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Porn and therapies

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Jul 16, 2018.

  1. i was thinking a lot about if there is not the possibility thatdesires and trauma in general are very much related. What you like in sex is what one carries in him/herself.
    I mean for example I was abused and there is a correlation between these degrading deep experiences and the choice I now often take in partners becaus something in me smells that these partners are like that. And I end up with a lot of very dominant guys...I don’t like it and I still choose it unconscious. And then I also like it. But I think what I like is actually the trauma that somehow wants to be healed?

    I noticed also that if I live things that were a kick aren’t anymore and I drop the underlying pattern.

    So maybe the same applies for many fetisches or desires. Just a thought. Maybe I am too much. But I have these kind of thought. Too much?
     
    A leaf and u376 like this.
  2. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Yes desires and trauma are somehow related
    Actually pmo is a sedative....... Whenever we are surrounded by confusion or negative thoughts then it's quite normal for us to either smoke, drink or pmo
    As I am a non smoker and teetotaler ....porn was only option for me ......and I observed that after every pmo session my condition is getting worse
    I don't know what I like in sex.....but my fetishes started from normal vanilla to abusive scenes....
    For you it was abuse
    For me it was helplessness, bullying, study pressure, social anxiety....and loneliness
    You will only like it for a short term
    After that you will feel worse than before
    No this is not too much
    I have seen many like you on this forum
    But only way out is to understand this is not good for you
    That's all
     
    Bhara likes this.
  3. Thank you! I mean I like for example being dominated and things done to me. But then I noticed this goes away and I like less. So I think the pattern heals
     
  4. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Liking dominantion is a different thing
    But going through abuse is not good.....
    So don't risk yourself
     
    Bhara likes this.
  5. I think the one led to the other
     
  6. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Yes it can be
    But if your partner is very abusive in general
    Then what would you do
     
    Bhara likes this.
  7. I tend to attract abusive guys. So nothing then. Once it starts it’s rolling. I experience this a lot
     
  8. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Do you really like that kind of behavior
    .....may be you have an attraction towards "bad boys"
     
    Bhara likes this.
  9. I do. And yes I have. But I don’t like it same time. That’s why I say this must be a pattern
     
  10. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    That's the main point
    Then you are naturally wired towards these bad boys
    Problem solved
     
  11. Not naturally. Because of trauma. That’s my point
     
  12. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    You seems to be confused
    Ok.....so if it's because of trauma
    Then it's not good
    I think you should do nofap for 90 days
    And answer only if you are comfortable
    "Has any of your boyfriend hit you"
    If yes then it's not good to be with a person like this
     
    Bhara likes this.
  13. Yo
    you don’t understand what I express. I am not confused. Yes guys sometimes hit ne
     
  14. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    I am understanding now
    Your question was that is this abuse related fetish or fantasy
    Then yes. .. it is somehow related to past experiences
    And it is very wrong of someone to hit us without any reason
     
    Bhara likes this.
  15. Phoenix234

    Phoenix234 Fapstronaut

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    Very valid point! I am sure that misuse or rape manifests in patterns that show in sex behaviors and desires fetishes. Same with other underlying patterns. I for example had domination desires until in living it I realized that I like it so much as there is a insecurity from college years towards girls. It’s a hurt inside and that’s why I liked it. I realized and outlived it and changed it. I still like domination but in a different caring beautiful way. The play with the boundaries and exploring and finding them is a terrific feel. I am highly concerned about my partner when I do this and want to truly work inside her limitations. Not what I want. This is sensitive requires trust and care and attention to the matter and very beautiful very deep moments co,e out of this. You don’t find these in just sex. Of course it can be beautiful and enriching. But this part I don’t want to miss anymore!
     

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