Is this what men think?

I suspect that the men on this forum agree with it because it excuses their horrible behaviour against their spouses.

 

First meeting I ever went to many years ago, there was this other new guy and he was really insistent that it was his right as a man to fool around because of that kind of argument. I told him "that's fine if you want to believe that. But why then did you get married? If you want to behave that way, then why don't you get divorced so you can go do whatever you want to without hurting anyone?" I forget his response because it was stupid and I never saw him again.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

Yes I think it could sometimes be use as an excuse for that, but what about single guys like me that agree with that?

 

IMHO, if you're single, believe what you want to and behave accordingly. I thing @Sadgirl and I were more talking about hyprocrisy and I hope this thread does not devolve into any sort of "men are pigs" style thread. If so, I know I will un-follow.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

Men from this forum, apart from me and @TheManDude, haven't commented yet about the video. I think it's unfair to judge them about something that they could have said. Consequently, we don't know how they behave to their SOs. I like looking at beautiful girls, but I don't do it in a disrespectful manner. When I was with my gf, I didn't do it at all, this is common sense. It depends on every person's perspective about the issue. The rule is that the guys look at other women and their SOs get pissed off. The exception is that there are men who don't look at other women and there are women that don't care if their bf does it. Of course we follow the rule and not the exception. Personally, I am an exception...

 

Yes, I understand and that's why I agreed that a married man may use that for an excuse... I never felt hostility and any previous reply but I did saw a unfair generalization.

Anyway I don't think that seeing a woman and thinking she's pretty or something is bad... looking at them and not controlling the impulse, that's not so good.

 

I don't think men are pigs at all. I love men! I just think that video is super simplistic and perpetuates stereotypes and that sex addicts could use tge assinine info in that video to justify their oogling, cheating, and porn use.

 

Yeah, attraction is a good thing. I wouldn't be married to my wife if I weren't attracted to her. Some force had to draw me to her before I got to know her. I'm happy to say I get more and more attracted to her as we are together and as I continue to gain in recovery.

Honestly, one of my modifications to the classic "three second rule" when I see someone attractive is to tell myself "yeah, but she would probably be such a pain in the ass if you actually got to know her"

Just a few hours ago, I went to the grocery store, not more than 30 minutes after I just got done posting about a grocery store scenario. No kidding. And what did I see, a really attractive woman outside of the store walking a dalmation. Well, within a second of noticing her, the dog did something disobedient and she smacked the dog hard. Needless to say, hot or not, I was instantly unattracted to her.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

I didn't watch the video but you're right normally addicts will justify their behaviour with anything but sadly is a fact that men are more visual than women... that's why there are a more of PA's are men.

Personally I think that seeing a women and seeing porn are very different things... with porn you're acting on a desire which I think you consider cheating right?

 

Why do you have to think inside the box? Maybe she already knew but was bored and started the thread. Maybe she started the thread to annoyed you and it seems like it's working since you're mad as hell that this thread was posted.

 

Seriously, video sucks. Dude, all I have to do is see my husband shirtless with jeans and I want to jump him. Half the time if he is fully dressed with a tigher top I want to jump him. I am stupidly visual compared to my husband...

 

Yes I do! I’m very easily visually stimulated by my hubby. To many men make assumptions about who women really are and how we work.

Women are visual too. Just because we women are said to be more mentally/emotionally stimulated then men and men are more visually stimulated doesn’t mean either sex do not experience the other.

 

This is probably derailing things but my wife just showed me this today and asked me "If this was a hot women wouldn't this be pretty messed up?". I dont bring it up to whine about mens rights but only to point out that women turn heads and can fantasize with the best of us. They want their pie and cake too, just saying. But yeah...if you are in a relationship control it to the highest standards you are capable of and investigate every reason why your head might be turning.

 

This is what every addict when they are active in their addiction. You all are exceptions.

 

My husband turns me on just by walking in the room. No joke.

And, I have literally had to catch my breath just from a good looking man walking by me. Because he wasn't just good looking, he was like . Wow! But you know what? Although it caught me by surprise, I collected myself, appreciated what i saw for a few seconds, and that was the end of it. Even though I wanted to keep staring. I looked away. Because that is what we are supposed to do. I didn't save that file in my brain to get myself off to later. I didn't imagine him with no clothes on or how big his package was under those pants. I looked away. I moved on to other things. (For the record, I have never minded when my husband appreciates a good looking woman either. It's just that I found out that wasn't all he was doing.)

Men like to use the idea that they are the only ones that are turned on visually and it simply isn't the case.

 

Funny.... I didn’t even know that we were ever in the same room

 

Seeing your girlfriend naked is obviously not the same as seeing a random woman naked, as men's visual instinct is driven by novelty. You have built a strong emotional connection with your girlfriend and feel sexually attracted to her through that connection, that's also why you will always feel sexually attracted to your girlfriend. And the same goes for women naturally. I'm sure you are also able to be casually naked with your girlfriend, not just sexually? This is also because you are able put your emotional attraction before your instinctive sexual attraction to a naked body (if there can even be an instinctive sexual attraction to a naked body that you've seen many times already?) /your physical sexual attraction because of how much you love your girlfriend.

 

I'm still not understanding all the hate for the video.

1. He acknowledges that women can also be visually stimulated
2. He ends the video by saying that men must control themselves and that nothing stated in the video should excuse inappropriate actions.