Making my computer secure

I decided to go without any blocking software as the change needs to come from me and not from some external source.

On the other hand being a computer professional with plenty of hardware at home there is no way I could lock them down so that I couldn't work around it. And I don't want / cannot throw out all the extra hard drives etc.

 

I agree. If you are engaging in "mental porn" ... it is still porn.

When I used to use filters, I just ended up looking at pictures of celebrities, or other arousing "non-porn" images.

I really think it is better to "practice" being close to triggers, but learning to catch urges as soon as they arise and squash them.

I have a pretty good streak going now, and am really not even coming close to relapsing.

I have decided to never ever even fantasize. My pre-frontal cortex is watching my limbic system non-stop! As soon as I start to fantasize for a couple of seconds, and say "STOP" to myself.

I am finding that by practicing stopping fantasies, it is making it an automatic response to ALL triggers. If I see a sexy image on Facebook, and also say "STOP"

I keep using this analogy ... but watching your limbic system is like learning to walk a bad dog. Good dog walkers are always on alert, and with enough practice, it is easy for them to sense when the dog is about to dart off, and they stop it before it happens.

But the dog walkers would never get good at it if they simply kept the dog chained up and never took it for a walk.

So that's why I gave up on filters. It is like locking up your dog, rather than practicing getting control of it. And you need to be around triggers .... in order to get good at not responding to them.

Essentially, you train your mind for a NEW response to triggers.

 

Agreed. I also stop myself when I start to fantasize or even objectify a woman. It happens a lot throughout the day, but it gets easier with practice (just like anything).

I still have K-9 installed anyway. I haven't searched for porn since installing it, but just having there serves as a reminder to me about what I'm trying to do.

 

Makes sense

 

Thanks for bringing this topic up, I've been messing around with k9 for a while and still not got close to when I first joined here and made proper consious decisions to stay away and control myself. The filter is very good but it does have its dodgy moments and thats when I'm weak as I come to rely on it, which makes me feel pretty crap. It does a good job but it takes a lot of tweeking to get the settings right. Unfortunately even stuff on facebook and youtube is too much for me when there is nothing else so I have to block them aswell which is quite restricting to general net use as a lot of video content from other sites link to youtube so you cant view them if its blocked. I hate that cus I really think its such a massive waste of time that site, can be almost as addictive.
Anyway the k9 doesnt seem to be working for me as a long term solution as its not installing any mental toughness, I was doing better mentally at fighting this without it at the start i think.

 

It's only been 3 weeks since I have been "practicing" watching for and stopping fantasies. And I am already getting better at it.

I can now see a sexy ad on Facebook and automatically I say "NO"

It is really making things much easier. Once you build a mental habit (good ones), it doesn't feel like so much of a fight.

Basically .... instead of your automatic response being to chase an urge, your automatic response with practice becomes to notice and stop an impending urge.

 

I have no 'stop' to when an urge comes on right now. Unfortunately there's a lot of very triggering and basically soft porn on facebook so I'm going to keep it blocked. Have just tweeked the k9 settings again and destroyed the password and email address which means you cant get a new one sent to another email address for 7 days. I'm going to stick with the filtering for now as its taken me a long time to get the settings to a good standard. I need to change my mentality with it though and not rely on it completely. When I first set it up it felt like a huge weight of my shoulders not having endless porn content at the click of a button. It means I can sit in front of a computer and forget about all that. But need to ave the right attitude that this is a permanent change and not just another temporary goal.
Everytime I go back to it its a setback mentally, to longterm growth and self pride.

 

I personally do not use any software to block sites, but I do use x3watch for accountability. It basically emails a weekly report to my accountability partner of all the questionable site I went to.

 

Blocking software is great for preventing accidental triggers, but ultimately you have to be your own firewall and filter. The problem wasn't in the faulty software, it was when you let your own firewall down and entertained the thoughts in your mind instead of replacing them with good ones. No amount of software can do that for you.

That being said, I have some preventative software and I also keep my computer in a "centralized" location to "keep myself honest". I know there will always be opportunities presented, but making sure my internal firewalls and filters are up help me in these situations.

Hey, 212 days without PMO is great! That is truly an amazing feat. Learn from what happened and move forward.

 

I think it's important not to have access to any possible stimulative content when you're in a vulnerable state. Saying that you need to just discipline and hold yourself back is all good, but when you are in the middle of an intense reboot is easier said then done.

 

Discipline is not really the best description. "Practice" is a better way to look at.

And you'll never get good at catching yourself if you don't practice. Noticing and stopping an urge is a skill..... an exercise in mindfulness and awareness.

If you try to "battle" your limbic system, you will lose in the long run. It takes too much energy. We don't need more willpower .... we need more awareness.

If you have a bad dog, and you want to learn how to walk him in public, you can't do that by locking him in a cage. You can only get good at it by practicing.

Same thing for learn how to "catch" a fantasy at it's inception .... you need to practice.

I tried filters for several years. They don't help in the long run. And he just just proved it.

As soon as his filter stopped working, he relapsed.

 

Well said feo1966. I like the analogy.