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The New Man's Next Step...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Lat, Dec 6, 2014.

  1. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    Okay, a brief intro about me. I started my first journal called 'journal of a new man' on 23 of July 2014.

    I have a unique life. Unique is one word for it. I've had social prominence (in my scene) and I've had notable business success. Being involved in the nightclub/entertainment industry was part of my journey.

    Changes in laws led to business failure and the complexities that came with this.

    Being involved in a high cash, nocturnal industry that is driven by music, alcohol, drugs and sex, well I got affected by that.

    That I was single, and had no kids or ex-wife, meant I wasn't beholding to anyone (on that level), so I sinned myself in this world.

    After a series of unfortunate events, I found myself more and more isolated, alone, and the PMO habit grew to a daily, (sometimes more than once a day) habit. On July 23rd this year, in my search to remedy myself, I found NoFap.

    So I began the 'journal of a new man'. I've managed to stop the daily habit. I've been able to go 20 days for about 4 or 5 rounds with NoFap. But I fail at around 20 days.

    I want to fix my life, and I think this is part of that process. So, here I am, I want to strengthen my will power, improve my self-confidence, make my life better - I want to reboot.

    I believe this will help me. So, here I am, taking the next step.
     
  2. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Awesome man, good choice. You truly have the power to make that choice powerful, to make it stick.
     
  3. Ghost.

    Ghost. Fapstronaut

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    All the power to you :)
     
  4. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    Ghost, Melancholy Weightlifter, thanks for support. I appreciate it.

    I get bouts of depression or anxiety and PMO is a form of relief. But not really, because it doesn't deal with the cause and any relief is very temporary or fake.

    A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and my weak link happens at around 20 days. I can't seem get past that.

    I find I go through a period where NoFap is fine, I can go a few weeks, then I have that weak moment and it's reset time. How do I get through that weak moment.

    I appreciate any support, and any advise I can get on this. Thanks Lat.
     
  5. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Of course it's going to be easy when you don't have urges, but they will come, sometimes unexpectedly. Do something drastic when it hits you. Leave the house IMMEDIATELY. Workout IMMEDIATELY. Post on NoFap IMMEDIATELY. Do anything to distract yourself IMMEDIATELY. Other then that, the only thing that gets you through is willpower, sometimes you just gotta white knuckle it.
     
  6. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    thanks MW, this interaction with others is so important. I want to break that 20 day cycle and I want to experience the reboot.

    building will power to be able to live life more deliberately, that is to be productive and benefit others as well as myself, is the only way I can see to coming closer to fulfillment. Even though this is about NoFap, it's about a lot more than that.

    To think, that overcoming myself, will help me get my life back on track, and to be more worthy. That by abstaining from short term temptations for long term goals (the definition of will power), is what builds a better character and makes a better person. I've learnt to look at it that way, and I think it's what we all want. Cheers MW.
     
  7. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Exactly man, couldn't have said it better myself.
     
  8. Be aware that the change does not come instantly, but there WILL come a change.
    Doing NoFap is like learning a language - in the beginning you stumble around, but after a while you become comfortable and you settle.

    I became serious with the NoFap quite once year ago, and now, one year later, I can see a notable progress. Right this moment, I feel really settled into an "abstinent" lifestyle -- for me, it is pure freedom --- freedom of choice. I feel balanced, settled, and free. I'm 42 and I finally feel like an adult by now ;-)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2014
  9. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    Thanks FF and MW, this support is something I have been missing out on, I've looked at this as personal habit that I have to personally deal with. But this is a problem a lot of us deal with alone and to overcome it talking to each other is critical.

    I know FF, it's been 6 months for me. Initially I struggled to go a week, then 2 weeks, then I found getting to 3 weeks wasn't that hard, but getting beyond 3 weeks is the challenge now. And I think I've got to bite the bullet and go for the reboot. That's why I changed to this forum and opened up a new journal.

    it's time to take the next step, and this is a step by step process. Definitely, a change is needed. For now, I've stopped sleeping in my bed and I'm sleeping in the lounge room on the floor.

    I'm sure I'll hit 20 days, as I have a number of times, but I want to break that barrier. Get myself to reboot. I'm starting to visit old friends again and looking at my values, and realizing I was lost in a hedonistic world, and that it's time to find purpose in life and not be ruled by my appetite. Just as weakness begets weakness, so too does strength beget strength. For this I strive.
     
  10. Yes that's good, it's important to go for real values, then the PMO fades away automatically.
    As every human being, you are born as an original,, and you are meant to develop your full individual potential. Don't let fears and doubts stop you.
     
  11. EndorphinRush

    EndorphinRush Fapstronaut

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    Is this 20 days some kind of magic number for a lot of us? Only reason I am asking is that I don't know if I've made it 20 days or not. Right now I am on day 12. Maybe this will give me some kind of a benchmark to make necessary preparedness so I don't have an issue around then. I hope to be on my way until March 1. Then setting another benchmark I guess. That seems to be a looming date for me because I am not clear about what happens next.

