Porn is my best friend. I need to make new friends.

Your story is my story... my wife of 13 years left me 122 days ago. Unfortunately it took me a further 100 days to realise (or admit to myself) that porn was the cause.
Good luck to us both I say!

 

Yes, it is so dammed difficult to tell your best friend go away. My addiction has a history of 20 years as well, doing the permanent self deception Its ok, other guys spend more time on PMO and so on.

Loosing your partner must be really tough. you have my sympathy and you know, you are not alone.

I'd probably try to live in a completely different environment for some time. I noticed that during vacations when I don't have access to the computer I don't have any urge for PMO. And if you can't move just redesigning the place where you live might make a difference because our visual memory seems to linked with our addiction.

 

I am very touched after reading your story. Though, I can't fathom the amount of pain that you are going through, but trust me, I can feel you.

The so called, your "best friend", has destroyed many lives. It slowly takes over us like an evil monster, and detaches us from our true innocent selves. We don't want its "help", but still we are forced to submit before this evil power, even when deep down, we don't want to. We feel helpless, and in a way, willingly become our own biggest "enemy".

I don't want to comment on your wife, and judge her, because frankly speaking, I don't know what she has gone through. And, i know, it must be hurting you a lot after she broke your trust. As a partner, we expect our loved ones to understand us, support us during difficult times.

But, you know what, I see this unfortunate moment also as a blessing in disguise. People hate pain, but the truth is, pain has immense power in it. It all depends how you see it.
Same painful situation can make someone "strongly mental" or "mentally strong". It all depends on us.

What your wife did, accept that you don't have any control over it. And, you can't hold her, no matter how much you try. So let go of it. Forgive her and move on. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to do it. Let her do what she wants to do with her life. You are different, and you are solely and alone responsible for your own happiness. Take that responsibility. Anyone who walks away from you, was never yours in the first place. And God, doesn't want them anymore in your life, and trust in almighty, that he will bring the right persons in your life in future, provided you honestly surrender before the God.

Pray to God. Surrender yourself before him. Confess your weakness and mistakes before the almighty. Cry if you want to, and ask for his forgiveness. There is great power in prayer. We are children of God, and he knows everything. And, he will forgive us, when we truly ask for forgiveness. The strength that we need, will also come from him. You will find peace and solace. You won't be alone any more. You will find an eternal innocent joy within your heart.

Time has great healing power. Be patient, and continue making new " good friends" to help you out. I am sure with time, you will find the strength to come out of this difficult period, and guess what, you will turn into a far stronger person than you ever have been. You will find your peace and everything will be fine once again. Trust me.
My best wishes.