My 90 day success story

Three days ago, I passed my original goal line of 90 days since I started using this forum. I am 25 years old, and this is the longest I have gone without watching porn since I was fifteen years old. I've been a porn addict for over a decade, and I'm finally making a difference in my life. Lots of people on this forum have testified about miracles or about gaining superpowers, muscle growth, and even about becoming more attractive to women as a result of completing a 90 day reboot. I haven't experienced any of that stuff. Instead, I've experienced three things that are much more important than any of that: better sexual health, inner peace, and freedom. I'll explain each of these in detail:

1. Better sexual health - Before committing to a porn-free life, my sexual experiences were mostly pornographic. I had sexual partners between the time when I was fifteen and where I am now, but these past three months have been the first period of my life in which I've had more sexual experiences with a real partner than by myself. Overall, it just feels right. Sex with a real person is so much better than any pornographic experience could ever hope to be, and I'm so lucky that I've given myself the opportunity to have healthier sexual experiences. Sex with a real person is a deep bond between two people, a sharing of experiences. I always knew this deep down inside, but chronic porn usage made me lose sight of it. Things feel much more clear now, and I am now more confident than ever before that I want to live a life free of porn.
2. Inner peace - A life of porn usage is a life of guilt. I was very ashamed of my porn usage. I would always use it in secret, I've used it at times that I'm really ashamed of, and it's even made me miss out on other more important things in my life. I love women, and I respect women as human beings that have so much to offer to the world, but pornography portrays them as nothing more than sexual bodies. Porn is misogynistic, and it doesn't accurately represent what sex is really all about. What I mean to say overall is that porn is not aligned with my moral standards. I feel like I am a better person when I don't watch porn. I feel like I have nothing to hide, I make better use of my time, and I don't miss out on as much of what life has to offer. I have so much respect for women, and now I feel as though my actions are actually in sync with that respect.
3. Freedom - Perhaps the greatest gain of all, freedom is an amazing benefit I've seen after deciding to go porn-free. Porn is like slavery. It never satisfies you. It just keeps you coming back for more. There were so many nights throughout my life where I just wanted to go to sleep, but I couldn't because I felt as though I needed to watch porn. What I've been able to do after 90 days is separate that "need" from myself. It's still there, but it isn't mine. It belongs to my addiction. I've tried to give my addiction a personality. I think of my addiction as a goblin with a whip. He's a slave-driver, and I've realized that the "need" to watch porn is coming from him, not from me. I don't want to watch porn, I just want to be free. When I watch porn, I feed his desires, which makes him stronger, and gives him more control over my actions, my feelings, and my sense of self. I enjoy living a life without porn, and he's the one who's throwing a temper tantrum when I don't give him what he wants. I've learned to make friends with this evil little goblin, and his cries don't really bother me anymore, even though I know he's still there. He's probably always going to be there, and there might be times where his cries and screams are louder than others. I've learned how to live with him, like he's a bad roommate or something. I just feel like I have more control.

So, I've reached 90 days: now what?
I think this is a really important question, because a 90 day reboot is really just the beginning. I've given myself the opportunity to answer more questions about my sexuality, and I've given myself the peace of mind and the good conscience to ask those questions. I've quit watching porn for 90 days, but I'm still not sure about whether or not I want masturbation to be a part of my life. I'm going to continue to live a life free of porn, and I'm going to go 90 days without masturbating (I'm already 18 days in so far). I hope that the 90 masturbation-free days will give me some insight on what masturbation means to me, and whether or not it's something I want in my life. Wish me luck, fapstronauts! I hope my story has helped you in some way.

Good luck,
Ridley

 

If you take anything away from the goblin analogy, I would say the most important thing is to understand that you are not your addiction. You are something so much more than that, and your addiction is something you experience. It's important to see it as something separate from yourself so that you can learn how to identify it. It will help you greatly in your recovery if you can learn to distinguish between your own inner voice and the voice of your addiction.

 

Of course! Yes, I've been free from porn for 117 days and I haven't masturbated in 42 days. I wouldn't say that I've gone through any major changes. However, I think I've gained a little more perspective

• Porn isn't a burden for me anymore. I truly feel free from it now more than I ever have before. I've completely abandoned any idea of ever going back to porn. I just don't consider it an option any longer. I know that if I ever find myself watching porn again then there must be something seriously wrong. Of course, I felt this way before reaching the 90 day mark. However, I'm now at a point where I don't even think about porn that often anymore, which just solidifies the idea that I don't really need it and I don't ever need to go back to it.
• I've realized how important it was for me to do a second reboot without porn and without masturbation. This is a big change in perspective for me. As I said, I'm 42 days without masturbation today, and I'm so glad I've given myself the opportunity to do this. I can't wait to reach the 90-day mark with that as well (almost halfway there!). When I started my reboot from porn, I didn't think I would be able to go through the whole 90 days without masturbating. So, I decided I would allow myself to masturbate during my first 90 days without porn. I didn't do it very often during my reboot, but when I did, I felt horrible. Masturbation would always be followed by intense feelings of guilt, shame, and hopelessness. It was very confusing for me. Now that I'm 42 days in without masturbation, I think I understand why I felt that way. There were two reasons. The first reason is that I almost never watched porn without masturbating. The two had come practically synonymous in my mind, and whenever I masturbated (even without porn) I think I was carrying all the associated guilt and shame of watching porn with me. I don't know if masturbation will always be that way for me, or if it's just going to take some time to rewire my brain, but I'm glad I understand that feeling now. The second reason deserves its' own bullet point on this list...
• I was confusing cravings for sexual stimulation with genuine horniness. This is such an important thing to understand as a porn addict. You have to realize that sexual stimulation and feeling horny are not the same thing at all. As porn addicts, we are fiends for sexual stimulation. Sexual stimulation is the feeling you get when you are erect, alert, and prepared to have an orgasm. When you are sexually stimulated, your brain is exposed to higher levels of dopamine, which may be a major factor in the addictive properties of porn. A craving to feel sexually stimulated is essentially a craving for a chemical reward in your brain. It's not something you can ever satisfy, and it's not something worth pursuing in my opinion. On the other hand, genuine horniness is a feeling you get when you care about someone so much that you want to open yourself up to them and be physically intimate with them. Genuine horniness is a biological and psychological phenomena. It's based in a desire to feel connected to someone else and the desire to share your most intimate moments with that person. When I was in the depths of my addiction, I would always tell myself that sometimes masturbation is an appropriate way of dealing with horniness. However, I've realized that this is just not true. Masturbation isn't about horniness at all. It's not about feeling connected to someone else. It's not about being intimate and vulnerable. Masturbation is about sexual stimulation and orgasm. If you are a Fapstronaut and you are wondering whether or not you should masturbate during your reboot, all I can say is: give yourself the gift of three months free without masturbation. You'll thank me later.

That's all I can think of right now. I hope that helps you in your own recovery! Good luck!

 

I don't think this thread is the right place to discuss that question. Try opening your own thread on one of the other sub-forums.

Short answer: why would you want to get rid of wet dreams? They are a completely healthy and normal part of human sexuality, in my opinion.

 

I don't remember all the specific details of our debates surrounding masturbation, but I should be clear that I still don't think masturbation is inherently unhealthy. It's just complicated for me personally (and probably for most men on this forum) because I'm a porn addict, which is why I now know I need to stay away. Who knows? Maybe I'll realize I never want to masturbate again. I'm not thinking that far ahead, though. For right now, I'm just taking things one day at a time, and I'm glad I made the decision to do a 90 day reboot without M.