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Should I ask someone out?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by dogeatdog, Aug 17, 2018.

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  1. dogeatdog

    dogeatdog Fapstronaut

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    There are women in my life that I would like to pursue romantically, one at a time of course, but I have never tried to do so. This is because whenever I got emotional about love I would use PMO to relax those feelings. Now that I'm not so sad all the time, should I ask someone out? I also believe that having someone very close to me would make my NoFap journey easier as I'd be able to talk about the emotions that brew up inside due to no PMO.

    However, there is another issue when it comes to dating. My taste in women is atypical; I prefer women who are confident and dominant. So would my ideal woman ask me out instead of the man usually asking the woman out? Or should I step out of my comfort zone to find the woman that's right for me.
     
    Deleted Account and GettingAGrip like this.
  2. 1. Dating and forming relationships is good, but don’t do it b/c you want a NoFap therapist for a girlfriend. Get a therapist instead. Date b/c you like women and want to know them.

    2. Ask her out. Even aggressive, dominant women want a guy to ask them out.
     
  3. Well I can say this I have asked out many women in my life and have had maybe 1 or 2 ever ask me out and they were not the ones I would have liked to have ask me out they defenitly were not my type. Ask out women that are your type you will be surprised how easy it is and how rejection realy doesn't hurt
     
  4. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    If you wait for a woman to ask you out, you're going to be waiting a while. It's rare, and drastically reduces your dating pool.
     
  5. That is very true
     
  6. Mkngitwrk

    Mkngitwrk Fapstronaut

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    You won't know if you don't ask. Get out there.
     
  7. GettingAGrip

    GettingAGrip Fapstronaut

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    If you're wondering whether you should ask a girl out or not, the answer is always yes.
    Like @DemonSemen said, do it because you genuinely want to have a relationship and get to know a woman better.

    And regarding who should ask who out.. again, go for it.
    My current girlfriend actually asked me out, but it's very rare and I've always asked girls out rather than waiting for them to do so.
    My point is, it doesn't matter who makes the first move, if you're interested in a girl, go and ask her out because chances are she WILL say yes.

    Best of luck to you mate
     
  8. dogeatdog

    dogeatdog Fapstronaut

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    I want to say thanks to everyone who's responded to this post, every single comment has brought a new perspective on the whole dating thing! I only have one more thing to ask.

    All the women that I am interested in are all in the same environment, school. I have a fear that, in the case that I do get rejected, she will tell all her friends and those friends of hers will make fun of me while I'm at school. Is this fear rational and can anyone who's been rejected tell me their experiences? Thanks everyone
     
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You're afraid that women will know that you're brave enough to go for what you want?

    You're basically placing more value on what other people think (what you assume they will think) rather than placing value on the person you're becoming and having the life that you want.

    Even if they do make fun of you for inviting someone to a date....... why would you want to be with people like that?

    Rejection is a normal part of life. The only people who aren't getting rejected on a regular basis are people who don't express themselves honestly and play life so safe that they never experience pain, problems, and negative experiences. The more risks you take, the more you will fail, but also the more you will succeed. The less risks you take, the less you'll get rejected, but also the less you'll be accepted.

    You can never find your better place, with better people that resonate with who you are, as a better version of yourself if you're hiding your honest self expression.

    Why people fear being rejected is because they're expecting a specific outcome and they're afraid they won't get what they need. They're trying to take something from another person rather than simply inviting them to have an experience with you. You're trying to own and control someone rather than stating what you want and allowing them the freedom to choose whether or not they want to join you. You're trying to impress, perform for, and convince somebody to be interested in you. It's trying to manipulate or deceive someone to giving up their free will to do as they please all because of desperation or neediness.

    I'm not sure why a lot of people want to convince or manipulate others to be interested in them. It's so much better when the other person is a willing participant. Joyful, grateful, and excited to be with you out of their own free will. Acting in a way you think other people will like you for (deception / manipulation / convincing / performing) is a good way to end up with someone that isn't interested in who you really are. You'll always be paranoid and on edge to make sure you never slip up via showing cracks of your real personality. Always convincing them to be interested or tricking them to stay with you.

    You have to learn to express an honest desire for others without manipulation or games. Why would that be anything to be ashamed or be afraid of? Why do people feel the need to hide that? When you check somebody out... they do so in a way that they make sure never to be caught doing it....................................................... but getting caught is the best part. Getting caught and standing your ground allows for progress. It allows for risk. It allows for possible rejection, but also for possible acceptance. There's nothing to feel guilty about. "I want you and I want you to know that." It's no surprise that people who have a problem with porn are afraid of rejection. Porn allows for easy and certain instant gratification rewards without any possibility of rejection or the need to take risks. It allows for fantasies of willing and excited partners that they don't have to convince, impress, or perform for.

    When asking people out on a date a lot of people will try to come up with some perfect scenario or plan. Something grand, special, and unique to impress or convince them. Something to prove that they have an interesting and busy lifestyle.... but all you really have to do is invite them to nothing special at all. It doesn't matter what you do or where you go. It should be an invitation towards being together. Us two is the occasion, event, and all that matters. The special, grand, and unique date is the experience of us two together. I want others to accept my invitation simply because we're interested in each other. Not because of various distractions that I'm able to plan. Nothing spectacular to offer other than "just me and you... that's what I'm inviting you to". Any ordinary activity can be an adventure if it was two people willing to explore each other.

    Yes, I get rejected. Because I choose to live in the real world where not everything works out in life and not everyone is interested in me, but I don't dwell on it because I want somebody that wants to be with me. If they don't want to be with me, then I don't want them to be with me. All I can do is express myself honestly and send out invitations to others freely. The rest is up to them. I'm only good / successful / interesting to women that are interested and resonate with who I really am. I'm bad / unsuccessful / boring to women that aren't interested in who I am.

    So go for what you want. Get rejected. Let others laugh. The only way those things bother you is if you don't respect or value who you are, what you want, and the life that you're creating.
     
    Cylon, Jason_Tesla_19 and dogeatdog like this.
  10. Fear of rejection is common bro. But keep things in perspective. You’re asking her out—not to marry you and bear your children. If she says no. Shrug it off and just say “Okay. I’ll see you around campus.” Then...just chill like iced tea. She probably will tell her friends. So what? They’ll know you have the balls to step up and ask a girl out. More important, YOU WILL KNOW you have the balls to step up and ask a girl out.
     
    dogeatdog likes this.
  11. Everything this guy said.
     

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