21 yo, PIED, 2 months on NoFap, Cuckold, Gay thoughts, HOCD etc

I had wet dream today, no erection. in dream I was browsing porn pics, but it wasn’t as vivid and I couldn’t really say what was going on in them, I was really scared in the dream that I relapsed and am browsing porn again, orgasm happened almost immediately, and was really powerful. I heard that healthy non masturbating guys have wet dreams every 2 weeks, and I think I am slowly heading there. Next step is not dreaming about porn, and having actual erection. After wet dream, I think I had strong erection in the morning.

 

Here is my plan for recovery. This is not the plan I will 100% follow, because life is life and there are some unexpected situations, but this is what I am aiming to do:
1) I will abstain from porn, masturbation and any sexual behavior until 2019. I am still not fully recovered, still no morning woods, still some fetish sexual desires are sometimes sneaking in my mind and me getting aroused by that, so I need more time to fully remove them.
2) In January 2019 I am going to hire a female prostitute to try to rewire. Why prostitute? Because if I fail nobody will get hurt, I will have much less pressure to perform, because I paid etc etc. If I don't get it up, I will wait another 2 weeks and try again. If it works, I will sleep with prostitutes 3-4 more times.

Now, if this plan doesn't work for some reason, here are possible solutions:
1) Abstaining from porn and everything and just living my life as asexual in hopes that one day I will wake up and everything will be ok.
2) Edging and masturbating to videos or photos of naked women. Might not be the best solution, approved by people on this forum, but it may rewire my brain to at least associating nakedwomen=pleasure. When I was in softmode and trying to masturbate only to naked women at first it was hard getting erection, but with time it improved dramatically and I didn't have any fetish desires.

That's the plan. Now, I just have to wait for another 7 months and see. Maybe I will see that I am not yet ready for real sex in 7 months and move that date for a couple of months, but that's it. If everything fails, I don't know what I will do, there are practically 2 ways of me leaving fulfilled life - bringing fetishes to real world (which I know, I will constantly have feelings of regret) and the second way is just leaving life of asexual, focusing on everything else, which I think is much better and healthier solution in my case and still gives you hope that one day everything will be ok.

 

My testosterone levels are actually high, I did full body test and everything is perfect. I am working out every day, I have great body with muscles, I am eating clean and everything is in check. People here assume, that if 90 days don't work, then you have some health issues, which is not true at all. It just means you haven't abstained long enough.

I didn't have any erection problems, until I escalated to sissy gay porn, which was actually the effect of having high testosterone and libido levels in the first place. I was masturbating every day a couple of times, and because I wanted new dopamine hit I escalated to those genres. Now, I can still get hard dick, fantasizing about sissy, gay, or cuckold or any other shocking materials that I escalated to and wired myself to. If I let that thought occupy my mind, I can't sleep, I am horny, it's hard for me abstain. But the thing is - I try to block those thoughts, that's why they never go away, and I haven't yet wired myself to real women to replace those connections. I am hoping that wiring will occur naturally, but if it doesn't I will wire myself with prostitutes, or maybe with sensual touch. This abstaining forever is just bs, I will just continue to be in a vicious cycle of thinking about my fetishes and not getting release.

 

I never got to the part of actually crossdressing, or hooking up with men, because in real life i find it disgusting, it was just a video and fantasizing thing. But if honestly speaking I think if I tried it in real life, I would actually get erection, because when you are in this perverted state of addiction, you have no control over what you actually feel. Disgust, shame and anxiety are becoming the driving force of your sexuality. I stopped watching those things also a year ago, the same time when I realized I can't get it up with women, if I didn't have that experience I'd never know. When I was in soft-mode trying to rewire to sensual touch and fantasizing about women, I was getting good erections. When I started nofap hard mode, my anxiety worsened and my brain was chaotically trying to bring back those memories, and I started having those urges again.

Here is the thing: I mentally block my gay and sissy urges, and that's why I have weak erections. I try to be strong and think about women, which brings me back to weak erection when I think about women, which brings me OCD that I have weak erection. I am in this constant loop of anxiety and gay urges. When I feel good, I don't have any of those urges. When I am around women, in the past I just had anxiety, because of small amount of experience and being introverted because of my past. Now, I have anxiety and I am basically rejecting women even when they are ready to be with me, just because I have anxiety that I could be embarrassed again with my non-working dick.

Thanks for the advice, I became rich 3 years ago and since then I can basically work from my apartments and do nothing, which resulted in me being shut down from the society for quite a long time. Last year I created small business with my friends, just to be able to occupy myself with something. I started going out a lot more, but I haven't been in other countries for 3 years now.
I took recreational and party drugs, but never researched into therapy sessions, thanks, I will look it up.

I am still attracted to women, it just became less sexual. I always appreciated femininity and nice body. They say men love with their eyes - it's definitely about me.

 

Ok, final updates to my story. The same day I posted my last post with my plans I fapped, cause urges were unbearable (especially gay, cuckold and other fetishes). I blocked my mind, opened a tab with nude girl and fapped. Erection was good and I came almost instantly and had very powerful orgasm. I masturbated to naked women pictures a couple more times after that, always had good erection, and thoughts about fetishes has decreased. 2 weeks before that I met a girl, she lived in different city. I met her a couple weeks later and I bedded her, but without sex, I just used my fingers to please her. I was semi-hard and then I was hard for some time, but I didn’t want to try sex that day. After we connected she moved to my city, and we slowly wired, I couldn’t have sex at first, I came from handjob, then I came from oral sex. Sometimes I was really hard, sometimes, I lost interest and became flaccid, sometimes I was semi-hard. Finally after couple of months I had successfull sex. I still struggle with hardness, I am not always 100% hard and I need manual stimulation. I also lose erection in some position. But the process is going great, and if I didn’t have sex for a couple of days, my erection is always better.

 

not always 100%, but I do get erection every morning especially since I started living with my girlfriend.

 

Also, when I am around her, I easily get aroused. I think it’s just a matter of time, when I develop full potency.