Masturbating because of fetish and why i know that nofap works

P. S. English is a foreign language for me

Hello. My name is Tomas and im from small country Lithuania. My story begins when i was maybe.. 7 ish. I know that my penis probably did not function properly at that time. I grew up in an environement where kids my age would tell things like "oooh i ejaculated, it feels great" and so on and they were "cool kids". I wanted to be just like them. As the time went by i got insecure because of all that untill one day i was laying in bed, and was thinking of (here begins the weird part so if you are not open minded, pls at least stop comenting bullshit) popping balloons. The thing is that at that age I was afraid of them popping, nothing super crazy when suddenly I got an exploding orgasm. Thaaaat was some crazy shit. I tried to do that once more, didnt work out soon enough, thought of popping balloons again and it worked. As the time went by i noticed that i get arroused and a fast beating heart when i inflate balloon and especially if i pop it. I started watching some weird videos on youtube. That eventually turned into me liking some girly stuff like cartoons. Soon after i noticed that i like women shoes as well. Ballet flats, then leggings and so on. I even bought some for myself. I know that this sounds cringy but continue reading, its not just my conession. So, i eventually got a fetish for balloons, some women shoes etc. I thought that im probably trans or something. The worst part was that i always knew that this is not normal. You see, i liked thinking of those shoes, the idea of puting them on, bursting a couple of balloons but at the same time i knew that this is wrong. On one side you get a bunch of dopamine and second later you feel like shit, a worthless peace of shit. And oulia, i got a light depression. Sooo my life was going as normal (normal for me..) untill one day i realised i got an infection on my peeeeenis... Nothing super serious but basically my foreskin was not flexible at all, i could not pull it back, even a slight cuddle with my gf (yeah, got one) would make it uncomfy, sometimes even with pain. It was like this for about 6 months when i finally decided to go to uro... Forgot the name of profession when someone checks your balls and penis.. he told me the name of that infection which i also forgot and told me that the only option is to get circumision. Which they did to me. Doc told me that i cant have sex for one month at least to not rip the stiches. I really do care about my health, especially my penis so.. I didnt masturbate for one month..

And how was it? Urges.. They were.. Cant even explain. I still liked popping balloons, got some, popped.. The urges were so intense that if somebody would look from a side they would think that im possesed or something. Cursing trough my teeth, bending over, holding hands behind me. Every time i had a boner i had to fight myself to not even touch my willy. I also thought that why the hell im interested into balloons and women shoes, this is bs, its not supposed to happen.

What happened after one month?
I remember when me, my gf and our friends went out to have some bbq and rented a small house in the middle of woods just so we could sleep over the night there. I started to cuddle with my gf and you know what? I got a raging boner that i have never got before, one time holding my gfs hand and thinking "wow she has a smooth skin" gave me a partial boner. Confidence? Trough the roof. Energy? A looooot. All these benefits you can see people talk in their videos on youtube happened to me. You know what else happened then? I did not get arroused by wearing a women shoe or playing with a balloons, so no fetish for me.. It felt like i had a purpose in life again.

So why im here? What happened?
Because i was circumised i was afraid that i wont be able to get a proper orgasm again, i started to masturbate again in various ways so i could know what is the best for me in case offff sex... And came back to old habits if you know what I mean. So i started to masturbate once a day, sometimes twice, wearing women shoes even though i did not get aroused because of them.. Fell back to slight depression untill one day I found out about this nofap thing and people talking about all these benefits. Those things that i have that gets fixed and because of my experience i know they get fixed by nofap challenge.

Final words
Nofap works, im here now to do it again and this time not fall back love my story or leave it be. I know that liking what i like is not normal in many ocasions so there is no need to make fun of it. We are all here because of the same reason: get rid of fap addiction and addiction to something that causes us to fap. To some its porn, to some its sonething else

Im Tomas and this is my story

 

Drac16, You want to know the funny part? I know this is harmless its a fact that something makes me aroused and me knowing that this is not normal,that what makes me fight inner me. So eventually it develops to a light depression, feeling that you are lonely, not normal, social anxiety and so on. So this is option A. Option B is that all of this is because of masturbation. When i was "clean" after that operation, i had no interest in all of that so maybe this will be "fixed" as the time and nofap goes..