    Keep going. I think you can make it since you recognize your 'trouble' area. Get past it, then you may find it will become easier and easier to calm the storms when they come up.
     
  12. Well, we are no machines with some pre-programmed numbers, it depends on what you are experiencing in your daily life, so you should not expect that something "magic" happens on day 20.

    But I underwent a lof of "hard mode" abstinence periods during this year, and so far, I found these "magic numbers":

    3 days -- A kind of main entry barrier, where abstinence is like a "shock" and withdrawal symptoms are very hard. I very often relapsed during 3 days.

    7 days -- when I went over the first 3 days, then I always reached 7 days.

    7-16 days -- a period where it seems I must be aware, because I relapsed often in this period.

    10 days -- a point where I feel that things begin to settle and to feel comfortable

    16-35 days - I had only one period of 35 days. But for me, in this period, I settled and everything went on very cool, life was really a joy

    35 days -- At this point, you might already feel very settled and thus, you could lose your awareness and relapse out of a sudden. This happened to me in spring this year. It came over me like out of nowhere, and all the cycle began again.


    Going out of PMO to a new lifestyle is a PROCESS with ups and downs, like learning to play guitar or to learn Chinese. It is important that you keep committed. I'm committed to get out to a new lifestyle since one year, and today, I see a real change, in comparison to December 2013. So stay confident, there IS a light. Even from a series of failures, you will eventually learn and stand up.
     
  13. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    I find after at around 3 weeks, I'm more susceptible because I've abstained for that long, and at a weak point around then, I go back to it. But, most importantly, I have broken the daily habit.

    I used to think daily masturbation was healthy because it was a sign of virility to be able to get off everyday. When stressed I'd PMO because I thought the virility meant life wasn't beating me. But after going without it for a few weeks I've learnt differently.

    The problem is with abstinence comes increased virility, the penis is more sensitive and the hard on is much harder, so abstaining actually makes me more virile - and when I fail at 20 days, I become susceptible for a few days before starting NoFap again. And after I break the NoFap period, I lose confidence and energy - so getting past the 20 day mark is important because it becomes a matter of further strengthening my will power.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2014
  14. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    I over rationalize. Always wanting to understand and explain what's happening.

    There's all kinds of ways to excuse, rationalize, explain, theorize, justify and philosophize the PMO addiction. And if it helps then it's good.

    But sometimes getting caught up in process of thinking and explaining - looking for reasons, relapsing and rationalizing has, for me, become part of the PMO cycle.

    It's just about not wanking to porn to cumming. It's about not being a wanker.
     
  15. EndorphinRush

    EndorphinRush Fapstronaut

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    This has helped. I see a lot of people little by little getting longer and longer day ranges. I really don't want to falter - I want to make it the first time. What I need to see is if making it 90 days will just be the end and I fall back and fail. I don't want to. I want to know it will be a great step forward and that I can keep up the promise to myself to be a better man.

    I can completely see how it would come at you out of nowhere. Even in the 2 weeks I've had 'clean' I have had a few out of nowhere that were strong urges. I got up, walked out and found something else to do. I hope the urges get held in check easier and easier the longer I go.

    What would be your real changes over the last year?
     
  16. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    EndorphinRush, the step forward is in acknowledging the problem and whatever efforts you make to correct it.
    And to keep trying. In the NoFap forum, it's too easy to see masturbation as a bad thing, because the's what we all trying to overcome.

    But Masturbation is also a natural thing. It's when it becomes a self-gratifying habit that becomes a physical addiction due to the dopamine releases that it becomes a problem. There are good hormones the brain releases. These are dopamine, serotonin, endorphin, Phenylethamine and Ghrelin (google them and learn a bit about them). Also, adrenalin, (secreted by the medulla of the adrenal glands)

    They can be naturally secreted and a good balanced life is the best way to get the hits.

    Unfortunately, there are ways in which we can get them more artificially.

    Gamblers experience serotonin and dopamine when winning.
    MDMA pills release serotonin.
    Extreme sport junkies experience adrenalin hits.
    Orgasm releases dopamine.
    etc etc...

    this is part of the addiction.

    The real changes in my life over the last year have been dramatic. Brought about through a series of unfortunate events, making me look at who I am, what I am doing and bringing around change for the better.

    Understanding addiction is part of the way to conquer it, but sometimes, it's just a matter of being strict on yourself and just stopping it. That can't happen if you don't change, and a critical part of the change is replacing bad habits with good ones.

    Life can get very tangled and messed up. Usually, it's not just our faults. It's the fault of where we came from (sins of the father - meaning we carry luggage from our past and fore-bearers - the world was a messed up place before any of us got here - shit there's been world wars, civil wars, major economic collapses, tyrants, slavery, crime, cruelty and injustice since it began). Everyone single one of us, at some point in ancestry or just circumstances has been impacted by these. They leave scars through generations.

