What's the point?

Hi.

Look, you are going to tear yourself apart with all that guilt. Guilt makes people more likely to turn to their addictions.

Focus on the positives. First, you want to change, which is awesome.

You need to learn a little more about how self-control really works, what makes it easier, what makes it harder.

I highly recommend the following book "Willpower Instinct". It will give you some new insights.


http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters-ebook/dp/B005ERIRZE

You will find in the book that the moral guilt that you are placing on yourself is in fact a recipe for failure.


Some tips that might help:

1. Start meditating. twice per day. The goal is to get better at watching the patterns of your mind so you can see an urge coming a mile away.

2. Then you practice your response to a rising urge. It is mental training. Learn to squash an impulse as soon as it starts, including mental fantasizing. As soon as mental porn enters your mind, spot it ... and squash it.

Keep practicing that. Fantasizing is the 1st step on the path to relapse. It is much easier to avoid relapse when you don't stimulate your reward center with mental porn. Fantasizing stimulates dopamine .... so your limbic system wants more, which pushes you towards PMO.

This is also a great book.
http://www.amazon.com/Switch-change-things-when-hard-ebook/dp/B005FY5YRU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418002061&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+change+when+change+is+hard

I believe in God, but I believe in free will.

The change you want has to come from you. Don't expect Him to do the heavy lifting for you

I am sure He is glad you want to change. But he is expecting YOU to learn how to do it.

Good luck ! And remember ... you are a great person for even wanting to improve Hang in there.

 

Okay firstly, sorry to hear of your relapse dude. Relapse sucks. But let's move forward from that.

What's the point? I can't tell you what the point is for you, because only YOU can answer that. But I can tell you what the point is for me. I wouldn't be living the expression of myself I'm living today if it wasn't for nofap, and trying to abstain from porn and masturbation (among other things). What's the point for me? To become the ultimate version of myself. I'm not there yet, and it's not easy for me. But I know I'll never be truly content with life if I don't take it upon myself to become the ultimate me. I know I'd never be content with my life if I started watching porn or masturbating again.

For 95 days you've fought hard? Good! Good work man! But it doesn't end here. You're right. Even at the end of 95 days, you're still an addict and you'll still get urges. And it's up to you to battle those urges to protect what you're fighting for. Ninety days is not the end, it's a new beginning. The beginning of your porn free life, but that doesn't mean the battle's over.

Just don't bloody quit mate! "Pain is temporary! It may last an hour, a day, a week or even a year. But eventually it WILL subside, and something else will take it's place. If I quit however it will last forever."- Eric Thomas

You call it a "so called" reboot. I suspect that it will take you longer than 90 days to fully reboot. I've realised it's going to take me longer than 90 days. I'm aiming to get to 180 days, then I'll see where I'm at. As I see it, 3 months is little match for my 5 year old hardcore porn addiction.

I empathise with you for feeling upset. Your God will stand by you always, but it is up to you to return the favour. Stand by him, and support yourself for the sake of your very being. You say you will hold anyone's problems? Do me a huge favour, and just for now, just hold your own. Embrace the mistake, and move forward to ensure it can't happen again.

What's the point? Life man, LIFE! Get back up. Keep moving! Just don't quit, not when you've come so far already! "Just don't quit, and don't give in, and there'll be nothing you can't do. If it was easy, everyone would do it. But I know something about you. I know you're not a quitter, I know you're a survivor. You're a survivor because you're watching me right here. You're a survivor. Go and look in the mirror and tell yourself 'I am a survivor'. So I want you to go and make the rest of your life the best of your life. I can I will I must. I can I will I must. I CAN I WILL I MUST!"- Eric Thomas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3MxMfzWfbE

All the best man. Regards
NoBrainer

 

Maybe go out for a run or a workout, shower, shave, iron a shirt, and have a coffee. And then try again.

It ain't the falling over that matters. It's the getting up, dusting yourself off and trying again.

I can't even imagine 95 days. That's pretty amazing.

 

I appreciate your raw honesty, Low Light. I have relapsed in the past and it's a time for letting out a lot of powerful feelings.

A friend told me that recovery from lust is like walking down a path. If you fall, you do not start at the beginning of the path. A long distance has been covered and one still has all that distance. Or another image, each sober day is like a coin. If one gets 95 of those coins, they're not all taken away by a slip. One still has the 95 coins.

A long sober period shows that freedom is possible and can be an encouragement later on that there is that possibility.

 

I think it might be a good thing to ask yourself what were the 95 days like? Also feel pride for succeeding on a long streak! it might be best to start again after just a fap session. It was just a small bump on the road. You already doing a good job and it's up to you to keep it up if you want to! Think about all the time you saved!!

 

The point is to truly live like a lot of the others said before. 95 days is nothing to laugh at, thats some serious determination you have. I've been reading your journal lately and I think your awesome! You'll never let us down because like how you believed in us, we believe in you. The journey is long and the battle is hard, but if you get back up and give it your all, you'll be able to blow past 95 days in no time.
Keep your head up.
Au revoir,
Ace

 

Remember me? I was on 87 day streak until last week i relapsed. I took it like a man went forward with it.

Just dont overthink it.

 

We're all in this together. I reset this weekend thoughtlessly. There wasn't even a fight. It wasn't even a full day since I wrote on a blog about being inspired by my success in making choices...

I ended up PMOing 3 times before I got back on the horse. I was hesitant to come and reset my counter, but if I can admit it to my wife I can admit it to strangers who are in the same fight.


I raised my goal so I can't just meet it and relapse as easily, first 7 days, now 10. Baby steps in a big boy battle..