Why do you think you feel disgusted after you finish and quickly close it?

True stuff. It helps sometimes to look objectively at what masturbating to porn really is. Thanks for being here and sharing your thoughts dude!

 

This is an interesting observation. As I reflect on my long-term P addiction, I can see a correlation between the slow escalation in content and my increased feelings of shame and remorse in that post-PMO moment. In the early days, when I just looked at say beautiful solo models, all I felt was maybe a little regret that she wasn't actually my girlfriend.

But later, as the P got more hardcore (i.e. with actual sex happening), more degrading, more shocking, more deviant, etc. - I started feeling worse and worse about it later. It's like the imagined experiences got farther and farther away from my true self, and hence that bigger disconnect would cause true repulsion at what I'd just looked at.

 

I called it
"Wash my hand in shame"

 

The last time I did PMO was yesterday, and when I was laying down to bed, I felt so sickened by some of what I saw. I watched something particularly abusive, which I said I wouldn't! But once I was in that mode, I couldn't control it.

I definitely felt... A loss of interest in PM once I had the O. I don't think self-hate or toxic shame or any level of harshness are inherent feelings. I think that is learned in unhealthy culture.

I seem to have got today without PMO so far. At one point I had an urge to PM but went for a walk. I started a writing project that will be meaningful to me.

 

Dude, what you said is so true. To think that so many things in our lives nowadays are coming to light as bad for us. Everything is the opposite of what we are suppose to be. They flipped it on us.