    Society carries the wounds through the individuals and their offspring. That's just how it is. Some real fucked up things have happened and are happening. So, we're born into this and being of flesh and temper we have the weakness of flesh and temper. Surrounded by others, they may and can and do impact on us as well.

    It can be as simple as the mental damage done by a kid at school by a bully, whose father hit his mother, whose grandfather was a violent alcoholic because of a war he served in or his father's father served in.

    The challenge, for me, and I think many people, is to look into themselves, and realize that things need correcting and doing it.

    The world is imperfect and it kind of needs to be imperfect to exist. After all a perfect world is like an unblemished mirror, nothing can sustain perfection, so imperfection is part of the deal.

    Facing and dealing with it is the challenge. That, for me, is how I become a better person.

    PMO isn't the real challenge for me, it's really something I'm correcting to be a better person. That's the challenge, to be a better person. I hope I made some sense. :)
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2014
  17. nopenotdoinit!

    nopenotdoinit! Fapstronaut

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    Hey Lat.
    I gotta say man, if you're still in that toxic environment, get out of it. I am sorry to hear about your business. It is best to be around people during your hardest times of reboot. So you must choose those people carefully. You want people to lift you up and agree with the things you are trying to do. So surround yourself with positive, loving people, not people who are the opposite of what you are trying to become.
    Also, go on youtube and type in the searchbar motivational videos. Spend a couple days watching as many as you can. Then find your favorite one or two and watch it one more time with a pen and paper. Write down everything that is important to you and that you agree with thats being said in the video. Keep that paper around you at all times. Put it in your wallet. Have it next to you when you sleep so its the first thing you see every day. Refer to it when times are hard and reaffirm to yourself that it is exactly what you want. I did that to the video below called dream and I'm so thankful I did.That really was the turning point in my reboot and I haven't looked back since.
    These are my two favorite videos and are an EXCELLENT place to start. I welcome everyone on this thread to watch at least one of them.
    DREAM- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-jwWYX7Jlo

    Eric Thomas- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTFnmsCnr6g
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2014
  18. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    thanks nopenotdoingit!, really appreciate your message.

    I'm out of the toxic environment I was in, but now there are matters I have decided to take to police to have people charged for things they did. It's not really something I want to do. I feel I have to do it, because letting them get away with it will stay with me forever. And letting people like that get away with things only reinforces to them their behavior.

    I'm no longer in the environment of those people. But I have to blame myself too, I got caught up in a hedonistic world. And I paid the price, financially and personally. But now I'm in a good environment and I'm getting better. Plus, the hard lessons I've learnt are constituting me into a better and stronger person that would have never happened without those hard lessons. So, it's a good thing.

    Thanks for the links, I'll watch them and you tube for me. Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and advise. Very much appreciated. Best regards, Lat.
     
  19. nopenotdoinit!

    nopenotdoinit! Fapstronaut

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    No problem man. This is a place to come for help. Its good you're reaching out. And yea man, those youtube videos will pump you up and their messages can really change your life if you decide to implement them. Best of luck with everything.
     
  20. Lat

    Lat Fapstronaut

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    Neuro-remedy? Neuro-correction?

    Why am I doing this? What is the reason and the objective?

    My understanding of the NoFap process reboot process.

    I fell into a bad daily habit (that's now been broken and I'm now focusing on breaking a cycle where I relapse for a couple of days after 20 days and then go NoFap again).

    Granted, regular or too frequent masturbation and particularly the addiction of PMO is a bad life cycle to fall into.

    Falling into this cycle is seeking relief but not addressing the real problems. Also, part of the addiction involves dopamine releases and certain neuro-path tendencies that the brain falls into through the habitual action.

    This what is meant by rewiring. And the ultimate way to do it is go the 90 day marathon and while doing that change what you do, get involved in good mental and physical activities and exercises, eat well, sleep well, associate with new people, fast and let a little hunger do it's job, build positive relationships.

    That change in activity and the subsequent effects on the brain are what this is all about.

    So, breaking the bad habit, addressing the problem and ultimately, correcting the physical and psychological addiction results in curing the brain's addiction. That means going changing how the bad habits have set the brain's neuro-paths. That involves the neuro-plasticity and neuro-genesis.

    But I don't know of many people that can just get up for the first time and run a marathon. Especially if they've been doing a lot of sprints (so to speak). So, I'm thinking, if I've broken the daily habit and now seem to be dealing with going beyond 20 days - then at the very least, hitting 30 days is good target. I'm doing this hardstyle (no sex whatsoever). And if I can get this to a process where I can run a good middle distance, then I can build to longer distances from there.

    Just by extending the abstinence period and doing all the good things to help replace bad habits with good habits and change how I act and think then that should help the rewire the brain - and I'm rebooting that way.

    Day 5 and 25 days here I go, or here I come....
     

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