How to well identify the triggers ?

Penag · Dec 16, 2014

Hi everybody,

I have been trying so many time to stop porn (I remember that 9 years ago I was already thinking to stop). I discovered YBOP 2,5 years ago and still can't make it. I had only one girl friend when I was 21.
Often I no PMO until 7-10 days. After I relapse I'm very cautious but after a week it's like if my brain tells me I'm under control (but I'm not)

I believe I have difficulties to work on my triggers and mainly to identify them. I know the means (smartphone, laptop, alcohol)...but I can't explain why I'm stressed or I feel alone because I think I have a descent life, many interests and everything to be happy unless I don't have a girlfriend.

I think I should be careful at :
- Being alone in front of the computer while tired, stressed or when I feel alone
- Smartphone turned on near the bed
- Dopamine pressure when drunk

Please help me.

Aviary · Dec 16, 2014

I completely identify with those triggers. I think that having a computer/smartphone free period starting an hour or two prior to bedtime has helped me in the past. And definitely not sleeping by the iphone. Of course, this is harder to do than it seems. I have made every excuse possible to keep putting it right by my head.

I also totally get the lonliness thing. Its what started all this for me and keeps me locked in everynight. But it has only made me feel worse time and time again. What a tricky poison it is!

Thanks for the honesty labello! You are not alone!

KrmGrn · Dec 16, 2014

Yeah, we all have triggers. A couple things you could do:

Only use your computer outside of your bedroom.
Leave your bedroom door open at all times (i do this)
Keep your smartphone outside your bedroom or at least far away from the bed
Never look at your computer or smartphone when you're in bed (try a book instead)
Cut back on your drinking

Just some ideas. Good luck!

Penag · Dec 16, 2014

Thank for your responses and good luck to the two of you !
It confirms what I was thinking but I feel that those are more like means than triggers.

I would like to go further with understanding why do I feel alone, why am I stressed, why am I anxious so that I can anticipate and further work to avoid falling in porn. In my mind If I can work on those I'm sure I can quit as P and PMO are the end results

Triggers I have to identified --- leads to --> Stress, Anxiety, Loneliness --- which are reduced by means ---> Laptop/alcohol/smartphone --- and it results in ---> PMO

Sifter · Dec 16, 2014

It's very personal

Everyone has different triggers.
Me personally my main trigger is when I'm doing something social like studying with other people and things don't go the way I wanted them to play out, Then I get stressed and a little distracted, so I keep being more and more introverted.
So then I get home feeling this way and the only comfort used to be PMO on my computer.
What I did is sell my computer 14 days ago and I only have my smartphone now, which is protected agaisnt PMO.
I recommend you to be an observer to your mind, the trigger will be clear to you when you feel it. And you already know what to do to get rid of them, and if you don't we are here, you've got resources.

Penag · Dec 17, 2014

Thank you your comment.
So I'll be more careful and put more attention to what is happening in my mind and what are my feelings when I am in social/personal situations. so that if i feel uncomfortable I can meditate,take a deep breath, clear my mind focusing on another topic... and relax before I reach the point where I'm too stressed.

Which app do you use on the phone ? I'm on Android and use opendns. I also use url filter on fitefox mobile to block porn and force safe search in google. It works well but are easy to uninstall. I tried qustudio or norton but it didn't work well on mine.

Poblano · Dec 17, 2014

I was watching a podcast on emotional integration and the presenter suggested some questions to ask yourself when you are having a feeling like loneliness or stress.
1.Describe to yourself exactly how does the feeling feel in your body. Examples might be tightness in the throat maybe a feeling in your chest or stomach or shoulders, neck or head.

Then ask yourself and try to answer these questions.
When was the last time I had this feeling?
When was the first time I had this feeling?
Is there anything this feeling is trying to tell me.

Usually there is some memory in your past that is so subconscious now that you are no longer aware of it.
If you can identify that and resolve it that can help reduce the stress lonliness or anxiety that is triggering you.

Those are some things that I have done that helped me perhaps they can help you too.

Penag · Dec 17, 2014

Do you still have the link to the podcast ?

I have been thinking and came out with those two triggers :

1 : I'm often scared of what people and my friends (even the closest ones) will think of me if I do or say something different. I'm often scared that they will reject me.

2: I'm also uncomfortable in places where there are too many people which are supposed to do the same thing. Big parties for instance or vacations/visits with a huge group of people. It's not that I'm not sociable. I prefer smaller groups where each person can express what he wants. In the case of big groups, I often feel that I'm trapped without any way to escape (probably because of trigger n°1).

Penag · Dec 18, 2014

Would you have recommendation on what to work ?

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