I've fallen after 200 days.

So, hello.

I was doing pretty awesome until some day for a strange reason I decided to watch pornography as a "test", yeah sure, deep down inside me I knew that I was subconsciously seeking that dopamine. Basically I smoked cannabis for the first time in a long time and I did it with porn. What a way to wake up and revitalize all the dopaminergic pathways that I've been wanting to make disappear, they were in a sleep state, but I awoke Chtulhu. With that streak I was really confident about my ability to overcome porn and masturbation alone, seeing it as something impossible no matter the circunstance. The mind is tricky tricky and my arrogance has given its fruits.
After that day I haven't gotten past a week, in fact I've been relapsing almost every single day for two months, I've fallen again into that sticky pit of hell. This two months have been pure unconsciousness in all aspects of my life.

I've been feeling irritated with little things, general bad mood, and socializing has become something hard, before it was as natural as breathing, my energy levels are -9999 and I don't even sleep well.

Remember to never give anything for granted, most of us have grown up with PMO from a very young age, this is deep inside our brains. So it will probably take years and not just some months to stop being so susceptible to fall into addiction if you ever peek. Anyways, never touch it, don't play with it, who cares if you can resist the test or not, it's just the lamest excuse that the mind can make to come back to its old habit of instantaneous pleasure seeking.
Pornography is like a rotten spike, if you prick your skin with it you are going to get infected. Who is so stupid to put his finger into a venomous spike just to see what happens? To demonstrate what? To who?

I'm going to get out of this vicious cycle and I'm going to get the poison out right now, I'm deeply sorry that I fed the egregore of unconscious and insatiable pleasure seeking.

Warm regards,
Poemandres

_/][\_​

 

Thank you

After two months of continuous relapsing I feel like the 200 days doesn't mean anything, especially because I was working on semen retention, which includes even blocking wet dreams using the root lock. I mean, what does 200 days mean if after that you come back to your old habits in exactly the same way, or even in a worse way. It's not like I've been relapsing every 10 days, it was daily, or even more than once a day.
But definitely I think that after this failure it will be really hard to knock me down in this new long streak. I've learned a lot from what happened.

 

Exactly, "since I'm free of it let's see what happens now" hahaha, it's human beings having sexual intercourse, something that we've been desiring during the whole history, it's just too much. For example, why would we touch heroin in the first place, we know it's there, but we look above it. We should do the same with pornography.

I really don't care about the days, just about the level of my attainment concerning my ability to not fall again into the addiction.
What's 777 days if you can end up again jerking off multiple times a day? Absolutely nothing.
I see overcoming this as something purely spiritual.

Thank you for your comment, really the key is looking it from ABOVE.

 

After this thread I had a 3 days streak and suddenly a very strong desire came, making be fail until today. (I haven't orgasmed since the first of August but I had "sexting" (yeah I know, that sounds silly) and I kind of edged sometimes.) That's why I'm going to reset my counter.

Good news is that today I've fixed my sleep schedule, no more going to sleep at 8 am and waking up at 16 pm. That was like living in hell and contributed a lot to the life that I don't deserve.

I'm very sorry to have failed again guys.