doctor and get a check up and tell him whats going on, maybe medication can create the balance your looking for.
     
  6. throwz

    throwz Fapstronaut

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    Now out of a sudden I feel manic again

    It's sunset now where I live, its getting darker. I generally feel better and happier during night. I don't know why, the daytime remembers me of dying and shit (no joke). While the night time is all about living, partying and enjoying life.

    The only thing which bothers me is that I will get depressed again once the sun is up again...
     
  7. Amal

    Amal Fapstronaut

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    Visit a doctor, nobody on here can tell you if you're bipolar.
     
  8. Youre not supposed to ignore the thoughts but dissolve them. Replace subconsciouss with consciouss. Replace thought thinking with pure inteliggent awareness. Yourr barely scraped meditation. Try some form of concentration meditation and when thoughts clearly in your mind come just kind of put awareness on them so they dissolve. When no thoughts maintain concentration like state :). Its about absorption ultimately. Absorption is a bit like movement of the mental substance/liquid (metaphorically speaking). Its touchijg the root of "mind" in a way.
     
  9. Cold showers are suppose to be good against depression; I find they shake life into me and give me more mental clarity. I hope you find a way to manage it and improve your situation!
     
  10. KS1994

    KS1994 Fapstronaut

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    You may have Bipolar II disorder. (If you exhibit a hypomanic and a depressive episode in the same week).

    I'm not sure what country you are from but It would be best to make an appointment with a psychiatrist or GP. From there you can get access to a treatment plan. It wont go away on it's own volition. Also, poor sleep is a common side effect.
     

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