Dating stash...

So i have been dating on and off for years. During this period, i have saved and collected everything that girls have sent me. Pictures, videos, audio files etc... I just checked and im pretty sure that i have media from over 150+ girls, which is pretty extreme! It sort of feels like a porn stash... Yes there is some sexual content there too... And i have used all of it as a porn substitute, in previous relapses... Does anyone else do this as well or is it just me? Deleting everything would feel like losing memories. Although i did not meet all of these girls in person so i suppose it sort of feels like a shrine or something keeping this stuff?

It's over 2gb of "data" on my computer.

 

Purge that stuff or it will stay there, tickling the back of your mind as a temptation. You are fighting this addiction for a reason and won't need this in the future, so why keep it?

 

Get rid of the stuff , I will tell a personal story of mine I hooked up with this girl a long time ago well just the other day I saw her in person again and I thought to myself OH MY what happened she looked like hell warmed over she used to look like a 10 now barley a 1. Now how foolish would it be to have keep something like photos after seeing her now it ruined all my old memories. ditch the stuff make new memories

 

I suppose i keep it as a reminder of the type of girls i could potentially date one day... Some of them are really attractive so it makes me feel good i guess. So when i am trying to date it gives me that believe that i can succeed when i look back at all of those girls i talked to in the past... And its the only real proof i have, as lame as that sounds. If anyone was to doubt that i have actually met anyone i have all of this "personal" media that were sent to me alone.

Sure i could delete it all but then i only have the memories and my imagination left. Because i am not currently dating anyone there would be nothing left but loneliness...

True i guess... But when its gone its gone. I'm already depressed this is the last comfort i have at the moment. Memories.... Until i get back out there and date again. It's not like i look at this "stash" daily or anything. In fact the only reason why im talking about it now is because im part of this whatsapp group with my cousins. And just recently more have joined and they keep talking about sex and sending porn videos... Super distracting, i had to mute the group. On my phone its set to download all images so those damn porn videos that they sent showed up in my photo library... Had to delete them, cant risk a relapse...

 

Good job on muting that and deleting the downloads. This is hard enough without more triggers.

 

I have a time machine backup actually so i would have to wipe my external hard drive too... But yeah... Define "non sexual stuff". Honestly it could all be used as a porn substitute in my opinion. Audios of girls whispering. Photos of girls in outfits. Videos...

 

My dating stash actually makes me feel frustrated and angry sometimes. To have interacted with that many girls. Yet in reality the majority of them never went past IM and phone calls. Not all led to dates or sex. I think I have only ever had one proper relationship with a girl in my whole life that was in real life. And that only lasted two damn weeks because she had to go back to her country. She was hot and sexy and totally into me but fate would not let us be together...

Getting really annoyed with these stupid online only virtual dating relationships that I’m having. What good is it exchanging dozens of messages and naughty pictures if you don’t meet? Feels like I’m just talking to cam girls. Had one girl actually encourage me to fap over her pictures because we were not in the same country and both horny. She fapped to mine and I relapsed for her back then... Incredibly frustrating why can’t it be easy to meet people...

 

Cutting out online dating would do more damage in my opinion. My anxiety is really bad it’s not at all easy to meet girls through approaching at the moment. Without the online dating I would be completely screwed that in itself would lead me to relapse. If I’m not approaching and I’m not using apps then how am I going to meet new people? At least I know I can get dates and sex from the dating apps. It’s just a game of lottery getting to that point. But like I said that dating stash serves as a reminder of what I’m capable of doing. Not everyone can pick up that many phone numbers.

Off topic huge fan of the show Vikings and Ragnar Lothbrok. Probably a coincidence but the show has lots of hot blonde woman in it. And just yesterday when I was out commuting I could have sworn that I was getting checked out by quite a few blonde girls.

 

You are correct and this is why... It’s because many years ago before I knew anything about NoFap I met this really hot girl from Finland. We were totally into each other and met by chance on Omegle. The random chat application where you talk to strangers. You can’t even see what the other person looks like unless they have a cam. And it’s a higher guy ratio there. So the likelihood of meeting girls is much harder which made this all the more rewarding. Long story short we did not meet in real life online only but it did feel like love... She got comfortable enough with me to send me ANYTHING. Full trust. Even when she was on a period. To this date she is the girl who has sent me the most pictures and videos! She filmed herself masturbating over me and sent me these HD videos! Custom personal porn for my eyes only!

Anyway like I said we did not meet my fault really, anxiety made me doubt that she would like me in real life because it had been virtual for months... This is why it’s super important to meet people ASAP if talking on apps. So I deleted EVERYTHING. All the naughty videos and the hundreds of pictures. I did not want a constant reminder. But I think eventually I regret it all those personal memories gone forever I can’t get them back that was the whole point

One day I hope to delete this stupid stash. All I need is a damn girlfriend then I have no need to look back over these stupid past girls. Easier said than done I have never had a real girlfriend before...

 

I wish I could just ask them out... My anxiety is at the highest it has ever been in my life. Unemployed, high stress, depression. Not even including the health issues I’m currently trying to deal with. I can’t be 100% sure they were really checking me out. And even if they were. Doing an approach would be extremely awkward for me. Two of these girls were on the train I would of had to physically get up and go over there to talk to them. And if I was mistaken I would embarrass myself and the girl in front of a dozen people with nowhere to run to afterwards...

As much as I want to succeed at it approaching it is still a weakness. In comparison I get lots of phone numbers from dating apps. Whereas approaching requires significant time, energy, confidence etc... I don’t think I have ever picked up a number from an approach ever in my life... Not including speed dating.

It’s pretty funny/sad. I went on a dating boot camp with other guys a few years ago. One guy said that he could easily approach but the girls did not stick around to talk to him. Whereas I hated approaching but when I did it girls stuck around to talk to me. Unfortunately I never figured out or got the courage to ask for phone numbers...

 

Would that be so bad? I wish I could forget my ex's. I deleted all the photos of ex's and blocked them on social media. Their your past and they should remain in the past.