Should I reset my counter? Can I be honest?

I am asking for help from the community on what to think about what I did.
I am 38 days with no PMO. Specifically that is not looking at porn and masturbating.

However on November 21st while at work early one morning I searched for topless and looked at some topless images and other things for a few minutes. I think this happened because a few days earlier I had accidentally seen some images on burning man site although that was not intentional.

I obviously did not masturbate and I don't know if it counts as a full on relapse because it was limited and I have not done it again.

I did do 2 things that I would consider a failure.
1. I did not come clean to the community with it at the time.
2. I did not tell my wife about it at the time and I had promised that I would include her in my recovery completely.

So is it reasonable to keep 2 counters now one reflecting the no PMO and one reflecting the fact that I looked at porn?

The bigger issue I have is not being honest with myself about it and not being honest with my wife. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to be completely open. This is a huge problem for me and the lying is destroying my marriage. My wife believes that I am just a liar and that is the way I will always be. Has anyone else had a history of lying and then overcome it?

At this point I am looking for any feedback I can get.

 

Well my goals right now are
1.No PMO period. I want to be completely free of thinking about porn or looking at it and masturbating.

2.Being completely open and honest with my wife about my recovery.

Is keeping 2 counters just a way of minimizing the "edging" ?
If that's true than it is a kind of lying to myself?

What do you think?

 

I thought about what you said and decided that if I am going to succeed I really have to hold myself to the highest standard.
I reset my counter.
I clearly still have issues about honesty. I am making that my highest priority.
Of everything that is what is poisoning my relationship with my wife more than anything. I clearly dropped the ball. But I am not going to use that as an excuse to undermine the progress I have made so far.

 

Yeah I definitely searched for porn so I reset my counter.
As far as having a second counter about lying I don't really think that's practical. I had gone for almost 30 days without looking for or searching for porn and so I could have had 30 days lying free then told a lie by omission which would reset the counter but I don't think they are really the same. The one lie is much more damaging than a slip of looking at porn for a few minutes.

For me to say out loud that I am a porn addict and that I failed is much more difficult.
I know my wife is tired of hearing this and it is a lame excuse but it's the truth I have a lot of shame around porn use and I am just terrified to admit it.

Having said that I am putting this in writing mainly for myself. The lying is the most poisonous thing for my relationship. I don't even know if it's possible to salvage it. I hope that it is. I think that having a true profound self change will be so obvious that is the only thing that will work.

I am also committed to learning from my mistake. I will never search for anything that is even remotely not safe for work ever again. I am forgiving myself for making that mistake. I will not make that mistake again.

Even though she can't hear it I want to sincerely apologize to my wife for letting her down this time and so many other times over the last six years. I feel true remorse over this and I hope that it's not too late. I know the only thing she is asking from me is honesty and I failed her in this. She does know what I did because she discovered it and I admitted it when confronted, but I really should have told her.